Upset over birthday

[JCrew101]

ok, i don't know if i should be angry or upset.

 

My gf and I have been dating since Feb. 7 this year. Her birthday was march and I spent around $100 for her birthday gift.

 

my birthday is tomorrow and she said she was making something but she didn't have time so she'll give it to me later. How much later? she doesn't know...

 

if she said she was sorry for not giving it on my birthday, i wouldn't complain but she didn't say she was sorry.

 

i feel so angry and upset at her right now.

 

if she did say sorry i wouldn't mind as much,

 

i keep thinking that i did so much for her birthday but she really doesn't care for mine.

 

tell me what to do...

[Maffy]

Well, they say its the thought that counts. Did she at least spend some time with you on your birthday? And wished you a good one? That's what is most important. And she did say something is coming your way, so just wait and see. If she actually makes it, it might be way more personnal and thoughfull than a purchased item.

 

Also, i think you were perhaps on the generous side with a 100$ gift after only 1 month of dating. It could be that she doesnt or cant spent that much, and a 40$ gift may look cheesy is comparison. Which may explain her choice of making you something, which may require a little more time to prepare, but is usually more appreciated.

 

I say be flexible on this one.

 

If she remains indifferent on other occasions than you can get angry.

 

PS. Happy Belated Birthday

 

Maffy

ok, i don't know if i should be angry or upset. My gf and I have been dating since Feb. 7 this year. Her birthday was march and I spent around $100 for her birthday gift. my birthday is tomorrow and she said she was making something but she didn't have time so she'll give it to me later. How much later? she doesn't know... if she said she was sorry for not giving it on my birthday, i wouldn't complain but she didn't say she was sorry. i feel so angry and upset at her right now.

 

if she did say sorry i wouldn't mind as much,

 

i keep thinking that i did so much for her birthday but she really doesn't care for mine.

 

tell me what to do...

[Tony T]

I think you're being pretty petty and childish to demand that your girlfriend go overboard about your birthday.

 

Just because you spent $100 or more on her birthday is NO reason whatsoever that she has to bend overboard to please you on your birthday. As a matter of fact, if she finds out just how childish you are thinking right now about this matter, she would probably do well to drop your butt for your birthday and cut her losses. Nobody needs somebody who keeps this kind of petty score in their lives. They're better off all alone.

 

Now, yes, it is nice to feel your girl cares enough about you to want to do something special for your birthday. But there are many reasons why she may not be able to at this time. She may even be playing with your mind to see what your reaction is...and actually has a very nice surprise planned for you. She could also be having money problems or she could have ordered something special and is not sure if it will be delivered in time for your birthday. She could have tickets to a special event she feels you will enjoy that is two or three weeks after your birthday.

 

I must also say that in the event she doesn't do much for your birthday, that's by no means an indication of her degree of caring for you. Some people are raised to express caring and affection differently. You may have been raised in a home where some emotions were expressed through giving of material stuff.

 

If, for some reason, you think you will change your position in matters like this...then if she doesn't start reacting to your birthday and other holidays exactly as you would like, go find a girlfriend who you feel may behave more consistently with the way you may demand that she behave.

 

Women want MATURE men who don't get bent out of shape about stuff like this...men who are rationally together and who can think straight and put life's trivialities into perspective. They don't like men whose thinking is like that of a young child.

 

Rational people do everything they possibly can to make their lives rich and happy and NOT to upset themselves. If you get bent out of shape about something like this, you will live one terrible life on this planet. You have to understand that until the day you die, people's behavior will not live up to your expectations in many cases and it is insane to expect that to happen. You better learn now not to upset yourself about what other people do or don't do. And if you want to really increase your potential for happiness, make no demands of others and keep your expectations in check.

 

I also think you should revisit your sense of giving and its meaning. If you give to others with the expectation that you should receive back in equal proportion, this is NOT giving but pure selfishness. Get a grip and work on this.

 

You say you are very angry right now at your girlfriend and your birthday isn't until tomorrow. You have got some problems that may require counselling. To get yourself worked up so badly ahead of time is borderline...well, get some help. If you get this worked up very often, she very well may be trying to break away from you. This kind of behavior is not pretty or rational.

 

Again, it's very nice when people return your kindnesses but as you get older you will find that often just the opposite is the result.

 

Give yourself the BEST birthday you can and be nice to yourself. If you can't count on yourself to make you feel good on this special day, how can you possibly count on others?

 

And best wishes for a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!