The aftermath

[Firstlady07]

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/645644-story-time-i-think-i-lost-him-playing-games-being-scared#post7483773

 

So over I year ago I posted this thread. Here's a follow up

 

After he got a new girlfriend of course we stopped talking but would still speak and everything was good. Because we are in this group and orginazation together we see each other at least once sometimes twice a week. During this time we had an event and my mom was there. Turns out small world my mom knows his new girlfriend so at the event she speaks to both of them. Now he had a really good relationship with my mom and even called her mom he actually told his girlfriend that she was "his mom"... the three of them had are very short casual conversation and that was it and after this everything changed.

 

A few days later my mom and I see him without his girlfriend and he doesn't speak it actually seems like he's avoiding both of us. I found it odd because he would always speak to my mom and go out of his way to do so even after we stopped talinking the first time. I'm not sure what changed within a few days but there was clearly a big difference. At first he was speaking even with his girlfriend around and he would speak first. He never spoke to my mom and really didn't speak to me that day but was around when I was talking to a few people and made a comment in the conversation but that was it. His girlfriend also started acting differently towards my mom all of a sudden. I didn't know her but she started to look me up and down in a rude way. I never said anything to her or did anything. But now they both were acting weird.

 

After that he sort of stop speaking we would occasionally say hi but I would have to speak first. I'm still not sure what happened for him to do a complete 180 and stop speaking and acting so differently but this went on for a few months. I never said or did anything and I wasn't really around much because I was traveling.

 

Months later one day in June at a meeting he suddenly sneaks up beside me and doesn't say anything so I say hey and keep walking . The next meeting he suddenly speaks first and of course I speak back. I happen to realize I hadn't seen his girlfriend around in a little while Turns out they had broken up, didn't matter I was still minding my business. I think we spoke once or twice after that.

 

I was out til mid september but when I came back I noticed he was back to not speaking and him and his girlfriend were still broken up. Once he walked by me and didn't say a word. At that point I finally realized I was over it. It was getting very old so maybe not speaking at all was the best thing. I was perfectly ok with that

 

A few werks later as I was leaving our meeting he decides say bye. He actually yells it across the room in front of people and calls me by his nickname for me. I ignored him, i kept walking and acted like I never heard him. I could not believe him after all this time now he suddenly wants to speak and be funny.. I was irritated. I didn't do anything to him after he got a girlfriend. I still spoke to him I didn't go out my way to speak but when he was near I would speak I wasnt in his face or strutting around hell i was barely there and I left him alone and went on with my life even though I was still hurt st first. he is the one that did the complete 180 all of a sudden and acted like he didn't want to speak or be bothered. I wasn't trying to play games I was just done with it all. Was I wrong yeah, was it mean probably but a part of me felt like he deserved it

 

The thing is now I feel bad because I know I was wrong. Plus now he's avoiding me and he's making it very obvious to the point that sometimes it's actually funny. Literally one day me and my friend were walking out and he saw me he rushed by to keep from running into me. It was hilarious but I honestly can't believe we've gotten to this point when we used to be friends and liked each other for years and we really cared about each other at one point.Yes I know I've made a lot of mistakes but he made a few too. Maybe he was trying to do the right thing or extend an olive branch by speaking and being silly and I blew it. But could you blame Me? now I'm just trying to figure out if I should right a wrong and speak or leave it alone. I have moved on and I'm currently dating someone I'm not trying to talk to him or get with him. I'm just wondering if I should at least speak to him and say hi and ask how he's doing and that's it. Any thoughts??

[lurker74]

Well, that was something. You diagnosed things early on (in your previous thread) as someone who plays games. You even said you do it when you're scared. Well, looks like you found another game player.

 

News flash - we're all scared. That's what love is...the wonderful terror that at any point, you could be utterly crushed, but that's OK because you hold that power over someone else too. Mutually assured destruction but with absolute bliss in the meantime.

 

So yeah, move on from the guy. Maybe even tell him, listen, maybe we could've been something but there's too much water under the bridge so let's just stop. But then move on. Don't go out of your way to ignore him but don't go out of your way to talk. Find someone to fall in love with and for the love of God, just tell that person how you feel and what you want rather than try to use silence and non-silence as a punish/reward system.

 

Good luck!

[salparadise]

Why not just acknowledge him politely while showing no interest in add'l communication? Is there actually more to it than whether or not to speak? Why are you giving this so much prime real estate in your head?

[kendahke]

He's your ex, so why are you this exercised about it, unless you want him back?

[Firstlady07]

I don't want him back. But I still have to be around him and his family at least once or twice a week. But it has become awkward and people are noticing and saying things because you can tell he's intentionally avoiding me. Plus these are the same people who heard him yell goodbye to me when I ignored him. So I kinda feel bad.

[smackie9]

You want this fixed? Have a conversation with him say like "I know we are not seeing each other anymore, and it's been awkward because we have history, BUT can we please be cordial with each other? I have no bad feelings towards you, so lets start over with this".

[Firstlady07]

Well, that was something. You diagnosed things early on (in your previous thread) as someone who plays games. You even said you do it when you're scared. Well, looks like you found another game player.

 

News flash - we're all scared. That's what love is...the wonderful terror that at any point, you could be utterly crushed, but that's OK because you hold that power over someone else too. Mutually assured destruction but with absolute bliss in the meantime.

 

So yeah, move on from the guy. Maybe even tell him, listen, maybe we could've been something but there's too much water under the bridge so let's just stop. But then move on. Don't go out of your way to ignore him but don't go out of your way to talk. Find someone to fall in love with and for the love of God, just tell that person how you feel and what you want rather than try to use silence and non-silence as a punish/reward system.

 

Good luck!

You are right I thought about that. You reap what you sow. But I'm not trying to play games. I was hurt at first then I let it go and moved on. I still tried to be cordial and speak. Its just now it's kinda awkward he will see me and go the other way etc. Its very obvious though.

Edited December 10, 2018 by Firstlady07

[Firstlady07]

Update

 

Suprisingly yesterday at our Christmas outing he decided to joke with me about something that happened while we were there. I was shocked considering that I did clearly ignore him the last time he said something to me. I just thought it would be up to me to say something to him because of that. But I guess the fact that he did means he wants to be cordial. Anyways it's a start hopefully going forward we will speak and be ok.