I cheated on my gf thoughtout our 5 year relationship, I recently caught her cheating

[Money_33]

So I cheated on my girlfriend for 5 years throughout our relationship and she continuously caught me and kept forgiving me. She would find text messages, ft calls, phone calls, pictures, I would go out without her which kept her worried if I was cheating. The last 3 years I stopped really showing her attention like a boyfriend should. She would try to talk to me and have conversation with me and talk to me about her problems and sometimes I would give one word answers or barely try to find the solution to her problems. She said that I would barely show her any attention.

 

When she began to see text messages of me talking to girls sexually and saw that I was hooking up with them she got fed up. She gave me plenty of chances to come clean but I wouldn’t. She would cry to me and to her fiends and family and even to my family telling them what I was doing but I still wouldn't come clean I continued to lie and cheat. I caught her cheating a month ago on by looking at messages on her laptop. That same day confessed to her everything that I did with other girls throughout our relationship. A couple months ago in May her ex, well its not really her ex it’s a guy she lost her virginity to and used to like a lot back in 9th grade.

 

This guy hit her up randomly at a time when our relationship was going real bad which was 7 months ago back in May and I find this really weird that he would hit her up at that time after 6-7 years of not talking to him. She began talking to him as friends she told me because I was still talking to other girls so she felt like she should do it too. She would FaceTime, text and call him and he would do the same but she said she was scared to FaceTime him because it was another guy she just wanted to text as friends., but he wanted to FaceTime. Then she told me that between the whole month of June- mid July they would barely talk.

 

But he began hitting her up constantly starting in mid July. They talked constantly about 2 weeks until she went and saw him at his house at the end of a July. She told me they went to a park by his house and all they would do is talk about things each time she went and saw him. She told me the the guy is very religious he doesn’t have sex, he’s vegan, he isn’t materialistic, he wants to be a born again virgin, he’s a very spiritual person. She says the only reason why she went to go see him is because he is very religious he doesn’t like talking on the phone or texting because he feels like people are listening or watching. So he insisted that they see each other in person so she just gave in.

 

The first time she went in saw him at the end of July she told me she gave him $100. The second time she went and saw him at the end of August she gave him another $100. The third time she saw him she gave him $200 which was the last time she saw him in the beginning of September. She told me the the last time she saw him she gave him that much money because she knew that she didn’t want to see him again in person even if he insisted, but she hoped to keep him around as someone to talk to. She gave him money because the times they would talk on the phone and ft he would tell her his job cut his hours and he barely eats to save money, so she “felt bad”.

 

She said each time she gave him money he would tell her na it’s fine I don’t want it but she still gave it to him. I can kind of believe that she felt bad for him because she has a huge heart and she would give anymore money to help them out but this bothers me because she gave a guy that she was cheating on me with money. We would always says my money was her money and her money was my money we didn’t separate money. So I felt that she used my money to give to another guy. But now she’s saying that was money from her work check which is like a slap in the face. She also said she gave him money because he was showing her the attention she wanted and would talk to her about her problems and find solutions for them.

 

So she gave him money to keep him around as well whenever she needed someone to talk to because I wasn’t there for her a lot of times she wanted me to be there for her. She said she also gave him money because she wanted to get blessed with more money. They talked text and FaceTime constantly from the end of July until the ending of September. The calls and FaceTiming stopped at the end of September because he didn’t have money to turn his phone on supposedly so they could only text and ft when he had WiFi.

 

Throughout those months I noticed a change in her she would hide her phone and laptop, she didn’t really care if I went out anymore she would just let me and not argue, sometimes at night when I texted her she would say can I call you later or I’m busy doing something and I noticed the change but I didn’t want to believe that she was cheating on me because in a million years I never thought she would. She was the sweetest girl and told me she would always tell me never cheat on me.

 

In July around the time she was cheating on me I randomly saw the guy in publix and I told her I saw your ex and she was like wow really what does he look like, but the whole time she had already been talking to him since may. God was sending me a sign. Earlier this month I had suspicions of what she was doing so one day she let me get her laptop and I looked at her message. The text messages were with this guy in early October when his phone was off. She was being very sexually in the text messages saying love you, I miss you, I want to have sex with you, called him babe and baby but she said she didn’t mean anything sexually that she was saying she said she was just saying that stuff to please him and keep his attention.

 

She would mention things in her life that she was stressed about, he knew her work schedule everything and a lot about her life. In the text messages I saw she should would get mad about if he ignored her or didn’t respond to something the way she wanted him to. Also in the messages he would talk to her in a sexual way which I think is weird because she told me he is spiritual and doesn’t want to have sex until he is married again so that was his way of being sexual talking about it but not actually doing it. From mid October until the time I caught her she said that there conversations began to get dry he would beg her to come see him but she didn’t want to and she began to lean off of him because he wasn’t giving her the attention she wanted because he wanted her to see him so he got dry too.

 

They literally live 5 minutes away from each other. Even though I cheated throughout the years those months she cheated I changed I stopped going out I stopped texting girls I was faithful but little did I know that she was doing this behind my back. She says it was too little to late after all I had put her through throughout the years. Now I feel betrayed and I feel like I can’t trust her again because she lied to me for 8 7 months and I never thought she would cheat on me she was the only person in the would I trusted with everything. She is willing to move and try to make the relationship work but idk if I cant.

 

She told me they didn’t have any sexual contact and she wasn’t emotionally connected to him throughout those months but I find that hard to be believe. She said she did everything out of revenge and for attention. But do you guys think that she did it as well because of who the guy was? Because she caught me throughout those years and never cheated when guys tried to talk to her but as soon as he hit her up she was all for it. Do you think that she was never completely over him which is part of the reason she cheated?

 

Do you guys think she had sex with him? Do you guys think she’s using the attention and revenge thing as an excuse to why she talked to him and not make herself feel guilty about what she did? Do you guys think she gave him money for those reasons I mentioned? Should I forgive her and take her back? What should we do about our relationship ?

Edited December 12, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs, please use them in the future

[BaileyB]

So I cheated on my girlfriend for 5 years throughout our relationship and she continuously caught me and kept forgiving me. She would find text messages, ft calls, phone calls, pictures, I would go out without her which kept her worried if I was cheating. The last 3 years I stopped really showing her attention like a boyfriend should. She would try to talk to me and have conversation with me and talk to me about her problems and sometimes I would give one word answers as cheating on me because in a million years I never thought she would.

 

Now I feel betrayed and I feel like I can’t trust her again because she lied to me for 8 7 months and I never thought she would cheat on me she was the only person in the would I trusted with everything.

 

Now, I will admit that I have not read your wall of text... In truth, I stopped reading when you admitted that you cheated on your girlfriend through your entire five year relationship and you were inattentive and dismissive...

 

But then, I read that you think she cheated on you and you have the audacity to say that you feel betrayed because you never expected SHE would cheat on YOU.

 

Dude. You both need help. She needs help to understand why she has stayed so long in a relationship with a man who has treated her like crap. And you need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around you. You need to learn how to treat the woman you are dating with kindness, love, and respect.

 

This relationship should be over.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think the likelihood of you two ever really having a healthy relationship after all of this is almost zero.

 

I would part ways, for good.

[smackie9]

wow talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Now you know what it's like...so how does it feel?

 

 

 

It's time for you two to quit it and get out of each others lives.

[d0nnivain]

Should I forgive her and take her back? What should we do about our relationship ?

 

Decide you are officially going to have an "open relationship" where you are both free to be with other people or break up. You have cheated multiple times. She may be cheating now. Obviously you are both looking for something you are not finding from each other.

[stillafool]

You better believe they had sex and lot's of it. She didn't do it for revenge she did it for pleasure and that is why she gave him the money. No I don't think your relationship will last. I think it has run it's course. Too much water over the bridge to go on.

[Simple Logic]

So let me edit your post for easy reading. I **** on my GF many time over several years and now she has **** on me. Why did she treat me so badly.?

[snowcones]

The thing I hate most about seeing stories like this is that you just ruined a good girl/guy. Now she's going to be jaded/bitter/cynical and apprehensive with the next person. This is the worst part about people getting hurt by dumbasses. They are victims who turn into someone not so good for the next person. Someone great is ruined. Thanks a lot!

 

 

Peanut Gallery

[stillafool]

The thing I hate most about seeing stories like this is that you just ruined a good girl/guy. Now she's going to be jaded/bitter/cynical and apprehensive with the next person. This is the worst part about people getting hurt by dumbasses. They are victims who turn into someone not so good for the next person. Someone great is ruined. Thanks a lot!

 

 

Peanut Gallery

 

I think that goes both ways.

[lexina]

This is karma in action - you got served what you deserve, suck it up!

[Purepony]

So let me edit your post for easy reading. I **** on my GF many time over several years and now she has **** on me. Why did she treat me so badly.?

 

 

 

No no more like

 

“I ****** on my gf many times over several years and now she has ****** on me but I don’t deserve this ?! Why’s life unfair “

[Kelliousme]

[]

 

You cheated on your GF during your entire 5 year relationship and now you're complaining that your GF is cheating on you and you don't know if you can forgive her? Oh my..

 

First of all, she should've left [] since the beginning. You don't deserve a woman like her. Honestly I find your GF stupid for sticking with you but HA! She became smarter! Now she's cheating on you! You just got a taste of your own medicine? Not liking it? Well too [] bad.

Edited December 15, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content and language

[smackie9]

OK so you felt by being a good BF that would some way guarantee you her always being faithful? No it never does, Hey people cheat for different reasons right? It isn't always about the sex, but the thrill, the emotional connection, the newness, something different, etc

 

 

So now you are stuck with a GF that lied, cheated, and won't give you a straight answer.

There are many possibilities she's done this before without you even knowing about it. If she says she did it for revenge, well with the amount of times you got caught, maybe she went out for revenge then too.

 

 

 

You both don't trust each other, have no respect, and the lies keep coming. Can this be repaired? Who knows. If she can't be honest, this will go nowhere. In order to fix this, you both have to get to the root of your infidelity. Why you needed to do it, how it made you feel, how the other cheating made you feel, and get a view the other's perspective. You both need to learn to communicate and understand where the other is coming from. Maybe seek out couples therapy if you are serious about it. Good luck.

[Kitty Tantrum]

You seem to be stuck on the money issue a bit, so I have to ask: how much of HER MONEY have you spent on cheating in the last five years? I bet you've spent more than a few hundred dollars on gas alone in five years of chasing strange tail. If you don't separate finances and feel that her giving money to this dude was her using YOUR money, it works the other way too.

 

She's done nothing to you that you haven't done to her tenfold. Maybe SHE'LL forgive YOU... if you stay faithful for the next five years while she cheats on you at her leisure.

 

If you're wondering why it was THAT guy, my guess would be that it was a lot easier and more palatable for her to look backwards to find someone to cheat with than to find someone new.

[kendahke]

This is the profit of cheating on someone for 5 years---you get to get a dose of it eventually.

 

Karma...