tallguy78 Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 Hi all. Just wondering how people have coped with a nagging partner. In my instance it is my girlfriend. We are in our late 30s and have been dating for over a year and we both talk about getting married. One thing is though, I constantly get nagged or pulled up on something. Just wanted to know how people cope or why someone does this, whether they are the nagged or the nagger Seemingly a lot of what I do gets pulled up. The way I dress, the jokes I tell how I clean, how I look, even the way I eat. There's always some negative little comment. In isolation they may not be too much, but several times each day kinda just wears you down. On occasions it is said half jokingly, the rest in all seriousness When I say it frustrates me I am then told I'm being 'a wetter' and she says I should tell her to just '**** off'. But it genuinely has knocked my confidence and even makes me unsure on little everyday things I do, incase I get it wrong. For example I'm about to do something as simple as clean or cook a meal I question myself and become unsure on the correct way to do things and it has genuinely made me anxious. A bigger thing are the comments on how I look. Have been directly compared to 'better' dressed men, laughed at once with what I'd chosen to wear (it was very modest), saying she would fancy me less if I lost my hair (I'm losing it). Again when I say it bothers me and makes me insecure I'm told to 'toughen up'. So how do or have people coped or/and am I actually being a 'wetter'? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 Just wanted to know how people cope or why someone does this, whether they are the nagged or the nagger Don't get married, because its not going to get better... When my girlfriend complains about/to me, I've told her to replace me. If I'm not good enough the way I am, go find someone better. Furthermore, I tell her I don't want to hear it. When she nags or complains, I just ignore it; like "white noise" in the background. The internal "mute" button in my brain works wonders!! If you want to continue to date her, ignore her... Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 Don't you dare marry her! It will only get worse after marriage. Please rethink this relationship. It does not sound all that great. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 Couples counseling or premarital counseling might make her realize what it's doing to you and make you realize there's some things you might need to change. But no, you shouldn't have to feel worried about cooking a meal that you're not doing it right. But of course, you should do your share of all chores. And I'm a woman, and I'm just telling you as far as clothes go, most men dress too far down for most women's tastes and you'd benefit by bringing it up a notch and what does it hurt? Most women want to pick out some clothes to improve their man's appearance. You're lucky she hasn't set Alexa on you. You know you can set Alexa to nag for you. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Coping isn't the answer. Walking away is the answer. Dating is about finding Mr/Ms Right. It's not about finding the wrong one and trying to make it work. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 go where you are appreciated, dump her, she deserves it Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 First what you describe is not nagging. Nagging is her constantly repeating the same thing to get you to do something you don't want to do. For example, if she asks you to take out the garbage 10x inside of an hour. What's she's doing is finding fault with every little thing. She's hyper critical & that is understandably eroding the foundations of your relationship. On one level she's right; you do need to stand up for yourself & tell her where to get off. But in this case you may be better off finding a supportive GF who is your biggest cheerleader. You shouldn't have to cope with her ragging on you all the time. You'd be better telling her to shut up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Have you told her you find it disturbing, and what does she think? Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 When I say it frustrates me I am then told I'm being 'a wetter' and she says I should tell her to just '**** off'. But it genuinely has knocked my confidence and even makes me unsure on little everyday things I do, incase I get it wrong. I usually tell people to work to fix things rather than end a relationship, but in your situation, knowing what I know now, I'd end it. Why? Because this isn't an isolated behavior or little habit that needs correcting, it's fundamental to her nature. She considers you an extension of herself and feels she has a right to berate and criticize. That's how she does relationships. Yea, you could go to counseling, yada, yada, but it isn't going to change who she is fundamentally even if she manages to tone it down temporarily. What you need is an affirming person... someone who thinks you're wonderful and tells you that as often as this gf criticizes. I've experienced both types and let me tell you, it's like night and day. Being with an overly critical partner is no way to live. I could give you dozens of examples similar to the things you mentioned. Ultimately I had to get out. And yes, it does get worse, much worse after you're married. This is an inherently dysfunctional relationship. If you can't bring yourself to just end it, then go to personal counseling work on the reason you can't. Basically, you have some underlying insecurities. Perhaps you had an overly critical parent too. She is exploiting this unfairly for control and to keep the upper hand in the relationship. What you need is a woman who knows how to make you feel completely worthy of being loved, just for who you are as a wonderful human being. Such a woman will also never loose the awareness that you are two separate people, autonomous and interdependent. Sorry, I know it's tough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 So how do or have people coped or/and am I actually being a 'wetter'? People like this are actually unhappy with themselves, you're just collateral damage. I can put up with a lot of things but constant negativity isn't one of them. What you describe would be a dealbreaker for me... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Yeah , agree with most l'm afraid. You either have to insist and teach her respect for you, and put some solid shyt in place about the way she treats you and that mouth of hers, or get out before your in any deeper. But it's usually near impossible to shut people like that up , they'll just invent other ways to give you shyt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 It doesn’t sound like she really loves you. You should question not only if you really want to marry her but if she really wants to marry you. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 After a year sounds like the rose coloured specs have come off. Little things about you are irritating her and she is voicing her irritation. Whether these irritations are justified or not, she is making you anxious, insecure and upset. That is not something you should tolerate. You need to tell her that this is tantamount to abuse and she needs to stop or you will walk. You cannot live happily like this, so tell her and if there is no let up, no reasonable discussion then you leave her to it... Pack up and go or tell her to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 This all sounds rather abusive to me. Comparing you to other men, telling you she'd fancy you less if you lost your hair? Gosh, that's in the same ballpark as you telling her she'd better not put on 10 lbs or comparing her to other women. She's really not a good partner. I think you may want to reconsider staying with her, rather than "coping". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 That's more in the vein of bullying rather than nagging, and stuff like that usually happens when others sense weakness and/or vulnerability in you. She probably needs someone who isn't going to care what her opinion is of how he dresses, or cooks, or the way he eats. Who's confident in himself. If you're letting her input get to you to the point you're starting to doubt yourself it's probably not a good match. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 I don't generally like women who just glow over their man, even if they clubbed a puppy over the skull on the side of the road, and think they cant do any wrong, and I don't mind a woman that can speak her mind and tell it like it is, but I would NEVER tolerate that type of crap... She'd get a harsh dose of reality that would either humble her or send her on her way... Don't let that happen to you. man...it will just get worse.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
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