Now that I'm 50...

[brigit87]

I need to stop acting like a child and need to take charge of myself and my emotions. This is difficult but I need to try.

 

What do you need to do?

[Happy Lemming]

For the record, I'm 53...

 

At 50, I needed to deal with a little "preventive maintenance" for my body.

 

Have you researched "colonoscopies"?? I had to also deal with getting my prostate checked (which you won't have to deal with). Last year, I lost 25 pounds and got my cholesterol back in line and am a lot more careful about what I eat. I added a mandatory daily morning exercise routine. And I got more disciplined about keeping my dental appointments/cleanings every 6 months and not letting them slide.

 

I retired (early) in January, which also meant a tighter grip on my finances; more attention to my monthly budget and (rainy day) savings goals. I'm looking more at purchases as "needs" vs. "wants"... Do I really "need" that item or do I "want" that item?? In the end, I really don't "need" any more material possessions. I am saving up for a wet tile saw to do some tile work in my home, but I'm considering tools as a "need", as I'll be saving quite a bit of money by doing the tile work myself.

 

I also made a "bucket list" of places I wanted to visit, while I still feel young and able to travel/adventure, but staying within my travel budget. I've been "debt-free" for quite some time and want to stay that way.

 

When I worked, I was always in a hurry pushing myself hard, now I can slow down a bit. Spend a few extra minutes exchanging pleasantries with my neighbors at the fence, etc.

 

Maybe take stock of your life and see if you regret anything you've done in the past?? Personally, I'm trying to learn lessons and think out actions, before I make that "mistake"...

[d0nnivain]

I need to shrug off this defeatist mentality, like it's over so what's the sense of trying. I have to find a new purpose & rededicate myself to it.

[FMW]

Fully step into your power as the driver of your life.

 

Pursue new hobbies and interests if they pop up and deepen your involvement in those that have been part of your life for a while.

 

Take care of your relationships and nurture them, set boundaries and enforce them where needed.

 

Take responsibility for yourself and your actions, but don't beat yourself up when you slip.

 

I'm 53, I love this age. I feel more confident and empowered than ever before in my life.

[alphamale]

I'm 53, I love this age. I feel more confident and empowered than ever before in my life.

 

i'm 53 too. I also love getting older. Youth really is wasted on the young.

[preraph]

My biggest stressor when young was falling in love and it not working out. I'm overly passionate but don't like the day to day domestic stuff. I get real emotional and obsessed. One thing I like about getting older is I've pretty much just decided to get rid of that stressor. When I was young, my drive for excitement made it necessary to keep moving, but now I'm older, it's much easier to be content. Good thing I pretty much did most of what I wanted to do when young. Now I'm happiest at home with my dogs and eating out somewhere nice occasionally.

 

Get rid of your stressors.

[Mr. Lucky]

What do you need to do?

 

50 was a wake-up call for me (I'm now mid 60's) because I realized I knew what I wanted to do, just had been finding reasons (time, finances, etc) not to do it.

 

So I started to travel, get serious about my tennis game and began taking courses in things I'm interested in. I'd worked full-time plus since I was 16 years old and simply decided I was ready for some "me" time.

 

It's been fun ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[brigit87]

I retired (early) in January, which also meant a tighter grip on my finances; more attention to my monthly budget and (rainy day) savings goals. I'm looking more at purchases as "needs" vs. "wants"... Do I really "need" that item or do I "want" that item?? In the end, I really don't "need" any more material possessions. I am saving up for a wet tile saw to do some tile work in my home, but I'm considering tools as a "need", as I'll be saving quite a bit of money by doing the tile work myself.

 

.

 

If you're able to retire at 53 you must have been massively wise with your choice of profession. Congratulations. You should write a book on "how to retire early."

[brigit87]

Take responsibility for yourself and your actions, but don't beat yourself up when you slip.

 

.

 

I want to do that. I tend not to take responsibility or take responsibility and beat myself up.

[darkmoon]

I became less impulsive, look before you leap, and less trusting, no more personal info discussed with just anybody in an effort to bond, take a back seat...

[Happy Lemming]

If you're able to retire at 53 you must have been massively wise with your choice of profession. Congratulations. You should write a book on "how to retire early."

 

Thank you for the compliment!

 

It wasn't that difficult. I worked my regular job as an accountant to pay the day to day bills. In my spare time I worked on "fixer-upper" homes and sold them for a profit. Took the profits and rolled them into the next and the next, etc. When the real estate market collapsed and the banks wouldn't lend money, I seller-financed a couple of homes and am living off of the interest.

 

Presently, I'm working on another "fixer-upper". I don't know what I'll do with it when I'm done, but I really like working with my hands. It gives me a sense of accomplishment when I finish a project. For me, its an enjoyable hobby.

[whichwayisup]

I need to stop acting like a child and need to take charge of myself and my emotions. This is difficult but I need to try.

 

What do you need to do?

 

How do you act like a child? Do you mean you're childlike or childish? There's a big difference..

 

Being mindful and putting others first at times can help you grow into a more rounded person.

 

How are you not in charge of your emotions or yourself?

[Simple Logic]

I try everyday to act like a child, sure beats acting like an old codger.

[basil67]

I am 51. The beginning is to stop blaming your parents for the situation you're in. You describe your past as being one of abuse and neglect, but everything I've read of your history tells me that yours was a standard 1970's upbringing. Nobody got special treatment or academic considerations back then. Kids with ADD languished in the bottom classes, kids with dyslexia were simply illiterate. There was no tutoring industry. Some parents were single parents. Some parents weren't good parents. Most of us didn't get chauffeured around by parents trying all kinds of different sports.

 

You have wasted too many years already feeling like a victim. Your future now is under your control and yours only. God isn't going to protect you, nor will God pave your way.

 

At this point you need to make goals and work out the steps to achieve them. So what are your top three goals?

Edited December 8, 2018 by basil67

[Ronni_W]

At this point you need to make goals and work out the steps to achieve them.

That is excellent counsel. We cannot hope for improved circumstances if we just keep doing the same thing, or if we do not take constructive, concrete steps towards something better.

 

Your future now is under your control and yours only. God isn't going to protect you, nor will God pave your way.

Indeed we do have full control over our own destiny and fate; however, we can Call upon God to receive spiritual protection and to petition for Guidance and Assistance

in our goals, plans and personal development. Of course, though, it is still up to us to make the necessary efforts here on Earth.

[brigit87]

Thank you for the compliment!

 

It wasn't that difficult. I worked my regular job as an accountant to pay the day to day bills. In my spare time I worked on "fixer-upper" homes and sold them for a profit. Took the profits and rolled them into the next and the next, etc. When the real estate market collapsed and the banks wouldn't lend money, I seller-financed a couple of homes and am living off of the interest.

 

Presently, I'm working on another "fixer-upper". I don't know what I'll do with it when I'm done, but I really like working with my hands. It gives me a sense of accomplishment when I finish a project. For me, its an enjoyable hobby.

 

That's fantastic! You should definitively write a book.

[brigit87]

How do you act like a child? Do you mean you're childlike or childish? There's a big difference..

 

Being mindful and putting others first at times can help you grow into a more rounded person.

 

How are you not in charge of your emotions or yourself?

 

I have trouble staying calm when things go wrong. I get very anxious and depressed over things that others probably handle better.

[brigit87]

I am 51. The beginning is to stop blaming your parents for the situation you're in. You describe your past as being one of abuse and neglect, but everything I've read of your history tells me that yours was a standard 1970's upbringing. Nobody got special treatment or academic considerations back then. Kids with ADD languished in the bottom classes, kids with dyslexia were simply illiterate. There was no tutoring industry. Some parents were single parents. Some parents weren't good parents. Most of us didn't get chauffeured around by parents trying all kinds of different sports.

 

You have wasted too many years already feeling like a victim. Your future now is under your control and yours only. God isn't going to protect you, nor will God pave your way.

 

At this point you need to make goals and work out the steps to achieve them. So what are your top three goals?

 

I know what your saying and your partially right but there was other stuff that a little girl shouldn't have to deal with. An eight year old girl shouldn't need to call her father and ask where the child support is. And that is just the beginning it was a weird and unsafe childhood.

[brigit87]

That is excellent counsel. We cannot hope for improved circumstances if we just keep doing the same thing, or if we do not take constructive, concrete steps towards something better.

 

Indeed we do have full control over our own destiny and fate; however, we can Call upon God to receive spiritual protection and to petition for Guidance and Assistance

in our goals, plans and personal development. Of course, though, it is still up to us to make the necessary efforts here on Earth.

 

I hope your right Ronni.

[anika99]

I have found the fifties kind of tough. Menopause is not fun and the physical changes are hard to accept at times. I sometimes long for the vim and vigor of my youth.

 

But I'm in a good place mentally and emotionally. I have forgiven my parents for their wrongdoings and accepted that they did the best they knew how to do at that time. My ego has come down several notches so I'm more willing to admit when I'm wrong and learn lessons. I'm more grateful for my blessings. I'll never be rich and famous, I'll never be young and beautiful again, but I'm healthy and my kids and grandkids are all healthy and that alone means I'm living a great life.

[BaileyB]

I have found the fifties kind of tough. Menopause is not fun and the physical changes are hard to accept at times.

 

This, I am dreading. I am not there yet, just starting perimenopause and it is not fun. I can only imagine that it is going to get worse...

 

I'm generally pleased with my life. I'm just hoping for good health and the strength to deal with whatever life brings my way...

[Ronni_W]

I hope your right Ronni.

All true spiritual texts include teachings that admonish us to "go within", whether through prayer or spiritual/introspective meditation -- it's not a matter of hoping, but rather, trusting these texts.

 

However, the important parts of my post are that we must take constructive, concrete steps towards something better, and that it is still up to us to make the necessary efforts here on Earth.

It cannot be ignored that we must do the work ourselves.

[basil67]

I know what your saying and your partially right but there was other stuff that a little girl shouldn't have to deal with. An eight year old girl shouldn't need to call her father and ask where the child support is. And that is just the beginning it was a weird and unsafe childhood.

 

I guess the only examples I've seen you write about were things which were normal for the time and yes, there likely are things you haven't told us about. However none of this negates the fact that you have to let it go. Move on from your past and stop being a victim to stuff that happened decades ago.

 

Your past is relevant when it comes to understanding how you think today. But once you've unravelled the past, you need to learn the tools to live in the future.

 

What work have you done with a psychologist?

[Ronni_W]

<snip> yes, there likely are things you haven't told us about. However none of this negates the fact that you have to let it go. Move on from your past and stop being a victim

However, easier said than done. As I see it, the real problem is an unwillingness to actually start actually doing something constructive

Just asking a lot of questions without being willing to struggle for the answers. The 'fruits of one's labours' only comes with one's labours, isn't it so?

People want the rewards without giving up or sacrificing anything - not our blame, or resentment, or holding grudges against other people, the past, etc.

 

basil67 and brigit87, what is our way forward?

[Sarah_Smiles]

Congrats on being 50, brigit87. To your question in your first post, try to not be so hard on yourself and love you - more. Sometimes the quiet little things we do for ourselves mean the most and can achieve a change we need.