I'm jealous and I know I shouldn't be

[LittleMiss]

Well, last night my bf told me that he was going to have to go take care of his kids for a while. He is going over today and won't come back home till Sunday. He said that his wife is going to have surgery out of town so he needs to look after his boys while she's gone. Well, I was disapointed because this past weekend was his weekend with the boys and this coming weekend was supposed to be our weekend together.

 

Later, I asked what kind of surgery she was having and he told me she was getting a tummy tuck. I don't know why, but after he told me that I felt upset and jealous. I'm not skinny and I keep thinking that she is having this surgery to look slimmer and that he's going to want her back. I know that it's ridiculous to think he would go back to her just because of this, but I can't help it. Now, I want to lose weight to slim down a bit.

 

I have never been skinny, but I look good. I know I have gained a few pounds in the last six months. So, now I feel like I have to lose weight to keep my man. He has told me nothing to make me feel this way. It's just my own insecurities that are driving me crazy. Can someone help and tell me that I'm not crazy and that it might be normal to feel this way?

[littlekitty]

It's always difficult when dealing with the MOB (mother of baby). I know I felt many insecurities with regards to my bf mob.

 

They will always be in your mans life, and there will always be a link between them. One thing I found useful to remember is that most 'good' men who continue a loving relationship with their children wouldn't have walked away if there wasn't something deeply wrong with the relationship they were in that they knew couldn't be fixed.

 

Try to keep that in mind. He's with you because he wants to be, he walked away from the other relationship because of his own reasons, and it's highly unlikely a tummy tuck will have him running back.

 

My bf mob recently dressed herself up and threw herself at his feet when he returned their child. I was of course worried, but just as I expected he would have, he of course told her that it was over, that he was in love with me now. (Obviously as nicely as he could!)

 

It's a hard place to be sometimes, sharing precious time, and you often have to stop and think about the children and put them before yourself, which considering they aren't yours, can be hard to do. But it's all about being grown up, responsible, and a good person.

 

Your bf is doing what he needs to, to look after his children. I'm pretty sure doesn't care about his ex's tummy tuck. Try to be positive and put these insecurities to bed.

 

But you aren't the only person who sometimes struggles in this type of relationship!

[Cecelius]

I'm a man with a MOB and a g/f, and my g/f has had some issues with the amount of exposure I have to her, and time away from my g/f. What I want to get across constantly is (1) if I was into her AT ALL anymore, I doubt I would have divorced her and (2) all that I do is for the kids -- I'd be a cr@ppy dad if I didn't.

[LittleMiss]

I want to thank both of you for the reassurance. My bf has told me time and time again that he loves me and that they are not in love anymore. It's hard sometimes when he spends time over there, but I trust him completely. I know he would never do anything to hurt me.

 

I guess I need to work on some self-esteem issues and body image issues I have. My bf is constantly telling me I'm beautiful and tries to get me to see it. He gone as far as making me stand in front of a mirror and telling myself that I'm beautiful.

 

I'm just going to have to look a little harder to see it myself so I won't have theses insecurities.

[RainyDayWoman]

I want to thank both of you for the reassurance. My bf has told me time and time again that he loves me and that they are not in love anymore. It's hard sometimes when he spends time over there, but I trust him completely. I know he would never do anything to hurt me.

 

I guess I need to work on some self-esteem issues and body image issues I have. My bf is constantly telling me I'm beautiful and tries to get me to see it. He gone as far as making me stand in front of a mirror and telling myself that I'm beautiful.

 

I'm just going to have to look a little harder to see it myself so I won't have theses insecurities.

 

why don't you try working out or improving yourself in some way? (somehow that doesn't involve your boyfriend putting you in front of a mirror.) that would certainly help with the "not so skinny" and lack of self-esteem thing.

 

you always feel better about relationships when you feel good about yourself.

[LittleMiss]

yeah, I need to do something. I'm just so tired after work to go out and exercise. I think I'll cut back on junk foods and sodas and watch what I eat a little better.

[littlekitty]

Although you are tired after work... aren't we all.... I would certainly also recommend trying some light exercise, even just light walking.

 

Not only will it help you workout with weight loss if you feel you need to do that. But exercise is great not only for giving you MORE energy, but it also helps the mind and helps with stress.

 

It releases endorphins which promote a mellow sense of well-being in addition to acting as a mild analgesic.

[LittleMiss]

Yeah I know excercise is good and all. I used to feel great after working out back when I actually had time. I think I might dig through my stuff and look for the old Taebo videos I used to work out to. I always felt pumped up after I finished one of those.

[littlekitty]

Excellent! Great idea! Good luck with everything... and if you need to talk again... you know where we are!