Reaching out to an ex who had ercetile dysfunction?

[QueenLemon]

Yeah, he was probably embarrassed and most likely stressed with performance anxiety. Typically you only get performance anxiety when you care about someone enough...

 

Exactly how did you guys break things off? Simply stopped talking to one another; no one initiated?

 

Reach out, see what happens.

 

I thought embarrassment but then could be a whole other host of things too.

 

Then what happened with work made me think was it me?

 

So after the last incident of ED after he couldn't talk to me or look at me. We fell asleep. Got up the next day. He was quiet. Didn't think much. It was raining we had breakfast and cuddled up and watched telly.

 

He was meeting friends later that day and suggested I leave with him instead of before so we could walk to the train station together.

 

I didn't get a text that evening but at the time didn't think much of it as I'm not fixated on texting.

 

Anyway... The next day no text assumed he was hungover so popped him a message on the way home from a baby shower.

 

He replies very basic and not like him.

 

Next day quiet but I was so busy with work again I didn't think much of it until the following day. When I reach out. Again. Very flat conversation and not like him. As the week before he was initiating and we was chatting like normal.

 

We spoke on the phone and could tell something was up. Gave him space and the following weekend he comes out with "I've got cold feet and I feel I can't make you happy long term" at the time I didn't think to ask him what he meant.

 

I suggested we talk about it. But we didn't and it was left as that and we haven't spoke back since.

 

Again very childish as it was done via text but again I felt if he is embarrassed it is easier to hide away that way.

 

So now looking back over a month on... I'm tempted to reach out thanks to advice from another forum. But something is holding me back. Maybe it was that vague break up. As he clearly had communication issues to end it like that.

 

Oh I don't know. I'm rambling on lol

[MaleIntuition]

Well, with the new information my advice is to move on. He gave you a “it’s not you, it’s me - Line. And you where perfectly clear about wanting to continue seeing him. It wasn’t really vague at all, I was under the impression that it might have been some miss communication. Maybe his decision to end the relationship is related to his performance issue, maybe it isn’t - at the end of the day he prefered to run away. That’s on him. I don’t think you could have done anything else.

 

Edit: read you last post again, and uhm, er, if you feel that you can mentally handle another rejection; reach out, but do so knowing that it will probably not work out; but on the other hand you can leave all the “what ifs” behind.

Edited December 14, 2018 by MaleIntuition

[Gretchen12]

You have to make sure you're not making excuses for him.

 

A guy I was seeing had ED but he told me why, it was his medication, and he said he would talk to his doctor about changing to a different med. The whole ED thing was never an issue for me. Well, he couldn't do it, then two days later broke up with me and refused to tell me why.

 

Yes it occurred to me it was the ED, and that I didn't give him attention the two days after I left that morning. But those are all excuses. He is a grown man. He doesn't need mothering. He made his decision.

 

Many women are nurturing by nature. We can be very understanding. But sometimes it's misdirected. Also, when you want to believe in something you can talk yourself into it and have all the internet articles to support that angle.

 

Here you are thinking about his feelings, his embarrassment. Was he thinking of your feelings when he broke up with you?

 

I am not against you reaching out to him. Just be mentally prepared. By the way, if you met online, those often don't last over 3 months anyway.

[QueenLemon]

Well, with the new information my advice is to move on. He gave you a “it’s not you, it’s me - Line. And you where perfectly clear about wanting to continue seeing him. It wasn’t really vague at all, I was under the impression that it might have been some miss communication. Maybe his decision to end the relationship is related to his performance issue, maybe it isn’t - at the end of the day he prefered to run away. That’s on him. I don’t think you could have done anything else.

 

Edit: read you last post again, and uhm, er, if you feel that you can mentally handle another rejection; reach out, but do so knowing that it will probably not work out; but on the other hand you can leave all the “what ifs” behind.

 

To be fair I don't think I was that clear that night. As we said good night as we both had work the next day. Then never messaged back.

 

I do think he should have but then again I didn't reach out either and it goes both ways.

 

It is the "what ifs" that in struggling with. So maybe reaching out and getting that rejection will close the door.

 

Thanks for you input

[QueenLemon]

You have to make sure you're not making excuses for him.

 

A guy I was seeing had ED but he told me why, it was his medication, and he said he would talk to his doctor about changing to a different med. The whole ED thing was never an issue for me. Well, he couldn't do it, then two days later broke up with me and refused to tell me why.

 

Yes it occurred to me it was the ED, and that I didn't give him attention the two days after I left that morning. But those are all excuses. He is a grown man. He doesn't need mothering. He made his decision.

 

Many women are nurturing by nature. We can be very understanding. But sometimes it's misdirected. Also, when you want to believe in something you can talk yourself into it and have all the internet articles to support that angle.

 

Here you are thinking about his feelings, his embarrassment. Was he thinking of your feelings when he broke up with you?

 

I am not against you reaching out to him. Just be mentally prepared. By the way, if you met online, those often don't last over 3 months anyway.

 

This is so true. I've always been told I'm "too caring" and think of others before myself.

 

You are right he didn't think about my feelings when he was dealing with his own "embarrassment" which was selfish on his part.

 

I know online things don't last long. But my last relationship was from online and it lasted for years. So it can work out too. Maybe I was just lucky with him.

 

The thing with this guy. He gave me all the "I haven't met anyone like you since being in the city" he was here for 3 years. All his family and friends knew about me. He pushed for the girlfriend title and exlusivity.

 

He was attentive prior to that night. Literally felt like a flip from that night. That said maybe he covered it all that time and I never saw and was so stressed with work didn't pick up on it. Who knows.

 

He also knew I'm not one to just sleep with guys. So that was a big deal and he said he respected that.

 

Sitting thinking of how selfish he was now. Makes me think he did all of that to get in my knickers. Which u foolishly let him and then got embarrassed when he couldn't get it up and "dumped" me. Like someone else said it wasn't vague. I just thought it was. He chose to change and drop contact.

 

Me being a women I was like "oh no poor guy is embarrassed". No the guy is a coward!

 

Sorry I've come to a realisation.

[elaine567]

 

Sitting thinking of how selfish he was now. Makes me think he did all of that to get in my knickers. Which u foolishly let him and then got embarrassed when he couldn't get it up and "dumped" me. Like someone else said it wasn't vague. I just thought it was. He chose to change and drop contact.

 

Me being a women I was like "oh no poor guy is embarrassed". No the guy is a coward!

 

Sorry I've come to a realisation.

 

You were not put on this earth to "fix" guys you hardly know.

He is a grown up, he needs to seek help for himself.

He chose to dump you, maybe he was doing you a favour, maybe he is now blaming you for his issues. Who knows?

But relationships are usually hard enough without adding potentially serious "complications" early doors.

[QueenLemon]

You were not put on this earth to "fix" guys you hardly know.

He is a grown up, he needs to seek help for himself.

He chose to dump you, maybe he was doing you a favour, maybe he is now blaming you for his issues. Who knows?

But relationships are usually hard enough without adding potentially serious "complications" early doors.

 

Exactly!

 

Silly me I guess I also felt sorry for him.

 

Everyone at his work was like "she is stunning what is she doing with you" or "wow you are really lucky to be with her". Then his actual friends said "she is too good for you". Which I know probably made him insecure. So when his ED happened before he essentially ended it. I felt sorry for him. I should have been thinking about myself.

 

For him to tell me those things guess it must have played on his mind and he should have never of told me to be fair.

 

Yes he needs to seek help on his own.

 

I think I thought I failed him in a sense where I was so absorbed in work dramas (racism and bullying from my manager) that thought maybe I was cold with him. Being out that work and looking back I thought maybe it was me?

 

But like you said I don't have to fix him. Even if I was stressed at work. Such a new relationship I shouldn't be concerned over ED at my age.

[wtfhappend]

i didnt read your whole post, just the title, all i have to say is that erectile dysfunction is just in a young mans head. it really is more of anxiety.

 

i went through swings of that. the real reason why i couldnt perform was due to stress and anxiety, it was like i was focusing to much on cumming rather then the intamacy. once i finish i felt all the stress go away, but i had to have an up keep , if i waited more then a week to doing it again, the anxiety would come back. i got to the point where i had to get cialis. but it was all in my head.

 

a big part that ruins it is the woman over dressing and becoming super beautiful, instead of just being herself.

 

so if your with a guy who thinks he has that, just play around with him, even if hes limp. dont be so serious during sex,