Marnee Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Hey guys. Im new to this forum and wanted to make sense with some things and maybe have a clearer picture of what's going on in my current situation. Me and my boyfriend were together for over 2 years now and he decided to say he didn't want to be with me anymore out of the blue. A few hours prior he was telling me that he loves me and that he misses me... then out of nowhere he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore because i treated him like s**t during the first year of the relationship. I felt that I didn't treat him that way, but I do admit i would get upset when he would ditch plans or when he didnt pick up phone calls. I did try to break it off with him a few times, telling him maybe its not a good idea because i dont want to come in between two friends and that he knew him longer than he known me. After all this, he still wanted to be with me and take a chance. We had our ups and downs, we would argue then let it go. With me, i would always want to talk about it so it wouldnt arise later in the future but he never wants to talk about it and would get upset so i would just leave it alone. One of our breakups he told me that he didnt love me anymore and that he hated me. didnt want anything to do with me anymore. I asked him why... and he just said he didnt want to. We got into this big argument and ended. I took it hard and didnt contact him for 3 days.... then out of the blue he messages me and told me that hes sorry for what he did and why did he treat the most important person in his life the way he did...and this is all because he saw a rough draft of a christmas card he written me. and he told me that he still loves me. so we got back together. 4 months passes and now he said he doesnt want to be with me anymore.... saying that he's bored and he's tired and also because i treated him badly... even though he would bark back saying my breath stinks and im a dumbass and to f**k off.... i dont understand why he's outwieghing the bad than the good. he also said we never done anything the past 2 years we've been together. we went to tons of museums becuase thats what he likes and also to an aquarium and many other places. but then i told him when i wanted him to go to japan with me and get his passport done he didnt. then there was new york and we both booked our tickets then he couldnt go because he couldnt get the days off. after that was lake tahoe but he said he didnt want to spend money on that and rather go to las vegas, so i booked everything and he told me he didnt want to go anymore even after being so excited about it. i dont know if he's going to come back to me even though i hope he does... i just dont understand why he would just change like that. Oh and fyi, i am his first girlfriend and he did lose his V to me also and he's 26.... please any advice to move on or let me know if he may come back...any advice or insight would help. thanks guys! Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 It doesn't sound like you treated him badly during your first year together. It sounds like he treated you badly and you were reacting to that. It also doesn't sound like he ever stopped treating you badly, you just became used to it and lowered your expectations. I'm sorry that you are hurt but honestly this guy doesn't sound like a keeper to me and I think you're better of without him. The only reason he is bringing up all this stupid stuff is because he doesn't want to be with you but he wants to blame you rather than take ownership of his choice. Don't let his words get to you but do let him go. You can get better. Link to post Share on other sites
GinON Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 I think Anika99 is right but I would also add that while you are leaving this dude behind, you might want to work on self respect a bit. This is the part that bothers me the most: He called you a "a dumbass and to f**k off." With self respect, you will know its time to walk away and never look back if someone treats you like that. Building up your self respect will increase the quality of your future relationships. I recommend self compassion, read Brene Browns work, or watch her videos. You might try therapy, you might enjoy watching Craig Kenneth videos, especially the ones with Margaret. They are all on youtube. Developing self worth takes a lot of work and lots of time, and makes a good objective to work on while you go no contact with this man that has treated you badly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 I don't know what to think Actually, you do know what to think. You just seem to not want to think it. As GinON said, have some belief in your value as a person, including that you deserve to be treated with respect and consideration. Verbal abuse should be a red flag and a dealbreaker. Walk away... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 But , sorry and l'm not sayin stuff he said and did was all roses either but you did also sound like a bit of a pain in the ass before all that along the way. And that's only what your telling here. Most women conveniently have no idea just how much they dish out but l'd be guessing we could easily triple what you've mentioned even if you don't realize it or take into account all the little things, that turn into big things in time and build a lot of resentment you won't see. That's what he sounds like he had, resentment. But , even if all wrong , for whatever reason you guys were just too rocky to get much further anyway sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
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