Just a Guy Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 I guess some people just love to shop for pain. Juan, you have been given excellent advice by folks on here especially by Matt who has walked in your shoes and has been kind enough to share his painful experience with you. Yet you continue to do just that which will bring you more pain as if you really enjoy wallowing in that pain. When will find your manhood? When will you realize that you can live a wonderful life minus the stupid woman who enjoyed the title of your wife? Just drop her like a hot potato and move on with your life. You will find another woman who will be everything that you ever dreamed of and you will be truly happy. Just wake up to reality. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 8, 2019 Author Share Posted January 8, 2019 Thanks for all the advice I’m gonna restart NC because she made it clear she is done and I don’t wanna keep hurting myself I hate to picture her with someone else but I think it’s best if I stay in NC Link to post Share on other sites
traditional Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 It is easy to say things when you don't feel exactly as you do. The whole issue however is that you are still trapped in the position of being the victim, like you say the fact that she has cheated before etc. makes you feel emotionally in need of her perpetual approval like you are not enough and need to prove that you are. It is a blessing in disguise that she left, you are not the one who left so you do not owe anyone anything. Take your time to grieve, cry if you will. Ask her for a divorce, plan for the kids and get on with your life, join a band meet young women etc. It is extremely hard but what you must realize is as long as you want for her you cannot get over the situation. It is a rare opportunity that you have now to live your live, imagine she died and there is nothing you can do about that but live your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 14, 2019 Author Share Posted January 14, 2019 So I was in NC for awhile and she out the blue texted me and said you is a sorry ass Now I haven’t talked to her or did anything so why would she say that about me so I text and asked her why did she say that her reply was nothing Last week she came over for a hour and we made good love but things went back to how the was Link to post Share on other sites
El Duendecillo Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 Last week she came over for a hour and we made good love but things went back to how the was A glutton for punishment eh? She is sleeping with other guys, and you still "make good love" with her??? That is pathetic and risky. You are exhibiting ZERO self-respect with this woman. From not contacting your children on Christmas, to not ending unnecessary contact with her, you are acting weak. She obviously has no respect left for you, and your actions only reinforces this. You should read up on how NC works, and try to maintain it. If you must communicate with her, it should only pertain to the children or divorce matters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 14, 2019 Author Share Posted January 14, 2019 You are right I gotta try my best to maintain NC and not talk to her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 14, 2019 Author Share Posted January 14, 2019 Every time I’m in NC for about 3 or 4 days she reach out to me Link to post Share on other sites
El Duendecillo Posted January 14, 2019 Share Posted January 14, 2019 You are right I gotta try my best to maintain NC and not talk to her She thrives on drama, and knows how to push your buttons, and you are letting her. Do not respond to her. Just politely tell her to only contact you regarding the children. Do not engage when she starts the drama. Are your children old enough to contact you directly? You could always give them a phone to contact you when they want. I hope that you are getting visitation with the children through all of this. Do not let your split with the STBX prevent you from maintaining a healthy relationship with them. Don't sleep with her, and get yourself tested for STD's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 17, 2019 Author Share Posted January 17, 2019 I’m on my 3rd day of NC and she text me asking can I take the kids to school three times a week I didn’t reply because she been paying her cousin that she live with to take them to school plus I’m out looking for a job she then gets mad cause I didn’t respond and say she’s going to file for divorce next week smh this the third time she has said that when I’m not doing what she wants me to do I’m not bout to let this woman Manipulate me she gets mad every time she doesn’t get her way she made her bed now she can lay in it I’m not replying to her because every time we talk it leads to arguments I just wanna stay in NC for at least 30 days Link to post Share on other sites
portwine49 Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 I'm with others. Shut her off financially. Support the kids and get 50% time with them. You are not to be discarded and disposed of because of her selfish pursuits. It's not fair to you or the kids. Let her see the reality and that you are of worth and value. She thinks she has the power to call the shots. Stop that in it's tracks. You have to show her tough love. Allowing her do live as she pleases while you emotionally;;y and financially foot the burden is wrong, Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 I can’t lie I really miss her and the life we had together but she wants nothing to do with me she feel like it’s ok to contact me but if I contact her it’s a problem she gets mad and says she wants to get a divorce when I won’t do what she wants me to and change her mind She also told me that she is still seeing and sleeping with the guy she cheated on me with she told me she just wanna co parent So I sent her a goodbye letter saying that I just wanted her to be happy and I won’t bother her anymore she never replied back so I’m back in NC and plan on staying this time for a few months Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 The only one that can keep you bound up in this mess is you. Stay awake Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 I wake up to a missed call from her at 2 in the morning I wasn’t gone answer it anyway but what the hell she could have wanted I know her if it was important she would have left a voicemail or text I’m guessing she wanted a reaction outta me plus last time I talked to her she told me don’t call her phone Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted January 25, 2019 Share Posted January 25, 2019 She keeps playing you because she doesn’t respect you and thinks you’re stupid. Do realize that as long as you are married you are responsible for her debts? If she has a wreck the other people involved can sue you. If she runs up credit card debt you may have to pay it. Are you seeing your kids? Have you talked to a lawyer? There are jobs everywhere have you been working? You have done everything everyone told you not to do. That’s why she doesn’t respect or love you. That’s a good thing though since she is a serial cheater. They never change. You were right all along, she has always been cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 25, 2019 Author Share Posted January 25, 2019 I’m on day 4 of NC I’m hoping that the days get better I’m tired of having these dreams of her Link to post Share on other sites
traditional Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 I know about being a co-victim, the perpetual need for approval, acceptance, mine came from youth. Early in my life I always played the field and I had no woman problems. I got married and I am just starting to learn about women and why most of us men fail. Women are and want all the opposites of what you would logically think. The wedding, marriage and divorce are all meant to benefit women, they dream of the wedding day when they young, in marriage they must be beneficiaries of all the victimhood, protection money etc. When you divorce they get all or most of everything. By not wanting divorce she is holding you hostage in several ways, obviously we must assume she is seeing someone and wants to keep this door open incase other guy had fair share and wants out. Also its a way to ensure that you remain tormented-she rejects you but same time gives you hope by not divorcing. Join me, lets aspire to be Alpha men, you can manage your life by cutting her out-no contact, set a time period and write down a list of everything that may cause you to want to contact her, start with #1. I am not that weak. Tell yourself whatever I may feel that time or day and no matter how intense I will manage to limit contact to just kids issues. I realize ones you revert to yourself you will start to manage. Say she dies-what then. Its hell you go through but you must want to come out not go deeper. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 27, 2019 Author Share Posted January 27, 2019 Day 6 of No Contact She haven’t called and texted at all I haven’t reached out and don’t play on doing so I’m guessing she is busy with her new guy I’m having a rough day today but I gotta push through I know things will get easier but rite now I have to stay strong 1 Link to post Share on other sites
El Duendecillo Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Day 6 of No Contact Have you been speaking to, or seeing your children since she moved out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted January 27, 2019 Author Share Posted January 27, 2019 Yes I speak to the kids but not how I like to at the moment I know things will get better but my kids tell me that they don’t want to be over there where she at and they asked to live with me but it’s hard rite now because I’m a emotional mess 1 Link to post Share on other sites
El Duendecillo Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Yes I speak to the kids but not how I like to at the moment I know things will get better but my kids tell me that they don’t want to be over there where she at and they asked to live with me but it’s hard rite now because I’m a emotional mess It sounds like a mess, but try not to let what's happening between you and the stbx, keep you maintaining a healthy relationship with your children. Please remember that NC with her, does not mean not keeping in contact with your children, or with her about the children. Stay strong brother! Link to post Share on other sites
traditional Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 This situation is like opium to you it seems. I too struggled with this self destructive thing, well perhaps because as a child I had brutal step father issues (brutal being a grown man punching a boy of 11 etc.). For the longest, I was looking for approval, acceptance, love, protection, being special to someone. This I realized after listening to a lecture and seeing my relationships with women. It is bad-you would be willing to do anything just for her approval or acceptance, even sleeping with her whiles she still has remnants of other guy sperm inside. The woman plays mind games, she keeps contacting you because she needs that kick to feel the power over you, that you are still there to her will and available for her command. She knows this and that's why she contacts you when you go quite 3-4 days. She knows what it does to you and she enjoys it, the sad thing is the pain is like a drug to you. In this case you need to regain your dignity, your manhood and self worth, your pride, your will to be self contained and it will not come automatic it must and will only come with a degree of pain and self discipline. Man you can do better, you can live a man's life, there are women out there that will be willing to take you and help make you a man. A man is second to non, if chase after a woman that chases other men, then you are XXX the third, I tell you then you are a floor cloth. Stand up man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 I was lurking on my ex wife fb page and she pretty much put up there that she want something different I know I know I shouldn’t be looking on her page but I about to go ghost on her she will not her from me again for a very long time maybe it’s best if I get outta her life forever Link to post Share on other sites
mkhare Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 this sucks all the way around, i wont throw my wet blanket on your situation and compare my situation. I can tell you this, for certain, leave it alone. What does that mean? Step away from the situation, not out, but away. Give yourself some time. I know its painful, you have questions, you don't understand, but you absolutely must take care of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iamyoungjuan Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 Yeah I have no choice but to stay away she said she wants something different so I don’t wanna get in the way of that I know I have to worry about myself I’m gone take a couple months away from this whole thing I know it’s not gone be easy but she is already seeing and having sex with other guys so I know it’s over I asked her last time I talked did she wanna get the divorce and she said not really Link to post Share on other sites
Fugu Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 I was lurking on my ex wife fb page and she pretty much put up there that she want something different I know I know I shouldn’t be looking on her page but I about to go ghost on her she will not her from me again for a very long time maybe it’s best if I get outta her life forever Actually, it's probably good that you looked; you come closer to understanding her state of mind. Even though it must surely hurt, it's good to know the truth on where her head's at. When a relationship is finished, the hardest thing to accept is the finality of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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