Noemiforever43 Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 Hi Everyone, I am pouring my heart out, I am recently been told, that I am not good looking enough for my soon to be ex husband, He told me on Thanksgiving day, That he was done with our marriage. I was so stunned, I ask if there was anyone else he said no,of course I don"t believe him, But the processed of detachment is so painful. And Is almost Christmas time and he also wants the divorce now. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling. A guy who tells you he wants a divorce on Thanksgiving is a special kind of guy... and then to tell you that it is because you are not good looking enough. Well now... How long have you been married? Are there other problems in your relationship, or is this his only explanation. Because, if this is his story and he’s sticking to it... I’m going to tell you that despite how you must feel right now, your life will be better without him. A good man who truly loves his wife would never leave a marriage because his partner is “not good looking enough.” Only the most shallow of men would do this, and you don’t want to be with him if that is the case. Keep posting - share your feelings as there is a lot of support here for you. Again, I’m so sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KJC Posted November 25, 2018 Share Posted November 25, 2018 That is a cruel reason to tell someone you want divorce. I will tell you he obviously has some issues himself and he is looking for a easy way out. There are no words that anyone can tell you hear to make you feel better. But day by day it definitely gets better. Focus on yourself and you will slowly start to feel better. It is a long road trust me I’m on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 His timing is terrible, that is for sure but in the long run this may be the best gift you get. You will soon be free to find somebody who does think you are amazing. His opinion that you are "not good enough" is just that, his opinion, not fact. Do not take him as Gospel. Find a support group. Mourn the loss. It will be hard but you can do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 Well, I know you're heartbroken and hurt -- but this guy sounds like a sadistic jerk! Who tells someone they married that? I'm afraid you gave him too much benefit of the doubt assuming he cares about anything other than sex with a young hottie. What a jerk. Look, I can't help but just think good riddance to bad rubbish, because no one deserves that. He's rude and cruel and egotistical to boot. I am certain that even with eyes closed you can find a nicer man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted November 26, 2018 Author Share Posted November 26, 2018 I guess I should be more specific, He has had a terrible journey before, I was not acknowledge what the future would be , with someone like him, He had a Car Accident, and was in a coma for 3 weeks, his doctors and parents had no idea he would make it, this took place in 2002, I met him in 2009 and the beauty of it, was that he became my BFF for 3 years, we met online, we talked for many hours, then we realize we had so much in common, and finally we wanted to meet face to face, but lost touch in 2011, I got marry and lost touch with him, than we met again in 2013, from the that time on, he did not let me go, it was CRAZY! he was attached to me we talked all talk all the time, we move in together in 2014, we got married in 2016, and we are getting divorced in 2019, his reasons are i am controlling, jealous, not good looking, and horrible housekeeper, he is disabled, but I always over see that, because to me his heart was all i needed, due to his disability, he cannot work full time, so I became the full time person in our relationship, I also started feeling horrible knowing he was not doing much in the house and accusing me of not doing anything, anyways, I am at this point, that his TBI could be part of all this, I live and learned my lesson, to at east walkaway with my dignity, I Know all his reasons could be workable, but I think he has someone else, and I ask him however again he says nope... I don't trust his words anymore, and I guess is better for now to stop talking to each other. it just hurts way too much, because I really love him, I know I am worth it , I know my value, and with GODS help day by day would be better. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 If he has a brain injury, that could most definitely explain his behavior. I’m so sorry that it did not work out for you. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 Are you controlling, jealous & a bad housekeeper? I know I am a lousy housekeeper. If your husband doesn't feel loved & appreciated I can see where he wants out. It's still cruel of him to blame this divorce on your looks. If you can see past his disabilities he also ought to be able to see you with his heart. When you are in love, everybody is beautiful. Granted he's probably just saying that not because it's true but because he knows it will hurt you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted November 26, 2018 Author Share Posted November 26, 2018 Hi DonniVain! Thanks for the reply, no I am not a great Housekeeper, and honestly with my career as an agent, I am a new Property and Casualty agent Insurance field, I am exhausted when I get home, I leave my place with the kids at 730am, come back at 7pm and this is Monday Thru Friday, on weekends I supposed to be cleaning, but this holiday season slow me down, and had family events to do with his family, I did not make him happy either way he was angry. I try my best, but gotta be honest I have to be a mom first when I get home and cook and cleaned as much as i can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted November 26, 2018 Author Share Posted November 26, 2018 Thank you Bailey, I guess it is what it is, I just gotta take my time and be strong, I know my value. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 Maybe him leaving is a blessing in disguise. It sounds like being married to him is a challenge. You may be better off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted November 26, 2018 Author Share Posted November 26, 2018 True, his brain injury must be in the way, I don't know what else it could be, I know I am not great on been 24/7 home mom and wife and work all at the same time, but who is? I try, I am sad, to have to start all over with my 2 boys, but Thank GOD is better this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 I got marry and lost touch with him, than we met again in 2013, from the that time on, he did not let me go, it was CRAZY! Were you still married when you reconnected with him in 2013? OP, there are a lot of unfortunate stories like yours when there’s a strong online component in dating and courtship. Skipping the early in-person interactions seems to have consequences down the road... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 A brain injury will definitely change a personality if it's in certain regions. It can make someone violent. It can make them just mean. that doesn't mean you should stick around and take that sort of nonsense. his brain injury very well may be why he changed. I lost track of your time line. if that happened prior to you meeting him then he would have been that way already in all likelihood. If it happens after then it would explain a change in behavior. But there's no curing that so there's no reason to stick around for that kind of unpleasantness. He's digging himself a hole though because he obviously needs someone to take care of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 Hi Everyone, hope all of you are doing well, I feel so lonely and yet, I know i should be happier, because he is gone, But it hurts to know all has changed. I wondered if stop talking to him would make him miss me, but then I realize I know he does not care! and is just me grieving this alone, knowing he is done with me. I am working on moving on, because is the only healthy thing I can do, I never done this before, my ex husband cheated on me, that was easy to move on, but this guy I don't know if he is cheating or not, and at this point maybe I should just think he is cheating, so I can move on! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 I am currently thinking, there is a 2 chance for my marriage, but then again I am not sure, he has call all the shots, first he wanted out of this marriage right away, now he is thinking this separation may work out, and maybe in the future we can be together again, but the sad reality is he is not home anymore, the kids go to him 2 a week, and his parents are been hopeful, but according to everything is all my fault, I am so confused, there is moments when I hate him, and other times, that I miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Go with friends and do happy things! We can all relate to your loss. Your happiness is of the utmost importance right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 Hi Mr Lucky, sorry it took so long to reply back. I was no longer married in 2013, and yes you are right! courtship is the only way to go, I am thinking my timing with him was never correct, and also he was not supposed to move so fast with me, I am at fault for keeping relationship to last this long, when his issues had been always in the way, Is hard to understand someone with a TBI and I try looking over that, and I was wrong. I guess Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 Thank You Garcon 1986, I don't know anyone around here. I live in Texas now, and i have all my friends in California, I actually move here to help him be closer to his family, and he also hates me for that.... Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted November 28, 2018 Share Posted November 28, 2018 Ahhh welcome to Texas where everything is bigger. Can I suggest meetup.com, to browse social clubs near you with interests you might enjoy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 I guess I should try that, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted November 28, 2018 Author Share Posted November 28, 2018 Here we go again, this is my 2 marriage and I just want to clarify, I been alone as a single mom for 13 years, before I got re-married I always hold back, but with this guy I was so laid back and had no worries of loosing him, and now is like a bad nightmare, So I just decided just now!! that life is way too short to be crying for someone who was only infatuated with me, but not in Love with me, so I am going to detached is something, That I gotta do for me. I don't think I can handle waiting , and what if he decides to get with someone, and then what? I waited for no reason.... I hate hurting people and I also hate been hurt... I do know my value as a woman! I was always thinking he wanted me forever, but its not what he wants. I am going to start working on my special journey, I will keep all of you posted, I think this would be good for me Link to post Share on other sites
Filly4thirteen Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 OP I’m so sorry your going thru this. But we are all here to help as best we can. When I went thru my divorce a few months back I got a lot of advice from Here that was very helpful. The one piece of advice most helpful was going no contact unless it specifically pertained to the kids. My ex claimed she wasn’t cheating and wanted a separation but it was in fact false and she was cheating. I haven’t been on here for quite some time but since my last post things have gotten real bad. She has introduced my daughter to another man, not the one she was cheating with, and now it seems as tho she is moving him in. It’s heartbreaking but I aloud my life to be defined by someone else’s actions. I’ve since had a nervous breakdown and lost my Job due to the stress and depression but I’m slowly pulling myself up and rebuilding my life. My advice to you is DONT let someone else’s actions and decisions shape your life like I did. Dig deep. Keep posting on here. Get involved in church (if you believe in that) volunteer , excercise. Anything to keep your mind off this crap your dealing with. You are beautiful and tell yourself that everyday. No man deserves to be with any woman if he is shallow enough to say that to her, especially on thanksgiving. Don’t look backwards only forward. God has a great life for you. But sometimes we don’t hear Him. Remember the teacher is always silent during a test. I wish you the best of luck and remember YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT! screw him if he can’t see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Noemiforever43 Posted December 2, 2018 Author Share Posted December 2, 2018 Thank You everyone, specially Fill4thirteen I am strong, and prayed all the time, to stay strong, he has a TBI and has no remorse of what he does, I just hope my boys don't end up hating him, I am going to statrt looking for a new church, and also will be starting a yoga class, I have to learned to believe in me, and know who I am, it hurts but I will be ok, With GOD by my side Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 Hi Everyone, I am pouring my heart out, I am recently been told, that I am not good looking enough for my soon to be ex husband, He told me on Thanksgiving day, That he was done with our marriage. I was so stunned, I ask if there was anyone else he said no,of course I don"t believe him, But the processed of detachment is so painful. And Is almost Christmas time and he also wants the divorce now. TBH, if my husband told me this it would be game over for me. Nothing makes me detach from a man than when I know he doesn't want me. Sorry he hurt you OP but it's time to put your big girl panties on and move on. Please don't beg or try to get him back because when a man says those things to a woman it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts