Why do women test men?

[dateme]

There's always a point when a woman will test a guy. Is this to push him away? Are they wanting to draw him in? Why start drama ladies? You guys know what I mean.

[Happy Lemming]

I've had one woman (that I was living with) test me and I sent her packing (literally).

 

Its an immediate deal breaker for me.

 

I don't know why she did it. If she had some history or experience weeding out undesirable men (with this testing process), she had never mentioned it.

 

No matter, she earned herself an immediate breakup and move out from me.

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to be more specific. Define "test."

 

It's not gender-specific, either. An ex-boyfriend of mine admittedly "tested" me on more than occasion. When I realized what was happening, I walked.

[PRW]

[]

 

Well considering there are a billion videos on YouTube and nearly as meany books written on the subject,...the truth is at anyone's fingertips,..[]

 

It isn't to push, draw in, or start drama.

 

It is to reveal flaws. To see if he has the same flaws that the woman learned about from bad experiences with previous guys. Is he going to do the same stupid stuff that all the other guys before him did, or is he going to be different and stand out in the crowd. Is he going to be a real man, or a whiny little butt-hurt beta?

Edited December 11, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited title, moved to GRD and topical content

[basil67]

PRW is spot on.

 

I did a heap of tests at the start of the relationship with my husband. And as it turns out, so did he towards me. And we both passed with flying colours and had a wonderful time.

 

The tests included:

 

Suggesting restaurants with exotic food (I don't want a boring eater)

Saying that I wanted him to come body surfing with me (I love the beach)

Pushing the boundaries with sex and finding compatibility (no explanation needed)

Being open about our pasts (if you want someone who's never made mistakes, I'm not your girl)

First meet sex (don't want a hypocrite as a partner)

Meeting friends and family (can we fit in with each other's people?)

He said out early on that he wanted a family in the not too distant future. (It didn't send me running)

He said that he loves to ski and that if I wasn't into it, he'd still go. (I learned to ski and loved it. He also went with his mates at other times)

 

I think it's quite logical. And the only reason any of these would create drama would be if we weren't compatible.

[thefooloftheyear]

I can't recall ever being "tested",,,,Then again, I wouldn't need to roadtest a Ferrari to know that it will be good/fast/hot...

 

TFY

[Woggle]

Any time I noticed I was being tested I ended it right there. I don't play games and I won't tolerate games being played with me.

[PRW]

I can't recall ever being "tested",,,,Then again, I wouldn't need to roadtest a Ferrari to know that it will be good/fast/hot...

 

 

You were tested.

[thefooloftheyear]

You were tested.

 

You don't know me..let's just leave it that...

 

TFY

[Ronni_W]

,,,,Then again, I wouldn't need to roadtest a Ferrari to know that it will be good/fast/hot...

Nah...the reason to test-drive a Ferrari is to find out if I am strong, brave and skilled enough to handle it. .

 

There's always a point when a woman will test a guy.

If you mean that she is setting up false or unrealistic situations just to trigger you or see how you'll respond/react, then that's actually passive-aggressive behaviour,

and you'll want to run, run, run away as fast as you can.

[RecentChange]

Okay - I am a female and I can't think of any ways I have ever "tested" a guy I was dating or my husband.

 

Probably shouldn't even ask.... But care to give some examples PERSONALLY experienced that were "tests"?

[Woggle]

Okay - I am a female and I can't think of any ways I have ever "tested" a guy I was dating or my husband.

 

Probably shouldn't even ask.... But care to give some examples PERSONALLY experienced that were "tests"?

 

I don't know about tests but I have had some just act unreasonable and seem to cause drama for nothing then when I called them out on it and cut it off they seemed to want me more. It was like standing up her tests proved my worthiness as a man or something.

[PRW]

For those of you that dumped the person testing you,...you failed the test miserably. That kind of reaction is a quintessential characteristic that someone would want to reveal of you,...and get away from you (or just cause you to get away from them). Sorry, but it is true. Women in particular do this without even consciously thinking about it in detail,...it is just instinctual. The fact that they allowed you to know or find out you were being tested says a lot (they could have just left you in the dark),...they wanted to know how you would respond.

 

[]

Edited December 11, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content and member moderated

[PRW]

Okay - I am a female and I can't think of any ways I have ever "tested" a guy I was dating or my husband.

 

Probably shouldn't even ask.... But care to give some examples PERSONALLY experienced that were "tests"?

 

It isn't usually a consciously planned out out thing. If you approach a swimming pool without even thinking about it you walk up to it and dip a toe in the water. You've tested your husband,...or he would never have made it to being your husband.

[Ronni_W]

I don't know about tests but I have had some just act unreasonable

I've experienced people acting in ways that I consider 'unreasonable' in my relationships with both genders. It hasn't appeared that they were looking 'to cause drama' or to 'test' our relationship,

as much as they just didn't have very many constructive relationship and communications skills.

[Ronni_W]

You've tested your husband,...or he would never have made it to being your husband.

For me, there is a difference between, in conjunction with your own values and life goals, using proper discernment and considering all available facts and evidence to choose a life-long partner,

versus setting up 'traps' and triggers into which you're hoping or expecting people to fall.

[PRW]

For me, there is a difference between, in conjunction with your own values and life goals, using proper discernment and considering all available facts and evidence to choose a life-long partner,

versus setting up 'traps' and triggers into which you're hoping or expecting people to fall.

 

There is a difference between testing in a dating context with someone you recently met and someone who is just a drama king/queen that is "testing your patients".

 

We all test each other, dating friendships, business. Just a simple handshake in a business meeting it a test. How they gripped, was their palm sweaty, was their grip firm, too firm, floppy? how was their facial expression, the look in their eye. Were they too agreeable, or willing to stand their ground?

 

In a date I might choose to use a particular word in a sentence that may loosely tie to a current event, political event, or have a religious flavor to it to see if they pick up on it or respond to it in some way, or if it goes unnoticed. Even joking or teasing is a test,...a test to see what you think is funny, or if you are easily offended.

 

We are immersed in this stuff daily.

[RecentChange]

Okay..

 

So "tests" are subconscious things that us women do not even realize we are doing it - yet men can't stand these tests and will "send a woman packing" for testing them.

 

Color me confused.

 

OP - please give an example of a test you want us women to explain why we do them.

[alphamale]

There's always a point when a woman will test a guy. Is this to push him away? Are they wanting to draw him in? Why start drama ladies? You guys know what I mean.

 

women's entire existence depends upon drama...

[snowboy91]

I did a heap of tests at the start of the relationship with my husband. And as it turns out, so did he towards me. And we both passed with flying colours and had a wonderful time.

 

The tests included:

 

Suggesting restaurants with exotic food (I don't want a boring eater)

Saying that I wanted him to come body surfing with me (I love the beach)

Pushing the boundaries with sex and finding compatibility (no explanation needed)

Being open about our pasts (if you want someone who's never made mistakes, I'm not your girl)

First meet sex (don't want a hypocrite as a partner)

Meeting friends and family (can we fit in with each other's people?)

He said out early on that he wanted a family in the not too distant future. (It didn't send me running)

He said that he loves to ski and that if I wasn't into it, he'd still go. (I learned to ski and loved it. He also went with his mates at other times)

 

I think it's quite logical. And the only reason any of these would create drama would be if we weren't compatible.

 

You raise a really good point - I thought this thread was going to be about deliberate tests that women often set up to trap their new partner into doing something wrong. But these are definitely tests - but they're straightforward and are testing for compatibility rather than flaws.

 

If someone is setting traps for me - I'm out. I can't be bothered playing those games. If the tests are more like those above (and I think both men and women have these 'tests' for each other), then my decision is based on the outcome. And is probably going to be mutual anyway.

[Gretchen12]

It isn't usually a consciously planned out out thing. If you approach a swimming pool without even thinking about it you walk up to it and dip a toe in the water. You've tested your husband,...or he would never have made it to being your husband.

 

Then testing him is no different from getting to know him?

 

Men call it testing when they don't like the question or they don't like the woman's reaction to his answer.

 

I suppose for every guy I have dated, I can find an incident and label it as him testing me. But we women don't think that way! We choose.

[basil67]

You raise a really good point - I thought this thread was going to be about deliberate tests that women often set up to trap their new partner into doing something wrong. But these are definitely tests - but they're straightforward and are testing for compatibility rather than flaws.

 

If someone is setting traps for me - I'm out. I can't be bothered playing those games. If the tests are more like those above (and I think both men and women have these 'tests' for each other), then my decision is based on the outcome. And is probably going to be mutual anyway.

 

And this is the problem with the thread. Are we talking about reasonable tests for compatibility or setting a partner up to fail? None of the posters who are speaking about tests in a negative sense have given any examples.

[basil67]

I don't know about tests but I have had some just act unreasonable and seem to cause drama for nothing then when I called them out on it and cut it off they seemed to want me more. It was like standing up her tests proved my worthiness as a man or something.

 

As a partner, I can be demanding. I therefore need a partner who can stand up to me. While I certainly wouldn't test them by choice, finding someone who's strong in his own boundaries does make them more attractive.

[Happy Lemming]

Okay..

 

So "tests" are subconscious things that us women do not even realize we are doing it - yet men can't stand these tests and will "send a woman packing" for testing them.

 

Color me confused.

 

OP - please give an example of a test you want us women to explain why we do them.

 

Maybe I didn't understand the question, as the "test" performed on me was deliberate.

 

This woman (I was living with - invited her to live with me in my home) picked an argument about nothing and escalated the situation... to the point she got physical with me. I got in my truck and left, to allow both of us to cool down. When I came back she told me I had passed her little "test" to see if I would get physical back or if I would do something else, like leave the house and allow the situation to cool down. When I found out it was a "test", I went to the local hardware store purchased some moving boxes and tape, and told her to pack her crap and get out.

 

I don't play games or allow myself to be subjected to tests or put up with anything of that nature.

 

Feel free to disagree with my actions, if you like. For the record, I gave no reason for this person to "test" me in the first place.

 

To the OP, if this example of a "test" is not what you were speaking of, then please clarify and I'll attempt to respond.

[RecentChange]

Maybe I didn't understand the question, as the "test" performed on me was deliberate.

 

This woman (I was living with - invited her to live with me in my home) picked an argument about nothing and escalated the situation... to the point she got physical with me. I got in my truck and left, to allow both of us to cool down. When I came back she told me I had passed her little "test" to see if I would get physical back or if I would do something else, like leave the house and allow the situation to cool down. When I found out it was a "test", I went to the local hardware store purchased some moving boxes and tape, and told her to pack her crap and get out.

....

 

To the OP, if this example of a "test" is not what you were speaking of, then please clarify and I'll attempt to respond.

 

 

Got it - I have never done such a thing, nor have any of my female friends ever discussed doing such a thing.

 

The men here seem to think us women plan these "tests" yet as a woman, I never have, nor have I ever been witness to one, nor has a female friend ever talked about one.

 

It must happen - as you have experienced one, but I question if it really a wide spread problem.

 

Besides this one incident - have you ever experienced these deliberate tests before?

 

Do any of the men here have any other concrete examples of this?

 

Seems really strange and manipulative to me, but what do I know.