darkmoon Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 (edited) Until I was 13, from babyhood, I was not adopted but was just fostered. So - would you deduce that my family held out because of the expense-money that foster parents get? And - would it follow that it would have looked suspect to not adopt me when the authorities noticed the 13 year gravy train? Clues - I was not even liked by my foster "mother". My "mother" abused me (violence, sarcasm, mocking, shouting, giving useless advice) but was never guided, which I now know is good parenting. She could not stand me on the worst days, which is obvious looking back. At 13 I could have informed the fostering authorities about my younger life, so she had to act all nice to them or risk prosecution. Do you agree that my "family" were in it for the money? Edited December 13, 2018 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 I'm sorry for the childhood you had . I can see why you would think the family was in it for the money, but impossible to say for sure, especially with not knowing the story about your birth family. Did you have visits with your birth mother/father? Did they still have parental rights making it impossible to adopt you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted December 13, 2018 Author Share Posted December 13, 2018 (edited) I'm sorry for the childhood you had . I can see why you would think the family was in it for the money, but impossible to say for sure, especially with not knowing the story about your birth family. Did you have visits with your birth mother/father? Did they still have parental rights making it impossible to adopt you? birth mother demonised, was told she was v untidy and also told that she did not react when I was discussed in court, just not bothered, but she was not totally absent as she sent me a lil note and a small bit of money when I was 5 (in 1958), saying she was too poor to parent me, she did care, see, but no dad around ... birth mothers are seen as "surrendering" mothers nowadays, for it is understood to be a wrench for most of them, even if the child is going places in a good home Edited December 13, 2018 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Did your foster family adopt you or were you adopted by a different family? My oldest brother’s good friend was a foster child and on his 18th birthday they threw him out. He was still in High School! My parents took him in to live with us even though they had six kids of their own. He is our brother from another mother So yes, some people very much are in it for the money but if they ended up adopting you then I’d definitely say no because they could’ve milked the system for five more years and did what those other people did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 (edited) Was your foster family related in any way to your birth mother? At 13 did you have to give your conscent to be adopted? I am fostering a 14 year old. It's a lot of work and the little bit of money I get from my government doesn't cover half the expenses so I don't know how people could do this for money. Kids that age are expensive + in my case I've missed many days (unpaid) of work to be with her in court, or at doctors, or at nutritionist ect. Also, what pays the most by the foster program is a child of 14. They give much less money for a baby up to 13-14. These people adopted you when they were about to get a raise for taking care of you. . Edited December 15, 2018 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted December 15, 2018 Author Share Posted December 15, 2018 I was not consulted, no. My adoption was in 1965 in the UK, so I do not know who got paid what back then. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Even with the pittance they get for fostering a child, it's only a drop in the bucket towards what it actually costs. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I was not consulted, no. My adoption was in 1965 in the UK, so I do not know who got paid what back then. Were you adopted by the family that raised you all along or another family? Is there a reason why you’re thinking about this now? Is it because of the holidays? I think it’s messed up that they didn’t let you have any say in the matter. You were certainly old enough to state your preference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted December 16, 2018 Author Share Posted December 16, 2018 Were you adopted by the family that raised you all along or another family? Is there a reason why you’re thinking about this now? Is it because of the holidays? I think it’s messed up that they didn’t let you have any say in the matter. You were certainly old enough to state your preference. same family ... just looking back, I noticed this ... the parents are long gone Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 same family ... just looking back, I noticed this ... the parents are long gone I’m not sure about the way it works there but here it would show how much they cared for you by adopting you Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted December 16, 2018 Author Share Posted December 16, 2018 (edited) I’m not sure about the way it works there but here it would show how much they cared for you by adopting you hahaha... it was considered odd not to be maternal back then ... long long ago now... I think they had to adopt me to look respectable, they were conspicuously prosperous by then, no need of foster-funding ... there was no love lost... I could have done better elsewhere thanks, but I want to end this discussion now, the is just not what happened, some of it is painful to go into, even now 50 years later Edited December 16, 2018 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I’m sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
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