Khaysha92 Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 So to add abit of context.... I got a random add from guy on Facebook and we started talking a little bit. He seems like a really nice guy and he made me laugh. After a while I said "if i didnt know any better I would say your flirting with me" to which he made it clear he was. We continued talking and swapped numbers etc... He knows I have a fairly young child we have spoke about her dad briefly (he asked) he doesnt seem to mind and ever commented that he would love to have children. Well after speaking to him more and more and learning more about him I have realised that this guy is extremely career driven, works very long hours and he's still fairly young and he's younger than me. (he's only 24 I'm 26) He is really busy with work to the point somedays we barely speak and he has mentioned "setting expectations eairly" becuase he knows he has limited time. He seems quite mature for his age and has made little comments about not playing games and knowing what he wants etc... I know its a difficult question to answer becuase all men are completely different but hes 2 years younger than me, hes career driver to the point he has very limited time and i have a young child. I'm getting abit peeved with the lack of communication but im trying to be understanding to his busy schedule, but just dont know if this is a viable situation or why a 24 year old with such a prosperous career would volunteer themselves to dating a single mom. Please give your honest opinions Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 It’s hard to say but don’t bash me because I know slot of guys go after women with kids because they assume they are easier but it is possible he is interested in something serious. Why not go in a few dates and see what happens ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Khaysha92 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Share Posted December 6, 2018 Yeah we're trying to arrange a meeting soon its just hard around his work which I do understand. I did ask him a few days ago if he wanted us to hook up and he said he isn't a one time kind of guy/ he wouldn't talk to me during the day if all he wanted was a hook up. I dont know really but yeah ill have to meet him a few times. I'm aware men lie quite frequently and im just trying to assess the situation before i get too in my feelings Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Your status as a single mom is not the issue. Whether you can deal with dating a guy for whom work comes before all else, may become a sticking point 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Some guys are career driven simply because they want to be the breadwinner and 'look after' a girl. It's entirely possible that's the case here. In which case, you being a single mum he may see as a good thing, because you'll need his support more and he'll feel valued. On the other hand a lot of career oriented guys will pursue single mums because they are 'easier', and they're 'too busy' to ever get involved with the kid, so that never becomes a factor. It's just easy sex in his limited free time. It's impossible to tell which is the case here, so you'll just have to rely on your own judgement as things become clearer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 (edited) You need to meet him in person before letting this go on any further. You're spending too much time and energy talking to and thinking about some stranger on Facebook. Even if the guy is career driven, he still would have time to meet with you for a couple hours in person IF he was serious about wanting to date you (does he even want to date you or just be penpals?) So I smell some bs about him having "limited" time to meet up. And the fact that he's already telling you he's going to be too busy to see you much is a BAD sign. He's setting you up for low expectations. Oh and to answer your question, being a single mom has nothing to do with anything. I was a single mom to 3 children and had many, many dates with career driven men. In fact, those were the only type of men I dated. And current bf is very career driven. Edited December 6, 2018 by hippychick3 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 On the other hand a lot of career oriented guys will pursue single mums because they are 'easier', and they're 'too busy' to ever get involved with the kid, so that never becomes a factor. It's just easy sex in his limited free time. If I may expand upon this post... The one time I tried to date a single mother, the above was my mindset. Easy, minimal time effort & expense for sex, woman being desperate for male provider, not as picky, etc. The single mom I briefly dated had her child every other weekend. She wasn't quite ready for me to meet her kid, which meant I had free time to troll the bars for something better (every other weekend). We only got together on the weekends when Dad had the kid. My advice... tread with caution. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 He finds you attractive and wants a sexual relationship with you when he has time....that's it. He's not thinking about the future/marriage/kids.....he just wants companionship/sex to fit into his schedule. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trojan Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 First of all be careful with some guy you randomly added on facebook, especially because you have a child. Don't get to involved with someone without fully getting to know them first. Focus on friendship and PLEASE PLEASE do not introduce your child to this " random" guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 He finds you attractive and wants a sexual relationship with you when he has time....that's it. He's not thinking about the future/marriage/kids.....he just wants companionship/sex to fit into his schedule. I agree with Smackie. Guard your heart and don't get too involved after the sex because the chances of a highly successful 24 year old man settling are rare. Not to say he won't fall in love and marry you but don't start counting on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Welcome to LS... Is 'talk' verbal/auditory? Like on the phone? If he has the time to 'talk', he has the time to meet. Give him a week and if no joy block him and move on. Any of us who've been his age and working 12-16 hours a day (normal for guys hard on the career or self-employment track) still will make time for a lady if we like her. BTDT. There's always ways to carve out time. Shut the keyboard romeo down if he doesn't put his flesh where his phone is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 Why would YOU want to date a man that works long hours and has long periods of absence in communication? Look out for yourself, no one else will. This man doesn't have the profile of a good man that will be there for you and eventually there for your kid. He's young, motivated, has his mind on other things. Move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 When I was in my 20's and dating I never let kids stop me from dating someone cool... In my 30's I did the same.. dated single women and single women with kids and I wound up marrying a single Mom with a child... and in my 40's I still did the same and wound up marrying a single woman with no kids... I never once dated a woman with kids for an easy lay.. I will say though that being career driven & owning your own business has it's perks.. and that was I never had to wait long before finding someone to date... The hours I worked did take it's toll on relationships at times but most of the time the women were independent enough that it didn't affect us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Khaysha92 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Share Posted December 6, 2018 You need to meet him in person before letting this go on any further. He's setting you up for low expectations. Oh and to answer your question, being a single mom has nothing to do with anything. I was a single mom to 3 children and had many, many dates with career driven men. In fact, those were the only type of men I dated. And current bf is very career driven. To be fair to him/ the situation we started talking last Tuesday, i flew out for a short mini break Tuesday and im back in the UK tonorrow (friday) so there wasnt much time between then for us to meet before i left. We will probably meet next week as we're both busy this weekend with our works Christmas parties etc... I think he was trying to set expectations so i wouldn't feel like he was ignoring me during his busier than normal work schedule. Or maybe im making excuses for him... I do also know his job role is busy this time of year as we work in a similar industries but on very diffrent levels. I have always dated very successful guys in the past, however this is my first time as a mom and normally they are older than me so i guess I'm more hesitant this time. I do feel like being a mom I'm having to sus peoole out differently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Khaysha92 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Share Posted December 6, 2018 If I may expand upon this post... The one time I tried to date a single mother, the above was my mindset. Easy, minimal time effort & expense for sex, woman being desperate for male provider, not as picky, etc. The single mom I briefly dated had her child every other weekend. She wasn't quite ready for me to meet her kid, which meant I had free time to troll the bars for something better (every other weekend). We only got together on the weekends when Dad had the kid. My advice... tread with caution. He would be in for a short sharp shock if this is the case however I can see how some woman fit into that bracket. I am treading with caution as i dont want to get my feelings hurt but thank you for your insight x Link to post Share on other sites
Author Khaysha92 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Share Posted December 6, 2018 PLEASE PLEASE do not introduce your child to this " random" guy. I wouldnt introduce my child to somebody unless we had been dating for at least 6 months. So do not worry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 To be fair to him/ the situation we started talking last Tuesday, i flew out for a short mini break Tuesday and im back in the UK tonorrow (friday) so there wasnt much time between then for us to meet before i left. We will probably meet next week as we're both busy this weekend with our works Christmas parties etc... I think he was trying to set expectations so i wouldn't feel like he was ignoring me during his busier than normal work schedule. Or maybe im making excuses for him... I do also know his job role is busy this time of year as we work in a similar industries but on very diffrent levels. I have always dated very successful guys in the past, however this is my first time as a mom and normally they are older than me so i guess I'm more hesitant this time. I do feel like being a mom I'm having to sus peoole out differently. Being a mother is no reason not to date successful guys or for successful guys not to be interested in you. I wouldn't talk excessively about my kids on a first date as no man is really interested in your kids at that stage. But still wear your motherhood crown with pride. Your child will always come first, and a man who really likes you will understand that. No matter how busy and successful a man is, if he REALLY is interested he will make time to meet with you. It only takes an hour to meet for a coffee. I wouldn't take him seriously at all until you meet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Khaysha92 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Share Posted December 6, 2018 He finds you attractive and wants a sexual relationship with you when he has time....that's it. He's not thinking about the future/marriage/kids.....he just wants companionship/sex to fit into his schedule. I mean as much as i want more children and to one day get married I'm not thinking about all that yet myself and we barely know each other to know if we would even work together etc... I guess my question was more around is him being so career driven and me being a single mom was it doomed before anything even had a chance to form/ would he ever seriously date me if we got to that point... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Khaysha92 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Share Posted December 6, 2018 Why would YOU want to date a man that works long hours and has long periods of absence in communication? Look out for yourself, no one else will. This man doesn't have the profile of a good man that will be there for you and eventually there for your kid. He's young, motivated, has his mind on other things. Move on. Well he isn't my normal type but so far we have gotten on really well... he had me laughing from the first few messages we exchanged. I could date somebody who works long hours and has gaps in communication if i know hes genuinely busy becuase the time we do spend together will be special. I dont need to speak to somebody constantly during the day but the initial dating stage where you don't rrally know what they are doing or who esle they might be talking to cam be abit daugting. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 It's easy to meet before Christmas parties even if they're on the same day. They're generally at the same time and presuming you all live in the same area it can be pretty efficient too as you're both already dressed up for the party. Do it, women generally gauge attractiveness, or not, in about ten seconds, then proceed from there. Dragging it out just drags it out and takes focus away from other suitors. If things flow, then make a firm date. If he can't make a firm date, he's not a successful man because such men know how to manage their time and keep their commitments. Their word is their bond. That's part of success. Accept nothing inferior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Khaysha92 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Share Posted December 6, 2018 Being a mother is no reason not to date successful guys or for successful guys not to be interested in you. I wouldn't talk excessively about my kids on a first date as no man is really interested in your kids at that stage. But still wear your motherhood crown with pride. Your child will always come first, and a man who really likes you will understand that. No matter how busy and successful a man is, if he REALLY is interested he will make time to meet with you. It only takes an hour to meet for a coffee. I wouldn't take him seriously at all until you meet. You are right! I need to sort out a time for us to meet and assess the situation from there. I guess I'm just nervous as this is the first time I've really spoken to a guy since having my little one. So im still trying to figure out dating as a mom in my mind and i don't want to be seen as some "easy spare time lay". I'm not in any rush for us to become serious but i also don't want to be written off simply becuase im a mom if that makes sense. Thank you for your kind words Link to post Share on other sites
Author Khaysha92 Posted December 6, 2018 Author Share Posted December 6, 2018 (edited) It's easy to meet before Christmas parties even if they're on the same day. They're generally at the same time and presuming you all live in the same area it can be pretty efficient too as you're both already dressed up. If things flow, then make a firm date. If he can't make a firm date, he's not a successful man because such men know how to manage their time and keep their commitments. Their word is their bond. That's part of success. Accept nothing inferior. I haven't asked him where his is but your are right poteionally we could meet up before our respective parties. I will ask him when we speak later. The vibe I'm getting time wise is this is a busy time of year in his work world but it wont be like this in the new year e.g he will finish work at a decent time and we would be able to see each other more. It doesnt help that he's going home (Roughly 250 miles away) for Christmas so i deffiently wont see him during that time Edited December 6, 2018 by Khaysha92 Link to post Share on other sites
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