Ex GF came back to my life, but now she's out of it again

[CicoRico]

My Ex and I were together for 1 year and 3 months before she ended it because I didn’t take the relationship seriously. I realized my mistakes and regretted it everyday after. I begged and did everything to get her back, but with no luck. She moved on and got herself a new man shortly after.

 

I moved on with my life and 1,5 years later I was in a new relationship. About 1 year in my Ex suddenly started to text me out of nowhere. She never wanted anything particular. She just wanted to talk, it seemed. She would do this every 3 or 4 months, but I never made any moves on her and kept it short. Sometimes we would randomly meet at a club and I could tell she missed me and we talked for hours when we met like this. As time went by she would continue texting me and I started to reply more and she would express how she never stopped loving me even if I did her wrong.

 

We ended opp dating for 11 months behind our loved ones back and would often talk about ending our relationships to be together. I was pretty sure that I wanted to be with her and she said the same, but she couldn’t/wouldn’t end things with her boyfriend. We tried having no contact so she could figure things out and she ended up contacting me after 1 week and we started talking like normal again. I didn’t like where things were going because I felt that she should’ve figured out her situation already and I expressed this to her. (She clearly wasn’t happy in her relationship). She would always say that “I want to be with you and I love you dearly, but I don’t know what to do with my situation.” – I often thought about pulling the plug but everytime I took a step back, she pulled me back in and talked about how she didn’t want to be without me.

 

3 months after we had the no contact period, she suddenly acted disconnected one day and I asked her what was going on. (this was on the phone) - She said she was tired and that she had a lot to do at work and that it was tiring for her to be in this situation between me and her boyfriend and that she felt she couldn’t give me what I deserved while figuring out what she wanted to do. I told her that I understand and that I didn't want to be the reason she wasn't happy and told her I could pull out so she could figure her stuff out. I also said that it felt bad ending it over the phone, to which she replied that it was going to be harder for her to end it if we met. I told her okay and said I was sad about us not working out and that I wished her all happiness in the future. She then said that she wasn’t sure if we wouldn’t work out. I didn’t reply and told her I had to go. She said she loved me and I hung up. Later that day she texted me and asked if we could meet and talk properly before we ended things. After some texts back and forth we agreed to meet 3 days later. She ended the texts by saying that she loved me again. During the days before we met we didn’t talk but one evening she sent me a text telling me that she hoped I had a good day with a heart emoji.

The day we met the conversation was pretty similar to the one we had on the phone. She told me that all she wanted right now was to be with me and that she loved me more than anything, but needed time to find herself and figure things out. I told her I wanted her to be happy and respected her decision even if that decision was to be alone or with her boyfriend. When I said this she immedietaly said she was sure she was going to end it with him shortly and said she was going to let me know when she had done it. She also told me that she appreciated that I was so understanding and that she loved me for it. We kissed and hugged each other over and over and we went our separate ways.

 

We haven’t spoken in 2 weeks and my mind is racing with thousand of questions. I really want to believe her and what she is saying, but at the same time I find it hard to believe that you love someone and all you want is to be with them, yet you decide not to. I am so confused..

 

Thoughts?

 

*Sorry for the bad english*

Edited December 7, 2018 by CicoRico

[Purepony]

It’s really simple.... if she wanted to be with you she would be with you.

Try to get over her and just let her go her way like she wants to

[Simple Logic]

One question. She had no problem breaking up with you, why is it such a problem to split with her current BF?

 

She is having an emotional affair with you. Nothing more will progress from it.

[CicoRico]

One question. She had no problem breaking up with you, why is it such a problem to split with her current BF?

 

She is having an emotional affair with you. Nothing more will progress from it.

 

Isn’t an emotional affair just that? Emotions? We have been intimate in every kind of way since we started doing this.

 

Well, she left me because I cheated on her. She lives with her current boyfriend and he hasn’t really done her anything. They just aren’t compatible.

Edited December 8, 2018 by CicoRico

[nolanola]

That is a significant detail!! You mean the first time you broke up it was because you had cheated?

 

I'm just speaking for myself, but it's really hard to trust someone after that happens. That might be her problem. It's hard to know. I suspect she is conflicted because it sounds like she cares about you a lot. HOWEVER...if she really wants to restart the relationship, she needs to end it with her boyfriend (and you with your girlfriend if you haven't already). If she won't do that, then there is nothing you can do.

 

I would advise you to go NC, give her some space and let her consider the options. You can't force her to do one thing or another. Think about what you want as well. It is extremely unfair to be dragging another person along while you're waiting to see if your ex wants to be with you.

[CicoRico]

That is a significant detail!! You mean the first time you broke up it was because you had cheated?

 

I'm just speaking for myself, but it's really hard to trust someone after that happens. That might be her problem. It's hard to know. I suspect she is conflicted because it sounds like she cares about you a lot. HOWEVER...if she really wants to restart the relationship, she needs to end it with her boyfriend (and you with your girlfriend if you haven't already). If she won't do that, then there is nothing you can do.

 

I would advise you to go NC, give her some space and let her consider the options. You can't force her to do one thing or another. Think about what you want as well. It is extremely unfair to be dragging another person along while you're waiting to see if your ex wants to be with you.

 

The first time we broke up it was because I cheated, yes. This has been something we talked about a lot the first months of us hooking up again, but I'm pretty sure that she knows that I've changed for the better in many ways. She also mentioned this in our last talk and said she had no doubts with me and trusted me 100%. I believe her because I felt she trusted me more and more over the course of the 11 months. Everything she was dealing with, she came to me first. Personal, work, her BF, family etc.

 

I am not going to contact her unless she comes and says she wants to restart the relationship. I feel like there's no other way around it. She ended it and if she wants to be with me, she has to make the steps so we can be together. I'm sure I want to be with her and my current GF knows we're over. We live together for 1 more month because of financial reasons.

[CicoRico]

Wish I could get some more input here, please..

[PegNosePete]

The first time we broke up it was because I cheated, yes. This has been something we talked about a lot the first months of us hooking up again, but I'm pretty sure that she knows that I've changed for the better in many ways.

You say you've changed in many ways but for 11 months you were cheating on your new girlfriend, right? So in fact you haven't changed at all. Maybe that is what she's worried about, and can you blame her? You say you've changed but all the while you were cheating.

 

It looks like she's made her decision for now and that is to stay with her boyfriend. I guess she will probably be back at some point when she has an argument with him or something. If she is then I would not take any more of this messing around. Tell her that she either leaves her boyfriend TODAY or never speaks to you again.

[Million.to.1]

Um... She broke up with you because you cheated on her.

 

Now you (and her) are both in relationships, and are cheating on you respective partners with each other.

 

You obviously didn't learn from you mistakes as you are currently cheating on your current GF with you ex.

Oh course your ex doesn't trust you.. you haven't changed. You are still the same cheating guy she knows! That's why she is "confused" and frankly, rightly so, but she isn't really one to talk - doing the same thing herself.

 

This all sounds very immature and toxic and I feel for your respective current partners who are being treated with complete disrespect by both of you.

 

Maybe you should step back and reevaluate your moral compass before selfishly hurting more people for what you want.

[CicoRico]

Um... She broke up with you because you cheated on her.

 

Now you (and her) are both in relationships, and are cheating on you respective partners with each other.

 

You obviously didn't learn from you mistakes as you are currently cheating on your current GF with you ex.

Oh course your ex doesn't trust you.. you haven't changed. You are still the same cheating guy she knows! That's why she is "confused" and frankly, rightly so, but she isn't really one to talk - doing the same thing herself.

 

This all sounds very immature and toxic and I feel for your respective current partners who are being treated with complete disrespect by both of you.

 

Maybe you should step back and reevaluate your moral compass before selfishly hurting more people for what you want.

 

I was expecting that to be pointed out when I posted this here and I agree. But that's also why I pointed out that she more or less forced her way into my life again. She's even been mad several times during these 11 months that I never contacted her again after we broke up. Why would I? She was in a new relationship and I messed up. So even though I understand your sentiment, I don't feel like that's her problem. If her problem with me is that she doesn't trust me because I cheat with her, why would she hold me back everytime I wanted out?

[preraph]

Who knows if she will or not. She may try to keep both of you. He probably doesn't deserve this treatment, so she hates to break off with him. It seems like she is emotional in general but doesn't really know what or who she wants. Is she still young? Maybe she just isn't old enough to want to settle down yet.

[CicoRico]

Who knows if she will or not. She may try to keep both of you. He probably doesn't deserve this treatment, so she hates to break off with him. It seems like she is emotional in general but doesn't really know what or who she wants. Is she still young? Maybe she just isn't old enough to want to settle down yet.

 

She's going to be 26 in february and has always been in a relationship since she was 14. I think she's more than ready to settle. She loves kids and always stressed how she wanted to have kids soon. I want kids too, so I wasn't holding her back in that regard. I know that her BF wanted kids too, but I think what really bothers her is that everything she imagined with him, didn't happen; kids, house marriage, because things kind of fell out with them. And now she's wondering if she's going to leave him and start over.. Or be alone, because she's never been alone and wants to experience that.. And then she has me.. So yeah, I think she has a lot on her mind witch sucks, because I know what I want.. But I love her so much that I genuinely want her to find out what she wants and be happy.

[CicoRico]

UPDATE: Well, I found out that she’s seeing this new guy and she has been doing this before she ended it with me and her boyfriend. I had a conversation with her ex-boyfriend and she has been telling both of us the same lie. So I guess that’s that.