fred123 Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 how do you know when the girl u go on dates with is bantering and having fun with u or making digs at you and putting you down? Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Give us an example and we will assess. I think it all depends on the seriousness of the issue. Ex. My boyfriend is 6 years younger than me. We joke around about me being a cougar. That is funny. But he sent pictures of walkers and canes still thinking it was funny. I had to explain that my Mom used those items and I didn't find that so funny. He felt horrible and apologized. So I think it depends on what the comment is. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Banter is playful and teasing, without getting too personal. For example "dont quit your day job to become a comedian" after you make an unfunny joke is banter, but "wow, that was lame" is already crossing the line a bit. I dont know if that's a good example, probably not, so here's another one. Once a guy said "what work? Oh you mean your little hobby" when I said I will soon have to leave for work, as we were having lunch. That too me has crossed the line of banter. Just see how the things she says makes you feel, I guess 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Banter is playful and teasing, without getting too personal. For example "dont quit your day job to become a comedian" after you make an unfunny joke is banter, but "wow, that was lame" is already crossing the line a bit. I dont know if that's a good example, probably not, so here's another one. Once a guy said "what work? Oh you mean your little hobby" when I said I will soon have to leave for work, as we were having lunch. That too me has crossed the line of banter. Just see how the things she says makes you feel, I guess Oh that "what work" comment was so bad. Definately not banter! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Oh that "what work" comment was so bad. Definately not banter! Yeah, especially followed by "oh come on" type of comment after I told him that it wasn't nice of him to say that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 If you have to ask then they probably took a shot at you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 how do you know when the girl u go on dates with is bantering and having fun with u or making digs at you and putting you down? Sober or high? Body language? Physically affectionate/kissing or not? Early on or dating awhile? Does she poke fun at herself too? IMO, not a simple answer. Human interaction, of the dating kind, is rarely simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah_Smiles Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 I'd say you know by how it makes you feel afterward, especially if you are sensitive to unkind remarks. Huge difference from someone laughing at you or with you, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
outwithpeterpan Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 It depends on context. Sometimes girls will tease you because they like you. Sometimes they will make digs at you to see how comfortable you are in your own skin. They don't do it consciously I don't think. But if they tease you and you act shaken up about it (pout, get upset, have nothing to say) then they see you as not as confident as you're pretending you are. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 What did she say and how did it make you feel? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 It depends on if you were insulted or not. If you were insulted then you were insulted and if not then it was banter. Were you insulted by what they said? That being said, normally when people go on dates and are getting to know each other, they engage in banter, unless they are a complete ******* or want to end things with you in an immature way, then they’re insulting you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 . Once a guy said "what work? Oh you mean your little hobby" when I said I will soon have to leave for work, as we were having lunch. That too me has crossed the line of banter. See context matters too not just the words. If you were a world class surgeon who just won the Nobel prize in medicine & somebody joked that your "work" was a "little hobby" that would be closer to banter (although possibly jealousy) but you get my point. Link to post Share on other sites
Sinister Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 how do you know when the girl u go on dates with is bantering and having fun with u or making digs at you and putting you down? You know if there's a follow up conversation rather than this being the only one. banter and digs are both her sh it tests. If you don't pass them she'll lose interest. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 Even when joking there is often some element of truth, or that the person thinks it's truth. Just always remember that if it came out of their mouth, they were thinking it. Then you just have to weigh if it's anything to be insulted about or not. Example, you compliment her. She says, "I bet you say that to all the girls." Which is a cliche. She probably said it to be humble and/or lighten the mood because she finds compliments slightly awkward to receive and also because she doesn't want you to think she's taking the compliment seriously since it's common knowledge men often use compliments somewhat manipulatively. But if she follows it with, "You haven't dated much, have you?" then you know it was a dig at your "line." Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 (edited) See context matters too not just the words. If you were a world class surgeon who just won the Nobel prize in medicine & somebody joked that your "work" was a "little hobby" that would be closer to banter (although possibly jealousy) but you get my point. That was not the case though. He was someone with a much higher income, wearing a suit and working in a fancy office at a central location, while my profession was somewhat of a struggle financially and didn't include any of the benefits he had. If the scenario was reversed, then sure. I have even joked in that way myself, but it's important to not be in a position of power while making that kind of jokes. The best banter is the kind of over-the-top banter that makes it obvious that you don't actually think that way Like telling a handsome ripped personal trainer - "so, what does a couch potatoe like you do when he's not lazying around? ;)" said with a playful tone. Just an example Edited December 18, 2018 by Lorenza Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 Lorenza In your case it was absolutely a condescending dig. However, I was trying to point out that in another context the same words would have been banter. Link to post Share on other sites
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