People know that I'm single, yet they don't introduce me to anyone. Why?

[Dodgersfan11]

Aren't introductions the way people end up in the long run? In the past, friends knew about my single status-I had a mix of single friends and at least 2 semi close married friends. I mean, I would specifically gripe about my lack of trying to find someone, yet they don't voluntarily introduce me to anyone. I'm like...why? Are they jealous to introduce me to someone they know decent or am I just not that "hot" enough to be introduce to??? I'm making it publicly known that I'm single, I don't know...I don't consider myself to have a big social life, I've had only a few friends, not sure if its the lack of a social circle, but with the friends that I had why didn't they bother to introduce me to someone they know who is single? I wouldn't be cruising the bars on my Saturday nights meeting drunk guys.

[chillii]

Don't think l've ever had anyone intro me to someone to fix me up.

l've met friends of friends but not in that way. Once or twice back in my 20s lhit it off with someone like that but it was nothing to do with them intro'g us we just met at whoever's place and hit it off.

 

Besides , even if they know other single people maybe they think they aren't right for you or you them so they don't bother, gotta be more to it than just both single.

Another side is that if you did that for a friend but it doesn't go well or got ugly later, well, that's just gonna make things messy and awkward everywhere after.

 

lf a friend back when was ever gonna intro me to someone with that in mind , that'd probably only be because they thought we could actually really hit it off.

So maybe too, no one knows anyone you might really hit it off with.

[losangelena]

I’m hard pressed to think of anyone in my life who makes a habit of introducing their friends to each other. I’ve never done it, and it’s never been done to me. Not to say it doesn’t happen, but I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with you or your friends that it’s not happening. Maybe you can ask them outright if they’d make the effort to do so. They probably don’t know that’s an expectation that you have.

[diddilybop]

i agree with losangelena, i don't think i know anyone or regularly experienced friends fixing me up with their friends. i think it happened once, but i actually never met up with him, haha...and maybe that's one of the reasons why friends may not do that - it can be awkward or worse, messy if a really bad breakup is involved.

 

while your friends aren't introducing you to their friends, that doesn't mean they're bad friends, they probably just don't think about it. if you want them to, casually mention it and be like, "hey, do you know any awesome guys that you could fix me up with?". also, if you're tired of meeting guys at bars, try joining a fun class or go to a day-event where there are people your age hanging out.

[carhill]

Times have moved on. We used to put together single people who didn't know each other, not formally, at dinner parties and leave the rest to nature. I used to always hear that female friends would introduce their male friends around though never saw it myself. Still don't. They can gush, sure, about what a cool guy he is but that's different than introducing him to others. About the closest I've come in recent years is my best friends wife dragging me along to taco night at the Vet's hall when her husband wouldn't go and introducing me around there. i met the mayor of a nearby town and she was pretty cool. Still, it was happenstance, nothing planned.

 

If not generally avoided these days, perhaps it's social circle. Definitely not a custom in mine.

 

The lady across the way today knocked on the door wondering if I was alive and to let me know they were burning so not to worry about the smoke. The old man next door introduced her to me after I moved here. She's single but after her son shot her car I kinda kept my distance

 

I think a lot of friends don't like to do matchmaking stuff because it's uncomfortable if it goes south. Not to mention romance isn't a shared interest.

[thefooloftheyear]

I know it sounds harsh, but they just probably don't give enough of a crap to bother..

 

Also, yeah, what happens if it doesn't work out?....Probably lose 2 friends in one shot...

 

TFY

[alphamale]

have you asked your friends to introduce you to someone?

[Mumbles]

I think this type of thing is largely cultural and my observation is that it's just fallen out of fashion, largely, in the west over the course of the last couple of decades

 

For what it's worth, I still see a lot of this going on with my Chinese friends, particularly the women. They will quickly divine the relationship status of people they meet and more than a few (of the women usually) will go out of their way to find subtle, or not so subtle, ways to bring the single people in their circle together. Dinners, lunches, gatherings of any type ....

 

My western friends, well, I honestly can't remember the last time I was aware of this going on. Perhaps it still is, but it's so subtle that I'm missing it?

[healing light]

Wasn't aware people introduced single friends to other single people past the 1950's where I'm from.

[healing light]

Ps. I noticed your username. That means we're in the same general area. No one I know introduces people to other people for the deliberate purpose of match-making across any age group I'm familiar with.

[Purepony]

I’ve had friends try to set me up but it hasn’t worked out so yeah and I’m in Los Angeles

[d0nnivain]

Most people don't want to come across as interfering. Others are bad at it. There is a fear that if you introduce 2 people & they don't work out, you lose 2 friends. If you do want introductions you do need to speak up & ask your friends for them. Otherwise they won't know you are open to that. People don't assume that just because you are single, that you are looking.

[chillii]

Funny , l remembered back early 20ish my sister use to invite me over for tea or drinks and some of her friends would usually be there.

l always hoped specific ones would be actually l'd even try sussing that out before l went she had some damn hot friends . But l never really thought that she might be setting that up anyway but huh, thinking back knowing her she probably was.

[losangelena]

For the record, OP is from the Midwest, not LA. I made that assumption once, too.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Because they don't want to be in the middle or have their reputation tarnished when it doesn't work out.

[BaileyB]

People are generally more focused on their own lives than on those of other people.

[outwithpeterpan]

I think this type of thing is largely cultural and my observation is that it's just fallen out of fashion, largely, in the west over the course of the last couple of decades

 

For what it's worth, I still see a lot of this going on with my Chinese friends, particularly the women. They will quickly divine the relationship status of people they meet and more than a few (of the women usually) will go out of their way to find subtle, or not so subtle, ways to bring the single people in their circle together. Dinners, lunches, gatherings of any type ....

 

My western friends, well, I honestly can't remember the last time I was aware of this going on. Perhaps it still is, but it's so subtle that I'm missing it?

 

Yeah, I think it's a cultural thing. The wife of one of my childhood friends is from Russia originally. She's shown me pictures of some girl she knows on several occasions and been like WELL I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TWO. I also know of a Chinese guy from my uni getting set up on dates with girls. Never observed it among Americanized people though.

[guest569]

It could get very awkward if things go badly. I prefer to find my own people.

[Mysterio]

Most people are locked into their lives and are self absorbed for the most part. So that's why you don't hear most people as matchmakers as much.

 

I have sort of done it.

 

 

 

Sometimes I think that we have to let love fall in our laps. We can chase it all we want. It happens when it happens.