Getting involved

[Fresnite]

I met this woman online who has a fiance. And I know this is true because I seen both of their facebooks. Also she will video with me on one app while voice chatting with him on another. It's a long distance relationship they both have. It's been going on for years and for whatever reasons they just haven't moved to the same state yet.

 

This has been going on for a few weeks now between me and her. We spend a lot of time together whether it's texting or voicing or videoing. I mean we can only do this after her fiance goes offline.

 

I hear her side of the arguments when i'm videoing with her and she is voicing with him. I don't know why she is with him. He is such a corn ball. Like he restricts her and is controlling and that's why I think she is interested in communicating with me because he doesn't let her?

 

I mean me and her click very well. There is definitely chemistry on both sides. I just don't know what to do or what's going on. Like should I pursue? I know I shouldn't be doing this but she is so cool. We hit it off well. She tells me she only does this because her fiance puts restrictions on her. They also met online. Like the guy is a lame. He sounds like he's the woman in relationship and she has told me her family feels the same way. I can see it from their voice chatting and she will send me a screen shot of some of his messages.

 

Im worried and confused because I really like her but not sure if I should stay involved.

[Purepony]

Sounds like you are wasting your time. Go find a girl who’s available and wants to be with you in person not online

[PRW]

You are being the the Orbiter, the Therapist, and the White-Knighter (a type of Orbiter),...all rolled into one. All of them are bad. Google the terms if you need to understand. If she does dump the guy she will suddenly pop up with a new guy,...just out of the blue. You won't even know she broke up with the old one until after she has the new one. You'll be sitting there with your head spinning thinking, "Wha...what? Why not me??"

 

If she was interested in you romantically she would have keep the BF secret, gave you every indication she was single and available,...and waited for you to offer a date. If you responded properly she would then dump the old BF silently in the background and you may not know he even existed other then she may refer to her "Ex" in a conversation later on.

 

There is stupid stuff she is doing too,...but she didn't write in to us.

 

The terms:

Obiter: What you have been doing in general with her all along

 

Therapist: Listening to her complaints of dissatisfaction with her BF. Even if you are doing that by "over hearing" them it is the same thing.

White-Knighter: Your own complaints and descriptions of her BF you've made yourself. You are positionally "standing up" for her. Defending her, like a Knight.

[Fresnite]

You are being the the Orbiter, the Therapist, and the White-Knighter (a type of Orbiter),...all rolled into one. All of them are bad. Google the terms if you need to understand. If she does dump the guy she will suddenly pop up with a new guy,...just out of the blue. You won't even know she broke up with the old one until after she has the new one. You'll be sitting there with your head spinning thinking, "Wha...what? Why not me??"

 

If she was interested in you romantically she would have keep the BF secret, gave you every indication she was single and available,...and waited for you to offer a date. If you responded properly she would then dump the old BF silently in the background and you may not know he even existed other then she may refer to her "Ex" in a conversation later on.

 

There is stupid stuff she is doing too,...but she didn't write in to us.

 

The terms:

Obiter: What you have been doing in general with her all along

 

Therapist: Listening to her complaints of dissatisfaction with her BF. Even if you are doing that by "over hearing" them it is the same thing.

White-Knighter: Your own complaints and descriptions of her BF you've made yourself. You are positionally "standing up" for her. Defending her, like a Knight.

 

 

Wow this sounds like something professional lol. Thanks so much for your deep insight.

 

To clarify when we first met she said she couldn't talk with me because of her fiance. But i'm rather smooth and we exchanged pics.

 

Is it wrong of me if I entertain the situation? She does intrigue me and it has its own tantalizing feeling on what we are doing.

 

But thanks so much for your input. This has probably been the overall most solid feedback I ever received online, so thanking you for your time.

 

Im curious for you to please elaborate on "this stupid stuff she is doing"?

[PRW]

Wow this sounds like something professional lol. Thanks so much for your deep insight.

 

Thanks! I don't hear that very often.

 

Is it wrong of me if I entertain the situation? She does intrigue me and it has its own tantalizing feeling on what we are doing.

Not "wrong" but I would say "in vain". If you were rolling around in bed with her behind the BF's back then that would be different. "Tantalizing"? Yea, there is a little benefit from the limited attention a guy gets as an Orbiter but it is usually a dead end, and often ends badly for the Orbiter as I described. But on the other hand you get to enjoy the attention without the risk of actually being in a relationship.

 

Im curious for you to please elaborate on "this stupid stuff she is doing"?

Allowing a guy to become an Orbiter,...allowing a guy to get close and potentially develop feelings when she knows she won't ever give him what he secretly wants is a negative. Her allowing you to listen to her conversations with the BF is most certainly dishonest and disrespectful to the BF. Even if he knew you were listening, it is still not good at all. It doesn't matter what he is like, it does not justify her treating him that way. She should still demonstrate her own independent integrity regardless of his. If she got into some kind of relationship with you she could do the same thing to you with another guy listening in.

[d0nnivain]

Why would you want to entertain this? Even if you "win" her away from the FI what have you really gained? A woman who is a cheater, whose word can't be trusted.

[Purepony]

I don’t think he’s involved he’s just wasting his time