Is my boyfriend emotionally cheating or what’s going on? Feel very paranoid

[Glam]

You know he lied and doesn't want you to know about her, so I think your suspicions are not unjustified. Why don't you just tell him you know he lied? It sounds like his number one priority is sex, so even though he says you're the best, if it's what he cares most about, he's likely also pursuing variety. She's a long way off, so that's good. But if he's lying about her, what else is he hiding?

 

 

 

I don’t know if his number one priority is sex. I mean, he seems satisfied with me in that area. He’s alwaye saying I’m the best he’s had and he has no reason to stray cause I give him everything. He also said he has never cheated on anyone despite having girls hit on him, even when his last relationship wasn’t going well, cause according to him he’s “loyal”. I really don’t know if it’s about sex, that’s the one thing in our relationship that has always been better than anyone we’ve both been with. So if it’s not sex then it’s somethin else

[ExpatInItaly]

He was active from 2am until 3 or 4am I don’t remember exactly but they were both active for 2 or 3 hours talking. Because he was checking his mobile credit account on my phone, and he left it logged in, it shows you activity from his phone and also numbers that he texts, he obviously didn’t realise he left it logged in. So searching the number I found out who it was. I was very curious because I’d never seen that number before and the fact that texted so late at night. I probably shouldn’t have looked at his account but he did leave it logged in.

 

Okay, now this makes more sense. I was asking in order to determine if you simply feared he lied and were being irrationally insecure, or if you actually had proof he lied. It seems to be the latter.

 

I find it strange he was up talking to her in the middle of the night when he didn't even reply to your simple message that day. I don't think you're totally wrong to be concerned here, OP.

[bathtub-row]

Unless the two of you are newly dating, the fact that he keeps his cell phone secret from you is a red flag. Lots of red flags here.

 

You need to just tell him that you saw his account and that you’d like an explanation as to what’s going on. If he gives you some song and dance, ask him to show you the messages. If he says no or that they’ve been erased, then you’ll have a decision to make and you should make right there in that moment. If you decide to stay, then stay and never bring it up again. If you decide you can’t trust him, then tell him that and walk away.

[Glam]

Okay, now this makes more sense. I was asking in order to determine if you simply feared he lied and were being irrationally insecure, or if you actually had proof he lied. It seems to be the latter.

 

I find it strange he was up talking to her in the middle of the night when he didn't even reply to your simple message that day. I don't think you're totally wrong to be concerned here, OP.

 

He eventually did reply when I joked that whoever he’s talking to must be really interesting cause he never stays up that late to talk to me. What do you think is going on? I find it so weird. It’s not like she’s a new girl he’s met, they’ve been friends on social media longer than I even know my boyfriend. And she doesn’t even live near him. Like is he planning on cheating on me? Or setting up his next girlfriend?

[Glam]

Unless the two of you are newly dating, the fact that he keeps his cell phone secret from you is a red flag. Lots of red flags here.

 

You need to just tell him that you saw his account and that you’d like an explanation as to what’s going on. If he gives you some song and dance, ask him to show you the messages. If he says no or that they’ve been erased, then you’ll have a decision to make and you should make right there in that moment. If you decide to stay, then stay and never bring it up again. If you decide you can’t trust him, then tell him that and walk away.

 

Well I don’t want to say anything to him yet because I was planning on keeping an eye if they talk every night for hours or if it was just a one off thing. So far the only time I know he text her, was last night. I haven’t seen any other texts from her before then. If he continues doing this for days or weeks then clearly something is going on

[bathtub-row]

You keep getting hung up on this thing about them having known each other before you came along. I get that to a point but you have no idea what the relationship was like during that time. Maybe they wanted to be together but the timing was wrong. Or maybe they were both in relationships and had an affair. Just because he says he never cheated doesn’t make it so. Obviously he lies so everything that comes out of his mouth is questionable.

[bathtub-row]

Well I don’t want to say anything to him yet because I was planning on keeping an eye if they talk every night for hours or if it was just a one off thing. So far the only time I know he text her, was last night. I haven’t seen any other texts from her before then. If he continues doing this for days or weeks then clearly something is going on

 

Makes sense. So, you’re still able to see his account? I’m surprised it hasn’t logged you out. Yeah, keep an eye on things.

[Glam]

Makes sense. So, you’re still able to see his account? I’m surprised it hasn’t logged you out. Yeah, keep an eye on things.

 

I can still see the account. He doesn’t log out unless unless you press the log out button. It makes sense maybe they couldn’t be together but it’s kind of weird timing given she’s had a baby with another man. Who knows maybe my boyfriend want to be the dad to the baby lol. To be honest I’m prepared for the possibility that he is going to break up with me for her. It’s going to hurt like hell but if they keep texting every night then he clearly has more feelings for her. So I guess he can leave our 2 year relationship just like that and forget me

[darkmoon]

Why do you think he’s commitment phobic and what do you mean by doorstop? Sorry I don’t understand that part!

 

 

He seems to be demonstrating how free he is, and he likes it this way as he is committment phobic

 

 

She is the doorstop, meaning - she holds his door open, so he is not in a cage, he is free - and thus he has planted a seed of doubt about whether he is yours, and so here you are at Loveshack

 

 

Date others, he may yet settle down in the end, but that will be when he wants, not when we say.

Edited December 14, 2018 by darkmoon

[Glam]

He seems to be demonstrating how free he is, and he likes it this way as he is committment phobic

 

 

She is the doorstop, meaning - she holds his door open, so he is not in a cage, he is free - and thus he has planted a seed of doubt about whether he is yours, and so here you are at Loveshack

 

 

Date others, he may yet settle down in the end, but that will be when he wants, not us.

 

 

I’m not really sure he’s commitment phobic. He’s had 2 long term girlfriends, one lasted nearly 8 years then me. Plus what is commitment phobia and why do people have it?

[darkmoon]

I’m not really sure he’s commitment phobic. He’s had 2 long term girlfriends, one lasted nearly 8 years then me. Plus what is commitment phobia and why do people have it?

 

 

 

 

it's really just my take on the matter, he may not even realize the effect his side friendship is having on you, though from what you say, he must be late 20s age, by which time people know right from wrong

 

 

committmentphobes like to have a bit of freedom, the opposite to a committmentphobe is a limpet or a clinging vine

[bathtub-row]

I guess you’re certain that the kid isn’t his.

[Glam]

I guess you’re certain that the kid isn’t his.

 

The kid is definitely not his lol. Although he does really like kids but I’m not ready for one (early 20s) he’s late 20s, so maybe that’s a plus for her in his mind. She has a kid!

[d0nnivain]

He’s not really making me feel secure. He can say he loves me all he wants but I’m finding it hard to believe every day that passes by when he does things like that and lie to me. I don’t feel loved by him. Heck he’s probably chasing this girl, knowing he’s in a relationship with me. I feel like I’m not good enough for him if he’s texting other girls especially a woman who’s got a family and a new baby, yet he still wants her over me. The girl he “says” he loves. I’ve no idea what I’m doing wrong that he’s so unhappy he has to chase other girls

 

 

You really have to find out what they are talking about. Something is telling me he might be helping her through a crisis. I don't see a conversation as him chasing anybody.

 

For example. I love my husband but this morning I cried on the phone to a male buddy in my industry because work was stressing me out. My husband tried to be supportive last night but this morning my buddy talked me off the ledge in a way that my husband couldn't because my buddy is right there with me, while my husband doesn't share our career. I'm certainly not leaving my husband nor would my buddy leave his wife. But in that moment this morning I needed the buddy.

Edited December 14, 2018 by d0nnivain

[Glam]

You really have to find out what they are talking about. Something is telling me he might be helping her through a crisis. I don't see a conversation as him chasing anybody.

 

For example. I love my husband but this morning I cried on the phone to a male buddy in my industry because work was stressing me out. My husband tried to be supportive last night but this morning my buddy talked me off the ledge in a way that my husband couldn't because my buddy is right there with me, while my husband doesn't share our career. I'm certainly not leaving my husband nor would my buddy leave his wife. But in that moment this morning I needed the buddy.

 

 

That is a possibility since I don’t actually know what they were talking about. The fact that he lied kind of makes me think it’s not innocent. Why else would he lie? I did tell him it’s okay if he has female friends but he still said it was just guys he’s talking to. He knows I can be paranoid about things like that but he’s making me more paranoid. He even said your being paranoid.

 

Anyway so yesterday and last night they didn’t seem to text. But I’m going to keep an eye on it. Maybe it was just a once off that she needed advice. I’m really not sure what to think anymore

[ExpatInItaly]

I asked earlier, but perhaps you missed it, OP - is this the same guy who suddenly broke up with you over text back in August 2017?

 

From this thread: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/631911-shock-completely-blindsided-breakup

[Glam]

I asked earlier, but perhaps you missed it, OP - is this the same guy who suddenly broke up with you over text back in August 2017?

 

From this thread: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/631911-shock-completely-blindsided-breakup

 

It’s the same guy yes. We worked things out and we’ve actually been going good since then. He actually seemed to get more attached to me since that time in August. Just recently I was going to a party and he told me “no kissing men” (as if I’d do that). I asked him why is he telling me that, he replies “because I don’t want you to”.

 

Right but it’s okay for him to text a woman and not tell me. And just 2 days ago he was telling me “you’re mine” and he went to his own work party on Monday and that night he was ringing me saying he loves me. (Bit drunk lol) So that was only 4 days ago. So you can see why I’m confused by his behaviour now.

[SunnyWeather]

He was active from 2am until 3 or 4am I don’t remember exactly but they were both active for 2 or 3 hours talking. Because he was checking his mobile credit account on my phone, and he left it logged in, it shows you activity from his phone and also numbers that he texts, he obviously didn’t realise he left it logged in. So searching the number I found out who it was. I was very curious because I’d never seen that number before and the fact that texted so late at night. I probably shouldn’t have looked at his account but he did leave it logged in.

 

I still don't quite understand how you could see who he was texting, if he even was. was it whatsapp? suffice it to say, we could speculate ad nauseam but you really won't get more answers unless you actually talk to him about it.