Was my Husband's Best Friend being inappropriate?

[Jazzo]

Hi All

 

I'd appreciate your feedback and answers to the question in the title. Let me give you a little background so you can understand the dynamics of my husband's and I's friendship with HIS best friend.

 

I'll refer to the best friend as Lewis. I'll give you some background below and then where i say VIEW MESSAGES view the attached pics and come back to the rest of the post.

 

I would start by saying prior to today, Lewis is 100% a loyal friend to my husband. Pure motives, trustworthy, and really has my husband's back. Never sensed anything sketchy or not right with him. Funny dude, a real dude who will go off on someone, but a loyal friend who has went to bat and defended my husband on many occasions. I would say my hubby is Lewis's best friend as well. My hubby has equally been the same person to Lewis, Lewis has been to him. They travel out of town together for sneaker events. Usually they speak daily. They invested in businesses together. Lewis and my husband have entrusted each other with large sums of money, and so forth. Lewis has recently incorporated my hubby in a business that has really started to become lucrative. Showing my husband the ropes, and it's been very successful. They really trust each other. Lewis is married, and you can say we are friends with his wife. Not to the level however as we are with Lewis. Him and my hubby were not childhood friends. They met through a sale of merchandise maybe 4 or 5 years ago and have been tight every since and their friendship has progressively gotten stronger. Lewis also has 3 adolescent sons that live with him and his his current wife. (I play Fornite with his boys) Lewis is 8 years older then my husband. Lewis 45, my hubby 37, and me 33. Not sure if this matters, but Lewis and his wife, while older than us has been married less then us. Me and my husband 9 years, Lewis and his wife 3 years.

 

So here's the dynamics of Lewis's and I's friendship. I wouldn't call him my best friend, but a friend for sure. The majority of our dialouge is heavily joking and being sarcastic with one another, which my husband thinks is hilarious. It literally a roast feast. I'm a cool woman who can joke and crack back with the best of them. We carry this dialogue back and forth all the time when in the presence of his wife and my husband, who again find it funny, and may even chime in with there own jokes. Lewis could be on the phone with my husband, and hear me in the background, and tell my husband to tell me something stupid like "Tell your wife she sucks at Fornite" (He know I love fornite, but not as good as i want to be) and my husband will relay the message, laughing off course. However, with all the sarcastic banter, we do have serious conversations when necessary. He recently needed me to do something for their business when my husband went out and ran an errand, and since I work from home everyday, he called me via FB (that's the only way he can reach me..he doesn't have my real phone number for calls/texts)and walked me through the process. I always felt, without it being said, that if my husband was away, and i needed something, like being stranded on the side of the road with our kids, my husband would have Lewis come and get us, and Lewis won't think twice, neither would his wife. I kinda had adopted this idea that we somewhat mimic a big brother/little sister relationship, the cracking on each other but at the same time we'll do something for each other if we're called on to do it.

 

So, here the current situation. I've been conflicted in my mind and it's really troubling me to think Lewis may have had thoughts or was hoping something inappropriate would happen between us in this situation today.

 

So my husband went out of town yesterday and won't be back till Monday. He NEVER goes out of town, but he on a trip with his work buddies, which I'm glad, because they got him on a plane and he really needs a trip like that, cause he hates being separated from us, which makes me feel bad, cause i'll go on a trip in a heartbeat.

 

Anyway, same day my husband leave at 5am, Lewis FB messages me. Cracks, roasting, joking, sarcastic banter commences. Long story short ( you'll read the long story in the pics) he needs to come get something business related from our house, and through all the wise cracking and joking this idea of us having a fight when he gets here to pick up the item results. I really didn't think too much of it, and of course I play along, but then i started to maybe think, he actually really wants to play fight when he gets here. Like really tussle around and what not. That's when I started thinking about this. I couldn't imagine this taking place in front of my hubby or his wife and it being okay. Granted he's told my hubby before jokingly "Tell you wife imma beat her up" I wouldn't imagine us physically play fighting. Boys back when I was young would play fight with you, and that meant they liked you. Does it mean the same thing when it's a grown man?? I wasn't sure. Anyway I decided, we'lll battle when he gets here, but not the way he was anticipating. I need to in a environment I could control and be in control of. So, in the middle of the convo yesterday I decided, I was going to hide in the bushes in the front of our house and when he knocked on the door, jump out with both of our outdoor water hoses, spray him relentlessly, and then run and jump in my car , which already had the keys in the ignition and take off. I purposely asked my neighbor if I could park in her driveway, as that was the side of the house I was on. I planned this out thouroughly last night.

 

pause - you probably are thinking, i'm super childish, and I am. I am a prankster if you bring it out of me. i love video games and doing stupid stuff if i can get away with it. I'm 33 but 13 at heart. If you give me an opportunity to be a fool. I will take it --unpause

 

okay VIEW MESSAGES (read left to right, top to bottom) - [LINK REMOVED BY MODERATION]

 

 

done reading, okay...so they last videos sent back and forth, were videos i first created while i was waiting in the bushes. Basically telling him that if he's watching this video, he's soaking wet right not. More sarcastic banter and cracking jokes since I felt this was a superior plan. I thought maybe I was taking it too far. It's like 20 degrees where I am and It was raining already, but then I thought, that if his intentions were unpure, he deserved this anyway. The plan worked out perfectly. I tried to record it by putting my phone in my beanie, but all you got was the bushes and sky being recorded, which i guess is perfect to share, since you don't see our faces. i'll see if i can post that too for you to review, just for kicks.

 

 

After I left, he sent a video saying I ran cause I was scared, and then he put some trash in the front lawn and tried to spray water under the front door to get me back. really weak attempts in my opinion. however, when I thought about it afterwards, his intentions for coming probably wasn't to really hurt me anyway, but to play fight and hope it led to something else. And maybe not sex or anything, but maybe just inappropriate touching or groping in the midst of so-called play fighting. in the messages when he asked about RULES, that made me think he wanted confirmation on what he could and could not do. I responded with NO RULES, because I already knew how I was going to play this. I really hate thinking that he was hoping for or preparing for something inappropriate. I really don't want to think that way about Lewis. Especially since I know how much my husband values their friendship.

 

So, what do you think? Do you think Lewis had ill will in wanting to come over? Do grown men joke heavily and sarcastically with women they like or find attractive?

 

For the record, my husband has attractive friends, but Lewis is not one of them. Nothing about this man physically attracts me, which again initially is why I didn't feel anything about him coming over. But I had a case of something like this in my younger high school years, play fighting with a boy innocently, and he took that as an opportunity to touch me inappropriately while claiming he was just playing and it was on accident.

 

I'm really glad during this convo with him, I took a moment to think about what really could have went bad in this situation if I would have allowed him in. He easily could overpower me if he wanted to. I hate even saying or thinking that. Since the last video I sent him around 10 am today, which was a video of me coming back home and accessing the so-called damage he claimed to have done, he's been quiet. Again I threw some stabs and crackbacks in that video dogging him out and he's been silent ever since. He was messaging me nonstop since 10am yesterday, and now nothing. Could that be because it didnt go the way he wanted?

 

Forgive me. I know this was long, but please tell me everything you feel about this. You might be reading this and it's crystal clear to you what this was. But I don't like to think ill of any one and their intentions, and I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, so I'm very blind to things like that especially when I view a person as loyal. Thanks

Edited December 15, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed links

[basil67]

I never open videos from sources which I don't know. Too much risk of virus or spam

[Jazzo]

I never open videos from sources which I don't know. Too much risk of virus or spam

 

No worries, really wasn't that important to watch, just me coming out the bush and spraying the water. What's your take on the whole situation however?

[basil67]

Also, do you know how I can embed the jpeg for the messages case anyone has a virus concern for those? I really want people to read the dialouge. Also if there is a more reputuable site people are comfortable with, let me know and I'll upload and relink them there. Thanks

 

Are there images of anyone on those videos which you're sharing without consent? Do the messages have people's real names? If so, you can't share them.

 

Also, I don't click on hyperlinks from *anywhere* unless I know the person posting it.

 

Suggest you manage without hyperlinks and remove offensive language.

[Jazzo]

Are there images of anyone on those videos which you're sharing without consent? Do the messages have people's real names? If so, you can't share them.

 

Also, I don't click on hyperlinks from *anywhere* unless I know the person posting it.

 

Suggest you manage without hyperlinks and remove offensive language.

 

 

okay, names and any personal information is already osbcured and the video doesn't show any people. Thanks for the input

[amaysngrace]

I’m thinking you want to be inappropriate, maybe subconsciously, because you’re the one who keeps going there and mentioning it.

 

Now you seem bumned because he’s not giving you all his attention.

 

Were you playing out what-ifs in your head before he got there because it sure seems like it?

 

So you masterminded this big long script the night before, did you tell your hubby your plan?

[Mr. Lucky]

I don't have the ability or (frankly) the interest to watch the videos.

 

Just by reading your post, you have a weird symbiotic attachment to "Lewis" that would make me uncomfortable were I your husband.

 

And an awful lot of idle time on your hands...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Tristian]

Moderators Note: The links to the videos discussed have been removed due to possible security concerns as well as possible infringement on our anonymity guidelines.

 

 

OP is welcome to describe their content if crucial to the thread.

[Jazzo]

I’m thinking you want to be inappropriate, maybe subconsciously, because you’re the one who keeps going there and mentioning it.

 

Now you seem bumned because he’s not giving you all his attention.

 

Were you playing out what-ifs in your head before he got there because it sure seems like it?

 

So you masterminded this big long script the night before, did you tell your hubby your plan?

 

 

I didn't want anything inappropriate to happen, otherwise I would have allowed him in the house and play fight like I think he wanted to do. That idea, if thats what he was thinking didn't sit right with me. From the messages, that's what I gathered he wanted to do. I did think about the what if, but only to make sure I wasn't putting myself in a situation I couldn't get out of since I played along with this game and knew he was coming over . I knew I was going to address this outside the house, and not let him in, and I also knew I was gonna drive off and leave him outside the house. For instance , I thought about "what if" he parks in the drive way. Even though, whenever he visits, he always parks on the street, I thought "what if" he pulled in the driveway, I won't be able drive away. At this point I had already felt he was being sketch. Low and behold, that fool pulled all the way into my driveway, so i'm glad I consider those what ifs, and parked in my neighbors driveway. Initially, I told myself he's just playing, we really aint gon fight, he just talking and joking like always. But for some reason, I thought well "what if" he's kinda not playing. Then what could happen. Which then made me decide to address this outside the house, not let him in and then leave.

 

I'm not bummed in any way at him not saying anything, because that's actually normal. Our communication is always public, and the only time he has ever messaged me via FB is when he needs me to relay a message to my husband if he can't reach him. Thus is was odd or him to message me via FB regarding something trivial the first day my husband left home. However, think of who he is, I didn't think too much of it, until he kept initiating contact throughout the day.

 

No, I didn't relay the plan to my husband. However did know he was coming over, as Lewis asked him and my husband gave him permission to get what he needed while i was there. My husband gave me the heads up Lewis was going to stop by. My husband won't do that with any of his other friends, but Lewis he would because of how close they are.

[Jazzo]

I don't have the ability or (frankly) the interest to watch the videos.

 

Just by reading your post, you have a weird symbiotic attachment to "Lewis" that would make me uncomfortable were I your husband.

 

And an awful lot of idle time on your hands...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Your perspective is interesting. I had to look up symbiotic and still somewhat trying to figure out exactly how that type of relationship looks between two humans. Can you expound if you have any insight on what that looks like in a human relationship? Maybe non-sexual admiration possibly? I don't desire or think and never have thought of Lewis sexually and don't personally admire anything about him, other than him being a friend to my husband. Not saying anything bad about him, but nothing stands out and strikes me about him I find intriguing or anything.

 

Once thing I will say, based on some responses that I've gotten, is that I clearly say things that are taken or being received in ways I didn't attend. Many says my words were flirting but flirting is defined as showing false attraction to someone with no serious intentions, and I need said anything that would allude to Lewis that I find him attractive. However, I guess reciprocating jokes and engaging with conversation with someone who feels a certain way about you, could make your responses appear as flirty. Even though Lewis has never said anything like a complement or nothing to me, so I never considered him to be flirting with me. However, how adamant he was on fighting and alluding to this being a physical play fight, made me thing just a little differently.

 

Idle time - I wish, I work too much so I make Friday's my light days..

[Mr. Lucky]

Your perspective is interesting. I had to look up symbiotic and still somewhat trying to figure out exactly how that type of relationship looks between two humans. Can you expound if you have any insight on what that looks like in a human relationship? Maybe non-sexual admiration possibly? I don't desire or think and never have thought of Lewis sexually and don't personally admire anything about him, other than him being a friend to my husband. Not saying anything bad about him, but nothing stands out and strikes me about him I find intriguing or anything.

 

He seems to satisfy something in you no one else does, and you him. And that something is important enough to you that you allot time, energy and emotion to it.

 

Many says my words were flirting but flirting is defined as showing false attraction to someone with no serious intentions

 

Wrong. Flirting is a preliminary activity and takes many forms, not all of which are overtly sexual.

 

Not sure how honest you're being with yourself here. Lewis isn't assuming anything, whether friendship or more, that you're not offering...

 

Mr. Lucky

[amaysngrace]

I don’t understand why you’re friends with someone you have such little trust in. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just make up an excuse and leave whatever he was coming over to get in the mailbox?

 

It seems like you enjoy his attention on some level.

[stillafool]

I agree you want and like his attention. If your husband is out of town, you are thinking Lewis may want to be inappropriate and then you concoct this childish plan that would result in him chasing you? Just doesn't make sense. If your intuition was telling you he may get inappropriate why didn't you just leave whatever it was in the mailbox for him. BTW, what did your husband say about this when you told him?

[Arris]

You seem like a fun person, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I think you know some of the answers already.

If your husband and Lewis are in business together, it's probably best to let Lewis be your husbands friend and business partner and you should detach yourself from getting in between. I keep getting the feeling that maybe things are escalating a little too far. Always trying to do one better, be funnier, and it keeps going.

 

 

If he made you stop and wonder, then you know it's gone too far. I don't know if you want to wonder what his intentions are becoming, if you want to try and find out, but you need to decide.

One thing is for sure, you can't keep behaving the way you have been with him, it's time to set some boundaries, think about it.

 

 

Make sure your husband knows from now on, anytime someone is coming over while you're alone, you need to know in advance. No one should have a key or code to get in. You probably want to tell him to get your permission first.

 

 

Take some time and think about things.

I definitely think it's inappropriate to rough house physically, especially without your husband home and out of town. Even if he was there, the fact it makes you pause, then it's still inappropriate.

You just don't know what effect you have on people sometimes.

[stillafool]

Maybe start by stopping the bantering with Lewis.