OLD, Am i doing something wrong?

[an0nym0us123]

So basically i live in the middle of no where, I dont meet really any girls on a day to day basis as i generally work on my own on my own farm.

 

Local bars have the same faces every time i go there, there literally are no single women who i know of. So this leaves me with online and tinder.

 

Ive really never known how I "look" to others. But my ex used to tell me i was extremely good looking, and she was very pretty. and ive had enough compliments from women to know that i do have something to some people at least.

 

I know tinder/online is very much looks driven and there are more men than women so its an up hill struggle.

 

But anyway i am 5' 11" on a good day, gym goer, very much "in shape", own land, although not rich my life is basically my hobby.

 

So been online and tinder for a few months. Been on about 10 dates. 5 of these were not interested in me. Others were and there was one where were we both liked each other but lived over 2 hours apart and decided not to go any further. This was annoying!

 

Anyway i talk to plenty of girls, and quite a few initiate contact so you would assume they would be interested. So after a few messages back and forth id ask to meet, they will say yes, but will often say ill get back to you when I'm free. So I'll say that's cool let me know and I never hear from them again!

 

At a guess for every 8 to 10 ive talked too Ive met 1.

 

Im not really sure if I am doing something wrong, or is this just normal. I keep telling myself everything could change at any moment.

 

Id probably be looking for someone between 25 and 35, seems like there are not a lot in this range about. Ill probably get 10 to 15 new faces appear on tinder every day in a 60 mile radius and half of them would be tourists. And ill probably match 5 a week.

 

I dont know what im asking for, just any advice really. Thanks!

[d0nnivain]

Sadly it's the nature of OLD. It is but a single tool; you have to incorporate more real world in person ways to meet somebody into your life.

[WomenWubber]

You are actually meeting women, which is pretty much all you can get from OLD. You are doing great in that regard, so maybe your "dating game" could use some work.

 

Either that or consider re-locating.

[diddilybop]

to me, it seems like you're doing pretty good but what you're experiencing is kinda what comes with OLD. i like d0nnivain's advice in that it would be helpful to expand your "tools" a bit. maybe try joining a weekly class, go to more social events in your area or in a bigger city that's not too far away. re-locating (if possible) would be helpful too. i went to college in a smalltown in PA and besides my classmates (2,100 student pop.), i barely met anyone else...and once i moved to san francisco, i met more people and went on A LOT more dates.

 

i also think with OLD, it's hybrid of a how much time you invest in it and honestly, luck.

[some_username1]

Tinder is in many ways a mathematical puzzle for many men as much as it is a romantic one.

 

Very few relationship minded men meet 'the one' within a few first dates. You need more and more dates to increase your chances of finding the right person, a scientific study found that as women swipe right on only approx 12% of profiles they see the average guy needs 115 right swipes to get one match. You might be really desperate so 115 swipes is 115 right swipes, if you are really picky like me you might right swipe once every 25 or 30 profiles so the number of right swipes needed for a match increases accordingly.

 

So you have a match- great! Now all you need to do is convey that you are a funny, cool guy with an even mannered temperament so she feels safe enough to go on a date with you- you simply aren't going to manage that 100% of the time so you will lose some of those hard fought matches per 115 swipes along the way. You finally got one on a date- great! Now you just have to look like your pics, be funny and engaging and make her feel good in your company. Of course that isn't going to happen for every girl, so you will lose some along the way there too. So you got a second date? Same as the first, rinse and repeat until you are in a relationship while bearing in mind that some women will fall by the wayside again due to incompatibility, you weren't feeling it/she wasn't feeling it etc.

 

So the point of all that was to illustrate how it is perfectly normal that your 8-10 matches will convert to 3 first dates which will reduce to 1 that maybe lasts 3 or 4 dates or so...although if you are anything like me.you will find that that one that lasts 3 or 4 dates will disappear as soon as you have one bad date...then you are back to your 115 swipes (at least) to find a new one.

 

It's the nature of the beast: numbers. Although you aren't helping yourself if you find that you get 10-15 new profiles a day within a 60(!) Mile radius. That sounds mental to me as someone who lives in a major city and has profiles coming out of his ears yet still faces the numbers game outlined above

 

Tl:dr, what you are experiencing is normal, possibly above average considering your match rate, but they aren't Pokemon and you can't catch them all so your conversion rate is going to be much lower than the rate at which you match.

[an0nym0us123]

Okay thanks for the replies.

 

So I found a online "tool" which tells me there are 250,000 people within 65 miles of where I live.

 

I probably swipe half right and half left. I wouldnt say i put much into the swiping, i sort of "deal" with who i like after i match. I guess somedays i could have 25 new people on there. But a lot are just passing through. I never reach the limit for the day.

 

I guess ill just have to muddle on for a while and hope for the best.

[nospam99]

Disclaimer: I live in the suburbs of a small city within a couple of hours of NYC, so NOT 'in the middle of nowhere' but nevertheless a bit 'sparse'.

 

I have found that which OLD site I use makes a huge difference. To a great extent I see the same women on several sites. I've had my best success (defined as meets - after the meet, you or I are 'on our own') on match.com. Plenty of Fish is marginal. Okcupid, ourtime, eharmony, elite, zoosk, and bumble have been just about worthless. Also, at least where I live, speed dating is a viable option.

[Gretchen12]

But anyway i am 5' 11" on a good day

 

What does that mean?! LOL

[diddilybop]

 

But anyway i am 5' 11" on a good day

 

i've also wondered what this means too, haha! does it have to do with the rain affecting your height or something? what pair of shoes you're wearing? i'm genuinely asking lol.

[an0nym0us123]

Haha, just means that Im a smidge under 5 11, if you measure yourself as soon as you get up you are slightly taller. So if ive thick socks on i can just about make it haha!

 

Anyway thanks for the replies. I think what annoys me is the number of people who initiate contact, talk and agree to meet but then just disappear. Guess thats just par for the course.

[Garcon1986]

- On OLD, people have a little less manners - they don't necessarily tell each other oh, we aren't great matches, I hope you have great fun on your search. They just ghost because its the easy way out.

 

- on OLD, you are penalized for not being classically hot. Women and men both will like who they like - the most extreme examples are Bumble and Tinder, where all you have is the picture.

 

- on OLD, women are far more pickier than men. Men get to choose on the back end, and women get to choose on the front end. It's the harsh reality. Ranges from annoying to downright insulting, that no matter what you do, you can't change a woman's mind on how attractive you are. The approach you've got to take here is God grant me the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, and grant me the power to change everything in my power to improve. Sell what you are best at. The harsh reality of OLD pictures is hot girls want hot guys, and won't settle. So sell what you are great at.

 

- You'll get better matches if you are willing to travel more. I am surrounded by morbidly obese people - not the least bit desirable. I will travel outside Mississippi to find my wife. I have literally everything else apart from being a classical hunk hot guy, so I have to search a little harder If you are also having trouble socializing with women, it won't hurt to date a few people just to improve your dating skills.

 

- OLD is not a job interview - women want to know how awesome you can make them feel about the relationship and themselves. Don't show off unless you are asked.

Edited December 6, 2018 by Garcon1986

[chillii]

Can never believe how forward women must be over there. You say they contact you , well in my book and brief OLD here experience , even if if it doesn't go anywhere that's still a damn good start non the less.

 

As far as above , yeah , read that stuff all the time but l can tell you, the few girls l bothered meeting were the pick of the crop , but yet they didn't get to choose the way it's always talked about. Nothing ever went anywhere with anyone except guys wanting to get them in the sack. They all told me the same stuff.

And as far as the rest go , most of them l noticed on 3 or 4 other date sites too sp if things were anything like you read on the net no way they'd need more than one site, l was only in the one and that was plenty of business for me as a guy but l did look over others.

 

From everything l heard from the girls though, they get just as much bs and burn out as guys do maybe even more, they post about it on LS too.

Edited December 7, 2018 by chillii

[outwithpeterpan]

Okay thanks for the replies.

 

So I found a online "tool" which tells me there are 250,000 people within 65 miles of where I live.

 

I probably swipe half right and half left. I wouldnt say i put much into the swiping, i sort of "deal" with who i like after i match. I guess somedays i could have 25 new people on there. But a lot are just passing through. I never reach the limit for the day.

 

I guess ill just have to muddle on for a while and hope for the best.

 

Sounds like you're doing fine. It just boils down to plugging away until you get lucky. I mean, we can put numbers to it. Lets go with your number, 250K within 65 miles. Half are women, so 125K women. Let's guess 10% are between 25-35, that leaves 12.5K. We'll say half are taken. That leaves ~6,250 single women between 25-35. You can adjust some of those factors (gender ratio, amount single) but order of magnitude wise that's what we're talking about. And that's before screening for compatibility. You probably want a mature woman with similar values, and there needs to be mutual attraction. You've gotten people out so clearly you aren't funny looking or anything. Just keep at it!

[an0nym0us123]

I think you are right. Hopefully its just a "matter of time" i actually changed my photos on tinder and online, and its made a difference. Had 6 matches on tinder in the past couple of days, and two of them initiated contact.

 

One of the problems i have is i live by the sea which cuts inland, i often match with people on the other side of the bay, although only 30 miles away in a straight line. Its over a 100 by road. But guess thats the way it is.

[an0nym0us123]

So this seems to be a common thing that happens. I was speaking to a woman for a couple of nights who i met online. She messaged me first so this surely indicates interest. She was asking loads of questions and started to get quite flirty. So i asked her if she wanted to meet up and when was she free.

 

She then told me she was pretty busy most nights and had plans the next 2 weekends. She says "maybe after christmas"

 

Why pursue someone if you dont have time? If you dont have a couple of hours free in the next 20 days you certainly dont have time for a relationship.

 

She told me shed only been on one date, and was having no luck. Anyway i said contact me after christmas if you still want to meet. Yet she went on to ask more questions about me. If she was so interested she would find time. Why do people do this?

[chillii]

They say a lotta of them are just after some ego stroking.

Married.

idiots.

Take your pick

[nospam99]

She then told me she was pretty busy most nights and had plans the next 2 weekends. She says ''maybe after christmas''

 

Why pursue someone if you dont have time? If you dont have a couple of hours free in the next 20 days you certainly dont have time for a relationship.

 

She told me shed only been on one date, and was having no luck. Anyway i said contact me after christmas if you still want to meet. Yet she went on to ask more questions about me. If she was so interested she would find time. Why do people do this?

 

People do this to set up a meeting in the future. Finding an SO or even getting laid is not necessarily someone's highest priority. Me for example? I've got a job. I've got family. I've got a home to maintain. Yet I am still actively trying to and meeting women. Met one last night and we 'hit it off'. But there was a ten-day lag between first contact (on OLD) and first face-to-face meeting. And it could easily have been longer ... or never have happened at all. 'Patience is a virtue', but not a guarantee.