Melissa_J Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 My boyfriend and I were together for 10 months. He still lived with his mom and had a busy work schedule which only allowed us to see eachother once or twice a week. I used to get upset when he wouldn’t come over more often but sometimes he was just tired and didn’t want to see me, which I for the most part respected. But when I did get mad at him for that it pushed him away even farther. We weren’t in a very serious relationship (we are both 27) We never said I love you and would sometimes go a week or two without seeing each other because of our schedules. We still were in a solid relationship, we met eahcohters families, hungout with each others friends. We liked eachother a lot and texted or talked every single day and would have the sporadic entire weekends together when neither of us had work which were so amazing. At the time of the breakup we had gone over a week without seeing eachother so I texted him to ask when he was off so we could hangout. He had been kind of cold and short with me all week but when I asked him what was up with that he said he just hadn’t been feeling himself. When I tried to make plans to meet up he would only reply with variations of “idk” and eventually I had to ask him if he was trying to break up with me and he said “I guess so yes I think you need someone who wants to be in more of a relationship.” So I immediately cut it off and went 1 month NC. It sort of came out of the blue for me so I figured if I cut him off and gave him his space he would realize he missed me but after a month I cracked and texted him with a friendly hi what’s up. We then talked for about 3 weeks every single day, not about the break up or anything just about what we were each up to and it kind of felt like we were heading in the direction of getting back together. Just this weekend I finally asked if he would be open to trying again and his answer was a hard no to which I told him I need to cut him off then and move on. I’ve been struggling with this for over 2 months now and I can’t stop thinking about him. I just miss him so much. I’ve gone NC again (on day 3 this time) but for some reason it’s even harder than the first because this time I’m doing it to move on not to try to win him back. It’s just so hard because I wish he still wanted to be with me and I don’t know how to move on when I really don’t want to lose him. I also think I’ve been romanticizing our relationship in my head but when I try to think of the arguments we had I can only see how I was in the wrong each time. Maybe I really did just mess it all up by getting on his case about everything. How do I feel empowered to move on and not blame myself for everything? Link to post Share on other sites
nolanola Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 I'm so sorry. That is hard. I think part of why you might feel worse is that you've been putting yourself out there now a few times only to be rejected by him. Meaning, when you reached out to him after being NC, he was friendly at first and then rejected you when you tried to rekindle the relationship. I am guessing something has happened more recently since you're only 3 days NC now? Being rejected really stings. You can't make someone love you or want to be with you. That's a hard pill to swallow when you care about and like someone (or maybe even love them). Intellectually we all know this, but it's really hard to accept emotionally. This guy sounds kind of immature. Why is he living with his mom if he is 27 and has a job? He doesn't sound like he really has his stuff together at the moment. You are doing the right thing by walking away. Remove his number from your phone if it helps but do not contact him. Walk away with your head high. Do whatever you have to do to let him be. For me, it helped to know that my ex would not know what I was up to. I wanted him to wonder, because he wouldn't be hearing from me. Even when I was sad and in my pajamas in front of the TV, he didn't know that. It does get better with time, if you can cut him out of your life. Wish I had a better answer for you or a magic fix. The truth is that the only things that really make heartbreak better are time and NC. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 stop spending any time on your own you will get thru this quicker with distractions, just join some groups of new people, then get on with your life Link to post Share on other sites
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