Elouise58 Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 (edited) Hello all, So I've been with my OH for 13 years and we have two young children together, both in our thirties. We've had our fair share of ups and downs but seem to get through it. Lately though I don't feel happy and am thinking of leaving. He has proposed twice and both times got cold feet when I talk about the actual wedding, the second time though he let it get as far as saying a date we would marry, visiting a church which we was going to marry in etc, letting me decide my bridesmaids too and tell everyone before telling me he now has itchy feet months before we were going to book it. Generally he's a good man who works hard and I do love him, but there's also the issue of finances. He won't get a joint account and I have to ask for money for the children for trips/clothes etc. He complains about his spending all the time yet I only work part time as I have to work around the children, despite this I pay 50% of the bills and all of the childcare costs. This was fine before as we agreed he'd save his extra money for our wedding, but now there's no wedding it's all carrying on as normal and he's just spending the extra as he wishes and has done the past year. Can we really have a future if he refuses to talk about any of this and won't compromise? I don't want to marry him now after he's hurt me so much. Edited December 9, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and move to MLP Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 Welcome to LS. I'd opine focus on co-parenting and move on. After thirteen years and both of you being mature adults it's not going to happen, the you and me forever legal partnership. You could do a JP in a day and be married. That's what my parents did back in the early 50's. They were married for life. It's the mindset of the individuals which matters. After I came along my mom never worked for a wage a day again in her life, though she worked plenty before I did come along and slaved away with love and for free as a wife and mother and my dad gladly gave her his paycheck to guard. It's not the process, rather the people. Either it works or it doesn't. After 13 years you know what's what. Time to accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 He's very selfish, why isn't he paying for childcare? If I were you I would charge him for the time you spend looking after his children, seeing as how you have to pay someone else to look after them when you work. My eldest son's dad was like that, refused to marry and share his money.......he's a lonely dude in his 50's now, and I'm married to a generous man who is great with my kids. I think you can do way better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elouise58 Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 I'm just so scared of going it alone, after being with him for so long. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 I'm just so scared of going it alone, after being with him for so long. To a certain extent, aren't you already going it alone? You have both the financial and child-rearing pressure, both of which he doesn't seem to feel. Interesting he has no hesitation in getting you pregnant but won't marry you. I'd give him a deadline while getting legal advice on support, etc. With two young children, time to get real... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 I'm just so scared of going it alone, after being with him for so long. Yes, change brings a lot of uncertainty and success does not come instantly. Are you happy with the certainty you have now. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts