Just when I thought I was moving on

[Hurtingguy]

I thought I was moving on doing better the heartbreak felt like it was gone and I was moving forward.. I met a woman a couple weeks ago we started talking and hanging out and it felt fun and nice to be able to start getting back out there.

 

Until Friday her and I where Xmas shopping together as friends it’s nothing serious and I start getting a bunch of phone calls from my ex who dumped me 4 months ago then a bunch of texts, well she saw me at the mall with this woman and got really upset, telling me how I could do this, how could I go out w someone else already, I felt horrible that she was hurting, she was texting me all night telling me how hurt she is and how she couldn’t stop crying, and that for the first time since the breakup she felt as if we are finally done.

 

I went home later that night and called her to try and make her feel better l, we ended up talking till the early morning and left our phones on speaker and fell asleep together, we’ve done this every night now since Friday, we talk all day again and all night like we use too, she’s telling me she loves me again and misses me and wants us to work out our problems even though we both k ow it will take time, lots of time...

 

Now I’m back feeling like I just want to be w her again, and so is she , she’s Jones back up to me and is being vulnerable w me again, and it feels good we both feel happy again that we can talk like we use too and try and possibly be together again, I’m willing to put in the work and so is she.

 

I guess what I’m looking for from everyone is some insight, is this just her being jealous, and trying to make sure I don’t move on before her?

 

Does she really mean it when she says she sees us together again?

 

Or is this just a phase and again she’s going to break my heart again and tell me she doesn’t want this?

 

She knows how much I love her and would still be w her again

And I know how much she loves me, I just don’t want false hope

 

Why do they come back the minute we start moving on?

 

It feels like she means eveything she Is saying.

I don’t want to mess things up I just want to be w her again and this time make it forever.

 

Please help me loveshack

[GoldenBeauty]

You are so lucky. Take her back. I think it is worth it. Maybe this was the extra nudge that she needed in order to drop her pride and tell you that she wants to be with you. You're blessed that you both have the energy and hope to work through your problems. Don't screw this up.

[basil67]

Hurtingguy, I think your problem is that you're too nice. She dumped you and now she's complaining because she thinks you moved on too fast.....and you didn't tell her to f off?

 

I can't tell you what her goal is, but I can tell you that her attitude is unacceptable. If she wants you back, she needs to beg and apologise. Not criticise you for leading a life without her.

[doyathinkso]

I don't know if you really deserve this chance but she seems to be offering it to you.

Just. Don't. Hurt. Her. Again!

[Cersei]

How long were you 2 together? Why did you break up? How old are you 2?

[GinON]

Rebuild your relationship in person. Doing it on the phone is building a relationship that is half in your minds; half fantasy.

 

We dont know who broke up with who, how long you were together, etc so its hard to know what the heck is going on.

 

If she left you, make her do the work to build it back up, but dont give it all up at once. You can still date, focus on your own life, enjoy her chasing you but take it slow, let it build over time or you will quickly be right back where you were (theoretically something in your personal dynamic is to blame for the break up) you were before, heading for another break up.

[Hurtingguy]

You are so lucky. Take her back. I think it is worth it. Maybe this was the extra nudge that she needed in order to drop her pride and tell you that she wants to be with you. You're blessed that you both have the energy and hope to work through your problems. Don't screw this up.

 

It’s not just as easy as taking her back, I lost trust in her when she hurt me she’s said a lot of mean things to me since the breakup, and has f with my head a lot, so I can’t just take her back without her putting work into it as welk

[Hurtingguy]

Hurtingguy, I think your problem is that you're too nice. She dumped you and now she's complaining because she thinks you moved on too fast.....and you didn't tell her to f off?

 

I can't tell you what her goal is, but I can tell you that her attitude is unacceptable. If she wants you back, she needs to beg and apologise. Not criticise you for leading a life without her.

 

I don’t want her to beg me to be with her I just want her to show me that she wants to be together, and show me that she still loves me, and yes you’re right I am too nice to her, but knowing she was hurting the way she was really upset me and I never want To see her upset like that

[Hurtingguy]

I don't know if you really deserve this chance but she seems to be offering it to you.

Just. Don't. Hurt. Her. Again!

 

I would never hurt her again, I really wouldn’t this breakup has thought me so much and I know I want her to be my forever

[Hurtingguy]

How long were you 2 together? Why did you break up? How old are you 2?

 

Together a year in 36 she’s 38 my story is posted

[preraph]

It's just jealous and competitive. I can't tell you how many times some guy who either was lukewarm or broke up gets their first boner for me in months after they see me out having fun with another guy or hears about it. It's just animal drive. Most people would be happier if like black widow spiders, they could just kill the person after they're done with them and never have to see them again. I certainly wouldn't be staying on the phone with her about it. She's just trying now to sabotage you. You keep dating this new woman and do not let this ex interrupt you when you're with her at all. If it didn't work then, it won't work now just because she's possessive.

[Hurtingguy]

It's just jealous and competitive. I can't tell you how many times some guy who either was lukewarm or broke up gets their first boner for me in months after they see me out having fun with another guy or hears about it. It's just animal drive. Most people would be happier if like black widow spiders, they could just kill the person after they're done with them and never have to see them again. I certainly wouldn't be staying on the phone with her about it. She's just trying now to sabotage you. You keep dating this new woman and do not let this ex interrupt you when you're with her at all. If it didn't work then, it won't work now just because she's possessive.

 

I don’t think it has to do w her being possessive, it’s not one of her traits.

However I do feel like it is jealousy she brought it up again today and said if I love her how can I just be out trying to move on instead of trying to fix our relationship if I love her the way I’ve always said I do, it’s just frustrating, I like this new woman but I’m still in love w my ex and she’s sucked me back in again and now I’m confused I guess it’s my own fault for answering her text and calling her back just to make sure she’s ok

[gcp]

Did she initially break up with you?

[Hurtingguy]

Did she initially break up with you?

 

Yes she did

[gcp]

Then she has no right to get upset if you are moving on with your life. She had her chance to "fix" the relationship in my opinion.

[FMW]

There are no guarantees.

 

From reading your other thread, my impression is she's not an emotionally stable person and you can't rely on her to stay the course. I wouldn't expect that to change any time soon, if ever.

 

But my guess is you're going to have to just see this through and either crash and burn for good or somehow make it work. Otherwise you're never going to really move on. It certainly wouldn't be fair to any other woman you might get involved with if you're going to melt every time this woman starts paying attention to you again.

[Hurtingguy]

There are no guarantees.

 

From reading your other thread, my impression is she's not an emotionally stable person and you can't rely on her to stay the course. I wouldn't expect that to change any time soon, if ever.

 

But my guess is you're going to have to just see this through and either crash and burn for good or somehow make it work. Otherwise you're never going to really move on. It certainly wouldn't be fair to any other woman you might get involved with if you're going to melt every time this woman starts paying attention to you again.

 

I agree w you about her being stable, I can see she’s trying tho and she’s not just saying oh let’s jump right back in to things and I’m not either we both know we have to work on ourselves more w we are doing , and stupid me for the time being I back off from the new woman I met even tho I was upfront with her when we first met and told her I’m not ready for a full blown relationship and needed to move very slow, and she was fine w this, do I tell her I’m still in love w my ex and I’m not ready to give up on her I just don’t want to hurt her I know she is catching feeling really quick for me and I don’t feel the same way she does right now

[nodramallama]

So you were broken up for 4 months and she got upset because she saw you with another woman?? Completely unreasonable and childish! Her insecurity is indicative of her emotional instability.

 

 

 

Also, why was she not blocked on your phone? Were you holding out hope that this insecure person would reach out to you again and drag you through even more mud? That's not exactly allowing yourself to move on.

 

 

 

Here's the thing...it's cuffing season. (Google it!) The holidays are here and she's lonely. Nothing has changed. Once the emotions die down, your original problems will resurface because nothing has changed! Right now, all you're doing is taking a stroll down memory lane when times were "good".

 

 

If she really wants to give it go again, wait until after the New Year and see how she (and you) feels then.

[Twizzlestick]

I thought I was moving on doing better the heartbreak felt like it was gone and I was moving forward.. I met a woman a couple weeks ago we started talking and hanging out and it felt fun and nice to be able to start getting back out there.

 

Until Friday her and I where Xmas shopping together as friends it’s nothing serious and I start getting a bunch of phone calls from my ex who dumped me 4 months ago then a bunch of texts, well she saw me at the mall with this woman and got really upset, telling me how I could do this, how could I go out w someone else already, I felt horrible that she was hurting, she was texting me all night telling me how hurt she is and how she couldn’t stop crying, and that for the first time since the breakup she felt as if we are finally done.

 

I went home later that night and called her to try and make her feel better l, we ended up talking till the early morning and left our phones on speaker and fell asleep together, we’ve done this every night now since Friday, we talk all day again and all night like we use too, she’s telling me she loves me again and misses me and wants us to work out our problems even though we both k ow it will take time, lots of time...

 

Now I’m back feeling like I just want to be w her again, and so is she , she’s Jones back up to me and is being vulnerable w me again, and it feels good we both feel happy again that we can talk like we use too and try and possibly be together again, I’m willing to put in the work and so is she.

 

I guess what I’m looking for from everyone is some insight, is this just her being jealous, and trying to make sure I don’t move on before her?

 

Does she really mean it when she says she sees us together again?

 

Or is this just a phase and again she’s going to break my heart again and tell me she doesn’t want this?

 

She knows how much I love her and would still be w her again

And I know how much she loves me, I just don’t want false hope

 

Why do they come back the minute we start moving on?

 

It feels like she means eveything she Is saying.

I don’t want to mess things up I just want to be w her again and this time make it forever.

 

Please help me loveshack

 

Blimey! Wish this would happen to me

 

[reaches for note pad to jot down notes on what to do ]

 

 

Joking aside, that’s Great to hear. I’m glad for you. I nearly fell off my chair laughing a devious laugh when you wrote she said “it made her realise it was finally over”. Ah I don’t mean that as cruel minded, but it is natural after the endless agony of being at the end of being dumped to feel a little light relief when the “other side” shows they aren’t quite as bullet proof as you think they are. It’s nice, cuts the bs and shows equal respect.

 

There’s so much subconscious powers tripping that goes on during a breakup. Becomes all one person in control, the other a subservient. Two people can go from being perfectly adult and rational to the pictures of bad human trait. It’s very ugly, so nice when the bs stops

 

Can’t help you on the rest of it, but you’ve got more hope than I have and I’m very glad for you. Tread cautiously Young sky walker!

[HumanMachine]

Yes she did

 

You’d be mad to go back to her.

[preraph]

I don’t think it has to do w her being possessive, it’s not one of her traits.

However I do feel like it is jealousy she brought it up again today and said if I love her how can I just be out trying to move on instead of trying to fix our relationship if I love her the way I’ve always said I do, it’s just frustrating, I like this new woman but I’m still in love w my ex and she’s sucked me back in again and now I’m confused I guess it’s my own fault for answering her text and calling her back just to make sure she’s ok

 

If you broke up for a good reason and one that can't be fixed, you will have to block her because she is going to try to sabotage every relationship you get into. And listen, just because she doesn't want you with someone else doesn't necessarily mean she wants to keep you or anything has changed.