livinglife2019 Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now. We became official after a chat a few weeks ago and I spent the weekend before last meeting his family. However we had an argument and split up or at least stopped talking to each other. I thought it was just a fight and that once cooled down we could have a chat. He went to shake my hand before he left and I wouldn’t, he then walked out. I should mention the fight was very petty and he turned it into a massive one. Anyway he went on holidays with his friends 2 days after the break up and I was informed by mutual friends that he was back on various dating and hook up sites, part of me thinks he caused the fight so he could do what he wanted when away. I’m beyond angry with him. Why bring me home to meet your family and then break up a few days later. I’m also really pissed at him for being on dating sites so soon after the break up. I know he’s single but I just find it disrespectful for the time we spent together. Any advice on what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Move on, don't look back. Better to find out sooner than later how he is. Link to post Share on other sites
GTR King Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Has he told you that you have broken up? Are 2 Girlfriend/Boyfriend yet?? Did he get along with your family? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author livinglife2019 Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 Has he told you that you have broken up? Are 2 Girlfriend/Boyfriend yet?? Did he get along with your family? No he never said we officially broke up. And yes we are officially girlfriend and boyfriend yeah he gets on great with my family and I really made a nice effort to get on with his. Link to post Share on other sites
GTR King Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 You need to talk to him in a calmly manner and get this sorted... If he loves you he should understand 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 You need to talk to him in a calmly manner and get this sorted... If he loves you he should understand Um, he doesn’t love her. He’s back on dating sites after a fight without having broken up with her yet. There is no coming back from that. OP, I would not contact him again. He clearly started the fight so he could have an excuse to be single again. Don’t waste your time or energy trying to figure out what happened. He’s not the one. Move on with dignity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author livinglife2019 Posted December 10, 2018 Author Share Posted December 10, 2018 You need to talk to him in a calmly manner and get this sorted... If he loves you he should understand Honestly at the moment if I saw him I’d wanna punch him in the face for hurting me. He made his bed by downloading and using the dating apps. What kills me is I was with him through a bad patch I stood by his side and kept encouraging him to go for the dream job. Which he got and since he got it his attitude changed. Part of me suspects he was just using me till he felt better. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this angry before, which is odd as I don’t ever really get angry. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 What was the fight about? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 Disrespectful? You broke up he can go see hookers if her wanted to, there is no after breakup rules of conduct. It's your friends that are disrespectful of your feelings. You are very hurt from the breakup. Telling you about him on dating apps just kicked you down even further. I can see it if he was doing it while you were together, but after...you didn't need to hear about it. Now you are left with worries you were being used, etc. That isn't fair at all. Just tell your friend/friends you don't need to hear anymore about the shlep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 OP, I’m confused. Did you actually break up? Or did you just have a bad fight? If you actually broke up with him, then what he did wasn’t so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
olivetree Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 I think it's good your friends told you they saw him on dating sites. I would want to know. Plus it makes it clear now this is a breakup and what his character is like. I'd move on. He doesn't handle conflict well. Breaking up after an argument at three months and getting back together will just lead to a roller coaster on/off relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 What was this fight about, OP? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 10, 2018 Share Posted December 10, 2018 I also wonder what the fight was about - it could give some good insight as to what was going on. Were any insults thrown during the fight? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Probably for the best things didn't work out now rather than later. Nothing like introducing someone to friends/family and then have that person hate them or them hate the new person. It's really humiliating. Just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Why bring me home to meet your family and then break up a few days later. These are two mutually exclusive things: don't conflate them. Meeting the family early in the process has nothing to do with how successful your relationship will be or that you were accepted into his family. Besides, how did he introduce you? As "this is LivingLife2019", "this is my friend LivingLIfe2019" or "this is my girlfriend, LivingLife2019"? Apparently, something was said--or it was the way it was said--in that argument that told him to stop going further with you. It sucks that he doesn't have the stones to say it to your face, but some people are like this. They won't be direct with you about the fact they want something different than what you offer, but at the same time, they may like you enough to not want to unduly hurt you and they think disappearing is easier. Give him the space his actions are telling you he wants. Decouple from him and find a man who wants what you want and doesn't play these games with you. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Disrespectful? You broke up he can go see hookers if he wanted to, there is no after breakup rules of conduct. It's your friends that are disrespectful of your feelings. You are very hurt from the breakup. Telling you about him on dating apps just kicked you down even further. I can see it if he was doing it while you were together, but after...you didn't need to hear about it. Now you are left with worries you were being used, etc. That isn't fair at all. Just tell your friend/friends you don't need to hear anymore about the shlep. OP--Smackie makes a very good point here. While you may think your friends are helping you, the reality is, they're not. Being broken up means everyone is a free agent and are free to move on and do them. And you did break up--if anyone whom you've kissed, had sex with or shared emotional intimacy with extends a hand to shake and not a hug is someone who is telling you that the candy store is closed and they're done. I wouldn't shake the hand of someone I wanted to be with and have sex with again in the future. I would with someone I had no intention on dealing with anymore. Make sure you understand exactly what being broken up means when you initiate it because once you two are broken up, they don't have to answer to you anymore for what they do. Your friends have set you back in your recovery from about 4 -10 days while you mash this about in your imagination, calculating everything to make it fit and make sense--so now you've lost days of recovery because they're amused by stalking him and reporting back to you, under the guise of friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
DrNo1962 Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Sounds like this bf of yours is very insecure and displays passive-aggressive behavior during arguments. That should be a massive red-flag. He has one petty fight with you and then BOOM back on to the dating apps. Really? Is this the guy you want to be in an LTR with? They say it takes upwards of 90 days for a person to truly reveal their behavior / character traits in the dating phase. I think this is a massive one that personally would be a dealbreaker. I'd next him. Link to post Share on other sites
DrNo1962 Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 Disrespectful? You broke up he can go see hookers if her wanted to, there is no after breakup rules of conduct. It's your friends that are disrespectful of your feelings. You are very hurt from the breakup. Telling you about him on dating apps just kicked you down even further. I can see it if he was doing it while you were together, but after...you didn't need to hear about it. Now you are left with worries you were being used, etc. That isn't fair at all. Just tell your friend/friends you don't need to hear anymore about the shlep. From my understanding there has been no mutual agreement that its over. Or he hasn't expressed it that way. He's giving her the silent treatment and has gone on to dating apps before resolving the fight they had. Even if the discussion leads to "its over" the fact that he hasn't confronted OP and told her as much just shows how much of an insecure man-child he is. This guy needs to grow a set of balls. Link to post Share on other sites
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