Men: Here is how to earn some brownie points with the ladies!

[Cersei]

Hi. Maybe this is a corny thread but oh well. Here goes.

 

I was chit chatting with a friend of mine and we were talking about small, kind gestures men have done that make you melt.

 

Let me tell you, unless I am different than most women, the happier you make us women feel the more we want to get you in bed!

 

I will provide 2 examples and perhaps others want to share kind gestures that they have experienced.

 

1. Boyfriend picked me up in his vehicle. It's really cold here and when I sat down the heated car seat was already warm! Such a thoughtful, selfless thing to do. In the past guys have either sent an "I'm here text" or honked the horn. Lol

 

2. I happened to mention to him that "sometime" I wanted to see a certain movie because it had an actor from a show we both watch. I showed up one night to watch a movie and he had it already qued up and ready to watch. I had forgotten all about that movie to be honest but uhm....we didn't get to that movie for a while. Lol

 

Men: treat your ladies well and they won't be able to keep their hands off you. But don't do it just for sex. Do it because she deserves to be treated great!

[smackie9]

When my husband buys me beer without me asking him It doesn't happen enough tho.

[SophieG]

To me, it’s all the little things. For example:

- When I get ready and he tells me : « You look beautiful... but then again, you always do, even when you wake up »

- Making my coffee in the morning and bringing it to me with a kiss

- Doing an activity he doesn’t necessarily like, just to make me happy

- The way he sometimes looks at me

- Making sure I get home okay during a storm because he can’t sleep without me being home safe

- Being there when I’m going through tough times

 

All those things are free, don’t take much effort, but they are what I remember the most and what males me feel happy and cherished!

[Els]

I love this thread! I agree that the little things really matter, both in dating and in LTRs/marriages. I can't tell you how many times over the years I've gotten annoyed at H for something, then I happened to see something that reminded me of something he did for me, and all of a sudden it doesn't matter anymore that his socks are on the damn living room floor again...

 

Some of the things I can recall off the top of my head:

 

- He always gives me the more comfortable seat when we go out

- When I was stressed with prep the day before our wedding and he made me sleep in while he got up early to sort everything out

- Driving for 2 hours to see me only for a day (back when we were semi-LDR)

- Surprising me with my favourite food at random times, just because

- Waiting up for me to come in to bed for pre-sleep snuggles, if I happen to be busy

[carhill]

Something I learned from my long-married (silver to gold range) male friends is you give her enough to keep her wanting more. Enough stuff, enough love, enough sex. Not too much. Don't gush. Hold it back. It's the want that keeps her in the game. She wants that warm car seat, a chunk of your wealth and lifestyle, a piece your fit body and penis, a squirt of your affirmation and affection.

 

As I recently reflected after another late night with a particular MW (30+ M), I admired her H for his intelligence in not listening to her rants, rather sleeping soundly so he could rake in his big bucks in the medical profession to fund their quite luscious lifestyle, get up early to hit the gym and look like a million bucks (he does, heck I'd marry him if I was gay and he was), etc, etc. She's not going anywhere. Sure, she'll rant and vent but she loves their social status and lifestyle and how people admire them. Seriously. He's got it nailed. Get his big boys breeding and they'll have grandkids and the picture will be complete. Oh, that's another thing, the breeding. Grandkids are great to keep her in the game. Older women love that stuff. They're not going anywhere. Grandpa nods knowingly, little treats for grandma and the tots. Just enough. Maybe a little extra right now at Christmas.

 

That's what smart guys do. Keep them wanting. Just a little out of reach but desired.

 

I was the dumb-ass who got up early to make W breakfast and get her off to work, do the housework when done in the shop, listen to her every complaint, on and on. Totally wrong. Always be the BBD. Have the bigger dick and wallet and keep them wanting them. Just sayin'. It works for every long-married male in my social circle. I was foolish for not paying more attention. If something goes sideways, they can snap up another female as a replacement. Smart.

 

As a young man, I made the mistake of listening to what women wanted, what earned points with them, rather than listening to men who were successful with women regarding how to get what they wanted. Fortunately, this is relatively uncommon.

 

Now I do whatever strikes my mood. No real interest in the game anymore. Hence I don't mind the midnight rants. Help a brother out

[Cersei]

Those are all great examples! I don't think people realize how free things can make you the happiest. Because they are thought out, they mean so much.

 

And sometimes they are not even really thought out. Just a kind person who does a kind thing.

[Highndry]

I used to always do these things with my ex - until her selfishness and "taker-not-a-giver" BPD left me resentful and led to me shutting down. I hope my next gf, should I decide I even want to "go there," appreciates the gestures.

[SophieG]

As I recently reflected after another late night with a particular MW (30+ M), I admired her H for his intelligence in not listening to her rants, rather sleeping soundly so he could rake in his big bucks in the medical profession to fund their quite luscious lifestyle, get up early to hit the gym and look like a million bucks (he does, heck I'd marry him if I was gay and he was), etc, etc. She's not going anywhere. Sure, she'll rant and vent but she loves their social status and lifestyle

 

...

 

I was the dumb-ass who got up early to make W breakfast and get her off to work, do the housework when done in the shop, listen to her every complaint, on and on. Totally wrong. Always be the BBD. Have the bigger dick and wallet and keep them wanting them. Just sayin'. It works for every long-married male in my social circle. I was foolish for not paying more attention. If something goes sideways, they can snap up another female as a replacement. Smart.

 

As a young man, I made the mistake of listening to what women wanted, what earned points with them, rather than listening to men who were successful with women regarding how to get what they wanted. Fortunately, this is relatively uncommon.

 

That would simply not work with me! I’ll take a man who cooks me breakfast, does some chores, listen to me, over a man with money, gym body and a great social status! I’m making more than my boyfriend, I’m more educated than he is (more diplomas, he stopped after high school and I have a master’s degree) and it is perfect for me. I’ll take a good loving, caring man over a rich one everytime. I don’t care about money or social status, I care about how the other person treats me.

[Highndry]

That would simply not work with me! I’ll take a man who cooks me breakfast, does some chores, listen to me, over a man with money, gym body and a great social status! I’m making more than my boyfriend, I’m more educated than he is (more diplomas, he stopped after high school and I have a master’s degree) and it is perfect for me. I’ll take a good loving, caring man over a rich one everytime. I don’t care about money or social status, I care about how the other person treats me.

 

 

Unfortunately, SophieG, you're a rarity in this day and age. It's a shame, but the truth.

[SophieG]

Unfortunately, SophieG, you're a rarity in this day and age. It's a shame, but the truth.

 

Maybe! At first, my boyfriend thought we wouldn’t work simply because he’s a truck driver and i’m a therapist... he kept seeing us as « from two different worlds », kept saying I would probably be happier with a doctor or engineer. He got to know me and realized that to me, education is not and never will be a reflection of the person worth. I know people with money who are complete a-holes. So as I said, I’ll ALWAYS take someone with a good and honest heart, over someone with a big wallet.

[Cersei]

I used to always do these things with my ex - until her selfishness and "taker-not-a-giver" BPD left me resentful and led to me shutting down. I hope my next gf, should I decide I even want to "go there," appreciates the gestures.

 

No idea what BPD is but in any case sadly there will always be selfish takers that ruin it for us decent girls. Best of luck finding someone once you are ready.

[fred123]

Maybe! At first, my boyfriend thought we wouldn’t work simply because he’s a truck driver and i’m a therapist... he kept seeing us as « from two different worlds », kept saying I would probably be happier with a doctor or engineer. He got to know me and realized that to me, education is not and never will be a reflection of the person worth. I know people with money who are complete a-holes. So as I said, I’ll ALWAYS take someone with a good and honest heart, over someone with a big wallet.

 

he was probably hot which is more imp to women than money and status! lol

[thefooloftheyear]

Oh, God...Not another one of these threads....

 

There will be legions of guys say they do all that stuff all the time, yet the women always are most attracted to the douchebags that treat them bad, or at the very least aren't buried up their behinds..

 

Do yourselves a favor, guys...Just be yourself...No need to do all that stuff for so called "brownie points", because at the end of the day it doesn't matter for shyt...There isn't a woman alive that would be won over by any of it, if there wasn't an attraction in the first place..

 

TFY

[elaine567]

No idea what BPD is but in any case sadly there will always be selfish takers that ruin it for us decent girls. Best of luck finding someone once you are ready.

 

 

BPD is Borderlne Personality Disorder, it is a mental health problem.

[SophieG]

he was probably hot which is more imp to women than money and status! lol

 

Well of course there is physical attraction, but he is no GQ model. Why would you be with someone you don’t find attractive?!

[Cersei]

Well of course there is physical attraction, but he is no GQ model. Why would you be with someone you don’t find attractive?!

 

Exactly. You have to be attracted to someone at least a little bit.

 

And if you are only a little bit attracted to them nice little gestures definately make them more attractive.

[SophieG]

Exactly. You have to be attracted to someone at least a little bit.

 

And if you are only a little bit attracted to them nice little gestures definately make them more attractive.

 

Of course! And the hotness factor is not what’s going to keep me in the relationship. I won’t accept shi**y behaviors because the guy is hot, I won’t be more tolerant with him because he has a great body. I’ll take an average looking guy that makes me feel special over an handsome jerk.

[some_username1]

I used to always do these things with my ex - until her selfishness and "taker-not-a-giver" BPD left me resentful and led to me shutting down. I hope my next gf, should I decide I even want to "go there," appreciates the gestures.

 

Yep. If life was a Disney movie then this thread would be full of great advice.

 

Sadly there will be many a man (like myself) that just caj't relate because we do nice things for women but the majority of the female population just don't know how to handle a guy who knows how to treat them right.

[Trail Blazer]

I used to always do these things with my ex - until her selfishness and "taker-not-a-giver" BPD left me resentful and led to me shutting down. I hope my next gf, should I decide I even want to "go there," appreciates the gestures.

 

Agreed. It only works if the receiver feels that gratitude is important.

[Shining One]

My experience has taught me that if a woman is sexually interested in you, none of these gestures are "necessary". If a woman is not sexually interested in you, you could do all of the sweet gestures in the world and it would make no difference. The advice I would give to my younger self is to hold back on these sorts of gestures until after the relationship becomes sexual.

[Lorenza]

If a guy could just hear me out without suggesting a solution to my "problem", that would be freaking great. Apple pie points for him. I hate it when men try to fix things, when the only thing they need to do is to tap me on the shoulder and say "there there, it will be ok". Guess that's an internal clash of philosophies when it comes to men and women

[Art Anderson]

One key thing here is these examples are experienced with men you already decided you like and welcome their company. When it's early in the dating game, if you are sitting on the fence about a guy and certainly not under the same roof, 90% of those things either don't come into play or don't earn "points."

[Trail Blazer]

Something I learned from my long-married (silver to gold range) male friends is you give her enough to keep her wanting more. Enough stuff, enough love, enough sex. Not too much. Don't gush. Hold it back. It's the want that keeps her in the game. She wants that warm car seat, a chunk of your wealth and lifestyle, a piece your fit body and penis, a squirt of your affirmation and affection.

 

As I recently reflected after another late night with a particular MW (30+ M), I admired her H for his intelligence in not listening to her rants, rather sleeping soundly so he could rake in his big bucks in the medical profession to fund their quite luscious lifestyle, get up early to hit the gym and look like a million bucks (he does, heck I'd marry him if I was gay and he was), etc, etc. She's not going anywhere. Sure, she'll rant and vent but she loves their social status and lifestyle and how people admire them. Seriously. He's got it nailed. Get his big boys breeding and they'll have grandkids and the picture will be complete. Oh, that's another thing, the breeding. Grandkids are great to keep her in the game. Older women love that stuff. They're not going anywhere. Grandpa nods knowingly, little treats for grandma and the tots. Just enough. Maybe a little extra right now at Christmas.

 

That's what smart guys do. Keep them wanting. Just a little out of reach but desired.

 

I was the dumb-ass who got up early to make W breakfast and get her off to work, do the housework when done in the shop, listen to her every complaint, on and on. Totally wrong. Always be the BBD. Have the bigger dick and wallet and keep them wanting them. Just sayin'. It works for every long-married male in my social circle. I was foolish for not paying more attention. If something goes sideways, they can snap up another female as a replacement. Smart.

 

As a young man, I made the mistake of listening to what women wanted, what earned points with them, rather than listening to men who were successful with women regarding how to get what they wanted. Fortunately, this is relatively uncommon.

 

Now I do whatever strikes my mood. No real interest in the game anymore. Hence I don't mind the midnight rants. Help a brother out

 

I'm hearing you, brother! I'm a victim of the same mistake. Trying to do too much. Despite being "assured" that women want a sweet guy who treats them right over "a jerk with money and/or looks" I'm struggling to not call it BS. There's a very fine line between being sweet and those actions coming off as desperation. As soon as women get a whiff of desperation, they're seemingly turned off.

 

Instead of "upping my game" I'm simply changing my game. I'm going to work on defining who I want to be first and foremost. The right people will then be attracted and I'll continue being who I am. Of course it's in my nature to do the right thing, but a better balance needs to be struck between being supportive and a good provider (if she doesn't earn a lot of money herself) and being your own man who SHE cannot afford to lose.

[5x5]

If a guy could just hear me out without suggesting a solution to my "problem", that would be freaking great. Apple pie points for him. I hate it when men try to fix things, when the only thing they need to do is to tap me on the shoulder and say "there there, it will be ok". Guess that's an internal clash of philosophies when it comes to men and women

 

Such things are an issue of personality not gender.

 

My wife isn't the type who likes "there there, it will be ok" on the receiving end, and is mostly not inclined to offer such platitudes to others either.

[Shining One]

If a guy could just hear me out without suggesting a solution to my "problem", that would be freaking great. Apple pie points for him. I hate it when men try to fix things, when the only thing they need to do is to tap me on the shoulder and say "there there, it will be ok".

A female friend and coworker said the same thing to me a while back. One day shortly afterward as she was preparing to leave work, her car wouldn't start. I came downstairs, put my hand on her shoulder, and said "it will be alright". She was not amused.

 

Sometimes women want a guy to just listen. Sometimes they want their problem solved. I've been burned for both by guessing incorrectly which one she wanted at that time.