How to keep interest in a submissive

[brigit87]

Well to clarify, the other guy never stepped up to go meet her in person. And that was a few years ago. She mentions that rarely keep in touch like they used to.

 

Don't send any more money. If you want to date her meet in person. It's weird that she asked for money. IDK. This whole situation sounds like it's going to get bad real soon. If you don't send any more money or gifts she will definitively lose interest. If you want to keep her around then you'll probably have to buy her.

 

Sorry but that's what this is.

[jayteep]

Feelings are weird.

 

I looked up the word orbiter and yeah..... yeah.

 

Um how/why would someone spend this much time with me online? Like it's literally just the two of us videoing or voicing in all of our spare time which is like 4-6 hours every day.

 

Still malicious?

[Andy_K]

LOL

 

I was holding off posting because I didn't want to be a negative nancy, but she's using you.

 

Yeah, it's "only" $20... from you.

 

Plus $20 from this other guy, $5 from that one, maybe a few hundred from the one who is well-off, etc.

 

Lots of "gamer girls" do this. It's a scam. It's like soft prostitution mixed with crowd-funding. She feigns interest in as many marks as she can keep up with and watches the $$$ roll in.

 

There's no way she can be spending 4-6 hours every evening with a whole bunch of other guys, complete with voice chats and video calls. Yes, lots of gamer girls scam guys for cash, but I don't think this is one of them. The economics are way off.

[Kitty Tantrum]

It's possible she's not scamming you. But it's also possible she is. There are a lot of hours in a day, and it's not that hard to divide attention when talking online (typing to one while doing voice/video with another). A girl might only need 2-3 guys throwing money at her to make it very worth her while if she selects her targets carefully. Some of them might pay her quite handsomely just for sending nudes or providing whatever little bits of validation they're seeking. She wouldn't necessarily have to put in that kind of time for every guy.

 

It's also possible that this initial period of intense attention is simply the investment period, and she's working it extra hard in anticipation of an eventual payout.

 

It's worth a bit of scrutiny, if you ask me.

[jayteep]

Well thanks everyone for their analyzing of the situation.

 

I didn't know there were all these variables to look after and think about.

 

Everyone has some great points. It's conflicting for me because I love the comments people make that say she wouldn't invest all that time into me.

 

It also makes sense though that it could be a set up for later on.

[jayteep]

Is it ever all right to show a person that you posted something about your situation with them on here or is it abad thing?

 

Like if I show her this to let her know how I feel and to let her see how everyone perceives the situation? Or is it strictly private?

[Andy_K]

Is it ever all right to show a person that you posted something about your situation with them on here or is it abad thing?

 

Like if I show her this to let her know how I feel and to let her see how everyone perceives the situation? Or is it strictly private?

 

If you give her a link to this thread I guarantee you she will be upset and feel betrayed or let down.

[lucky-girl]

She wouldn't spend that much time talking to you if she didn't like you. She would not be able to give you such specific compliments that ring true if she didn't believe them.

You say she seems very keen on you but says she doesn't love you yet. Sounds like she is in the infatuation* phase. This is fine and nothing to be sneezed at. She probably won't let herself fall all the way into love without meeting you first. I'd be more worried if she was declaring love and planning a future without having met.

 

*(Some people/articles define infatuation as not real, or an unhealthy obsession or just liking someone for superficial reasons. When I say infatuated I mean the same sort feelings you might attribute to falling in love but it's just not that strong & deep yet.)

 

As for the Dom/sub stuff - it absolutely is 100% better if the couple is turned on by the same thing rather than one acting. While it may never be completely satisfactory for either of you if you are happy to learn more about what she likes and give it a go there's no harm in trying. You might even discover you like some of it. You should be able to find lots of ideas online but every submissive woman likes things in 1000 different ways to other submissive women. Your most important guide in this is her because it doesn't matter what other subs like, only what she likes and only she knows. Not only is each woman unique, each relationship is unique so what works (or doesn't) with one man may be quite different with another and she can only know by trying.

Edited December 10, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Els]

She probably won't let herself fall all the way into love without meeting you first. I'd be more worried if she was declaring love and planning a future without having met.

 

 

I think you missed something - in his initial post, OP stated that she doesn't want to meet him. He tried initiating meetings and she's still faffing around.

 

 

I don't think it's impossible that she "likes" him - as Andy says, nobody spends hundreds of hours talking to someone online for $20 if money was their sole motive. But IMO it's pretty clear that this is going nowhere fast. She wants this to stay in fantasyland.

 

 

 

As for the Dom/sub stuff - it absolutely is 100% better if the couple is turned on by the same thing rather than one acting. While it may never be completely satisfactory for either of you if you are happy to learn more about what she likes and give it a go there's no harm in trying. You might even discover you like some of it. You should be able to find lots of ideas online but every submissive woman likes things in 1000 different ways to other submissive women. Your most important guide in this is her because it doesn't matter what other subs like, only what she likes and only she knows. Not only is each woman unique, each relationship is unique so what works (or doesn't) with one man may be quite different with another and she can only know by trying.

 

 

Very true.

[jayteep]

A few days ago she tried asking me for $20 again, this time I decided no. She said ok no problem. Nothing has changed. We spend same amount of time, if not more.

 

So it still appears to be genuine.

[Kitty Tantrum]

Genuine what? That's the question here. What IS this relationship?

 

I'm really getting the impression that she has a handful of guys who give her money for her time. If you're okay with that, have at it. Whatever.

 

But a woman who doesn't want to meet you, dangles other men in front of you as some kind of yardstick for you to measure up to, and casually asks you for money? Repeatedly?

 

It looks to me like the best case scenario is one where you establish yourself as her personal ATM. I mean JESUS, why is she asking you for money? She plays video games for hours every day, you think she's hurting for money? What's the context here that makes me wrong? Cause I don't see it.

 

I know I'm not exactly normal, but christ, I feel contrite asking my fiancé to help out with the rent for the tiny room he sleeps in with me. I can't see it as anything but audacious and atrocious for this woman to be asking you for money when she won't even meet you.

 

I still say whore.

 

And she probably doesn't pay her taxes.

 

Edit: and I'm not just talking out my ass here, I'm better acquainted with the "kink" scene than I ever wanted to be, and I've known more than a small handful of self-identified "submissives" who do exactly this - and observed loads more whom I did not know personally. Is one of the dominant things she loves so much about this other guy that he pays her bills or buys things for her or sends her an allowance? Hmmm?

Edited December 15, 2018 by Kitty Tantrum

[Els]

A few days ago she tried asking me for $20 again, this time I decided no. She said ok no problem. Nothing has changed. We spend same amount of time, if not more.

 

So it still appears to be genuine.

 

 

So, is a genuine online-only "relationship" what you want...?