did i mess up?

[sporty]

I began seeing this guy recently that I really liked from the start. He is on the way to getting divored and who has a very busy life. He was quite undependable at the start and poor at making proper dates, even though he had told friends that he really liked me. I gave him a really hard time as I felt insecure about how much he liked me. I realise in hindsight that this was just where he was at that time. I really regret going on so critically at him and wonder if I had given him space at the beginning and gone with the flow if things would have gone right. His reaction to my criticising him was to continue not to make proper dates and say little about our situation. He at one point said that as he was always working he had little time for a relationship but I persauded him otherwise and it went on for a little longer until our next argument, which put the lid on it. He now does not want to know me and I wish so much that I can turn back the clock. It is so hard after him liking me so much in the beginning. What I am wondering is if I had approached it differently at the start and been patient and laid back, would he have gone on that way indefinitely or was I right to make a stand right away.

[Tony T]

YOU ASKED: "What I am wondering is if I had approached it differently at the start and been patient and laid back, would he have gone on that way indefinitely or was I right to make a stand right away."

 

Moving very quickly, especially when a gent isn't even divorced yet, is very improper and not a very good relationship strategy. You should never try to rush things along too fast. Even when a guy is completely single and healed from a previous relationship, he wants a challenge...not someone who is eager and pushy.

 

You botched it here big time but that's what relationships are all about...learning and growing. Hopefully, next time you meet someone you like, if he's married you'll give him time to get divorced and healed from that. If he's single, move slowly and let him do the chasing. Don't give in quickly...that's no fun for the guy.

[CANDICE]

hey! don't be so hard on yourself. you stated that he couldn't even make a proper date and you make an exuse for him by saying well... he was having a hard time at that time, and maybe he was however if you were un happy and you told him the things that were kind of disapointing you and he didn't take the proper action to show that thing would get better then i think that you are better off without him you also said that you were insecure about how much he liked you. but if he liked you so much then why didn't he properly show it? oh wait i know! he was going through a rough time right? you see it would have been a never ending circle of unhappiness you should move on you sound like you know what you expect from a relationship don't let yourelf down by settling for less than the best!

I began seeing this guy recently that I really liked from the start. He is on the way to getting divored and who has a very busy life. He was quite undependable at the start and poor at making proper dates, even though he had told friends that he really liked me. I gave him a really hard time as I felt insecure about how much he liked me. I realise in hindsight that this was just where he was at that time. I really regret going on so critically at him and wonder if I had given him space at the beginning and gone with the flow if things would have gone right. His reaction to my criticising him was to continue not to make proper dates and say little about our situation. He at one point said that as he was always working he had little time for a relationship but I persauded him otherwise and it went on for a little longer until our next argument, which put the lid on it. He now does not want to know me and I wish so much that I can turn back the clock. It is so hard after him liking me so much in the beginning. What I am wondering is if I had approached it differently at the start and been patient and laid back, would he have gone on that way indefinitely or was I right to make a stand right away.