tank is empty

[d0nnivain]

I've been clinically depressed since my parents died & only barely functioning. I have been through therapy; I can't take meds for it (sophisticated medical tests confirm that my body has adverse reactions to anti-depressants).

 

 

I have always hated Christmas.

 

 

I'm stressed from the season & work. I played hookey from work today because I'm crumbling under the pressure.

 

 

I just learned two friends are in serious trouble -- one was arrested & the other was fired (again). They want my professional help to fix their problems (by education, experience & profession I have the skills). Unfortunately I am so burned out I am not competent to help anybody, including myself right now.

 

 

I have not been under a therapist's care for over a year. The last one really screwed me. She treated me for 18+ months & never sent a single bill to me or the insurance company. She takes my insurance but never bothered to fill out a bill. Then she tried to get me to pay but refused to give me the diagnostic codes that the insurance company would require to pay her or reimburse me. So I'm a bit untrusting of therapy in this moment.

 

 

So what do I do now?

[carhill]

Bring some light into your life. Literally. Ha, ha, on queue as I type this, the timer on the torch light in the living room came on

 

Something I also do out here in the forest is keep the radio on, playing music.

More info on the light thing

 

I used it at the advice of my brain team to treat sundowning, especially during the winter months, when I was caregiving. I kept the house at near daylight levels until 10 or 11 at night to help my mom keep her normal sleep patterns, as demented people can reverse days and nights.

 

I also find it helps me now that I'm in a northern latitude and it gets dark early this time of year.

 

I dealt with some depression when caregiving and found daily or semi-daily walks with my wife helped a lot, along with other exercise. I tried to stay away from drugs though I had access to pretty powerful ones, and for the most part did. If you can't process drugs that does limit things.

 

Have you considered acupuncture or herbal therapies?

[Purepony]

I’m sorry to hear you are going through this.

I’ve been feeling like that this year too almost mindless.

I spent thanksgiving alone because I didn’t want to be around anyone, I plan to do the same on Christmas. Lately it’s been an issue just to even eat.

 

Sleeping has helped me a lot. I’ve been taking NyQuil to sleep and I’ve waked up feeling better. I think that’s how I’m able to keep up production at work.

 

Try a hobby or something you like to keep your mind busy that’s also helped me

 

I wish I could suggest mire but I’m also dealing with it

[carhill]

Oh, also, if older and not checked in awhile, get checked for hormone balance, thyroid, blood glucose, and vitamin processing.

 

As an anecdote, for an older man, a low T can result in lethargy, depression, besides other symptoms. Rev up the T and alertness and energy and focus return. Our bodies are big chemical factories and sometimes things get out of balance. I've seen marked changes from little more than dietary changes/modifications. Pretty amazing how our bodies and brains work.

[d0nnivain]

Alas it's not physical although there are psychosomatic complications at play. I have been through the mill of dopey doctors hypothesizing that I have everything from MS to Lupus to a cardiac condition to cancer. When I am feeling "happier" (in quotes because it's a relative term) the physical ailments go away.

[hippychick3]

Aw, I'm sorry Donnivain.

 

Would it be possible to get away? A little vacation over Xmas?

 

Planning a trip and then being in a different (and better) environment this time of year might be just what you need to get you over this hump.

[d0nnivain]

Light & noise do help. I can't stand a silent house. I also keep the place well lit -- 100 watt bulbs etc. I have been diagnosed with S.A.D. season affect disorder so I know that is a contributing factor. DH makes a point to take me some place tropical between Dec & mid March because it helps.

 

This year we are going to see M.I.L. Read my other threads about her to understand why that is not a warm trip to help me.

 

I'm more concerned about the immediacy, especially my friends' sinking ships & my inability to fix their problems. I am a fixer by nature & when I can't fix I freak.

[carhill]

Being used to foggy, dreary winters, my exW and I planned a couple trips to Australia around the holidays to experience it during summer (seasons reversed). What a treat! It was so weird being on Manly Beach in summer on New Years. Anyway, sometimes a change of scenery can shake things loose. However, if persistent, depression can be a bugger if traveling and not able to shake it. Meh.

[Marc878]

What I've learned from situations.

 

It's ok to say NO to others. Let them figure it out. (I used to try and fix everything).

 

It's not the end of the world to take a few days off or a vacation. Everything will survive without you.

 

The world doesn't hinge on any one person. Take that monkey off your back.

[Beachead]

Alas it's not physical although there are psychosomatic complications at play. I have been through the mill of dopey doctors hypothesizing that I have everything from MS to Lupus to a cardiac condition to cancer. When I am feeling "happier" (in quotes because it's a relative term) the physical ailments go away.

 

I know the feeling DOnnivain as I'm burned out as well. At this point I take it day by day.

 

You're a compassionate, thoughtful poster on LS. What would you advise others to do if they were feeling like this?

Edited December 7, 2018 by Beachead

[Garcon1986]

First, are you able to get good sleep?

 

Second, can you journal for us anything you have to be thankful for at the moment? Any points of shining light in your life?

[alphamale]

So what do I do now?

 

start praying

[BaileyB]

I felt this way after the death of my mother. I exercised what I called - extreme self care. I would tell others "I'm not doing anything I don't want to do, or anything that makes me feel good, right now." I was only half joking...

 

In all seriousness, I did practice self care for six months to a year after her death. I didn't feel bad about selfishly taking the time - I knew that I needed it! I said no to almost everything. I said yes to the things I wanted to do - the friends who I wanted to see, the hobbies that brought me joy, the trips that filled my soul. I spent a lot of time alone, walking, sleeping, and I learned to knit (that was helpful actually, it gave me something to do and kept my mind busy and productive). I went for massages, I spent some time at the spa, I started doing yoga (during the meditation, I allowed myself to feel the sadness and silent tears would fall from my eyes...).

 

Slowly, the fog started to lift. I had more energy, the phayciaphysical complaints went away, and I began to feel more positive about the future.

 

I wish you well in your journey. If you hpmust go and see your MIL at Christmas, make it a short visit. Plan something for you to do with your husband for New Years - even if it is a night stay at a hotel and a nice dinner. Take care, friend.

[alphamale]

oh I forgot to add that there many classes of anti-depressants...one must work for you and if not you could try ECT

[gcp]

If its any consolation your words really helped me recently. You are a very kind and thoughtful person, even to people you don't even know, and that is an amazing quality.

[amaysngrace]

Tea and warm baths with epsom salt always soothes my soul.

 

I’m very sorry you’re feeling so down. I know the feeling. I drank away every holiday the year I lost my mom, my dad died not even two years prior and my heart hurt so badly from missing them both so much that’s about all I could do just to get through.

 

A totally terrible way to cope, I know, especially when combined with retail therapy to fill the void since drunken shopping from home is a thing. I finally donated all that crap just last month, a lot of it brand new with tags but I just wanted the space back.

 

You’re a very giving person and unfortunately some people are takers. It’s okay to know your limitations and to stop offering your help. If they’re true friends they’ll be equally concerned for your well-being as you are theirs and will completely understand when you say “I’m sorry, I can’t”

 

But if all they’re doing is dumping on you but not asking for you to step in to help then try not to make their problems your own because they’re not, they’re theirs. Sure you can listen but try your very best to not let it affect your mood. Practicing detachment can definitely help with that.

 

If you’re having trouble sleeping melatonin works pretty well and so does benadryl if you require something heavier.

 

I hope you get out of the rut you’re in soon. It makes me sad when good people suffer. What’s been reassuring for me in the past is realizing it’s in the valley we grow.

 

Hugs xo

[Haydn]

Hi Don,

 

Try some Milkthistle.

 

Good for lots of things.

 

Hope things look up for you.

[Nukem]

Try some Milkthistle.

 

I think it is also known as White thistle and Silymarin.

I take it 2-3 times a day 2-3 grams in total.

White thistle is manly known for its liver cleansing properties.

[preraph]

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time. First, go get labs done. You might benefit from something as simple as vitamin D. I'm on it daily, per my doctor. You might also get a hormone panel done in case there's an imbalance. I'm 66 and still on hormones. I think I'd be a mess without them both emotionally and physically for sure.

 

Labs can drill down to see if you actually have lupus. I had one marker for it myself some years ago, so further deeper blood testing was done, and it eliminated lupus. Get to the bottom of all that.

 

That one friend of yours is enough to make me psychosomatic just hearing about her. A gay male friend of mine (call him Blair) got very depressed years ago because he was trying to fix this guy (call him Slacker) he was in love with who was his friend but who wasn't gay. I am proud to say I opened his eyes. That guy was a mess. My friend bought Slacker a car after Slacker's grandmother died, who was the only person left still trying to help support Slacker. Of course, Slacker can't be fixed that easy, and Blair got really down and depressed because Slacker was down and depressed. I talked to him because there was also this messed up relationship going on with Blair always hoping Slacker would be his boyfriend. When Blair told me he bought him a car now that his grandmother wasn't around anymore, I told him, "So now you're his grandmother." And he had an aha moment because he remembered that Slacker had actually said something like "You're like my grandmother." So Blair finally gave up on Slacker and stopped letting him get him down. He realized the more he did, the more of a parental figure he would become, the last thing he wanted.

 

Long story short, people you care about can suck the strength out of you and bring you down with them. You're got two bringing you down right now. I'm sure they are both wanting you to help them for free, but if one of them isn't, just refer them.

 

Psychosomatic is real. I usually have to get psychosomatically physically ill before I will confront a big problem or make a huge change, like quitting a job or going to work where I know I'll be around an ex. I used to get psychosomatically ill before Christmas sometimes because I dreaded seeing the parents for one reason or another, and there's always good reasons.

 

I used to tell myself, Next year, I'm going on a trip over the holidays so no one will be too mad I'm not doing Christmas. Never actually did it, because not enough time off. You can opt out, though.

 

As for your insurance, I assume this therapist simply doesn't do insurance billing codes and that's her poor excuse. Let me tell you, most doctors in Dallas don't even take Medicare patients and some don't take insurance because they have to staff up for it. Medicare doesn't pay big city doctors enough to make it worth their while. I hope you can go after that person legally. She HAS to release your records to you if you ask for them and you'd have to pay a fee. She does not have to release them to anyone else. But once you have them, surely you can find someone who can do medical coding. It's a big pain, I realize.

 

And next time, you will simply have to ask the office manager how they do it for insurance or if they do it and find out if they do all of it or if you have to file and try to find someone who does it. You might consider online therapists, but make sure they're real psychologists and not someone's P.A. or internist or life coach or "trained" but not degreed.

 

For now, you need to put off these two who need your professional help. Tell them you need to get through the holidays. Tell them you have too much on your plate. Then talk to your good husband and see if you two can work out something to opt out of a lot of the holiday festivities or get a cabin in the woods, or go to the beach, something to look forward to where no one can get to you or intrude.