Found my wife hiding out to avoid coming home

[gaius]

I think every posters input on this thread is valuable and based on the limited information from which to contribute, some good advice has been provided from multiple points of view. I've also learned that a few members do hide out from their family in their cars, lol, I would never had thought a spouse/parent would do so, but that is based on my own experiences and relationships. To each their own.

Yeah, I had no idea either that hiding out from your spouse in your car was so widespread. Sign of the times I guess.

 

dereng, I can't really find one thing to criticize you about. When your partner is disappearing and not communicating with you about what's going on it's a huge red flag and you were very smart to investigate. I hope you two find a way to reconnect to the point where pretending to be a homeless person, hiding out in the back of a freezing car becomes less appealing than coming home.

[loversquarrel]

OP, I think you are justified in checking up on things as your wife has presented a few behaviors that would cause concern. It seems your wife may have gotten to the point of checking out. It doesn't mean she is cheating but she certainly seems she is pretty close to leaving the marriage.

 

I don't agree with some of the posters who think you have gone overboard as changes in behavior/mood swings/hiding things CAN indicate cheating, but it doesn't necessarily mean she is. I personally would have checked on other things before pinging her phone such as phone bills, bank account, etc.

 

If you have been engaged in controlling behavior for quite some time then your wife's behavior may be a reflection of this. Only you know how you treat your wife and if you're honest with yourself you'll get the answers you need.

[olivetree]

I think people are focusing too much on the hiding out in the car and relating it to their own behaviour without looking at the broader context of your wife's personality change.

 

As others have said, check the phone bill.

You said she is on her phone all the time - does she guard it?

 

If you go to any infidelity website, they will tell you that if your partner is acting suspicious, it's perfectly okay to snoop.

And I agree in these circumstances.

You've asked her what's wrong and she isn't opening up so not sure what choice you really have.

[lana-banana]

I can only speak someone who struggles with depression. There are many possible explanations for what's going on, but this behavior is very possibly indicative of a depressive episode. When I feel overwhelmed and can't cope, I just want to hide from absolutely everyone. Since getting in a relationship and married, I make sure to tell my husband when things are getting bad, but I am sure if I was at an extremely low point I might be tempted to escape somehow. It's not about wanting to be away from your spouse, it's about not wanting to burden anyone else while you struggle with intensely bad feelings.

[preraph]

I think she either lost or quit her job and is hiding it or she's become addicted to something, whether drugs or prescribed painkillers or alcohol. I don't think it's an affair.