Men: Here is how to earn some brownie points with the ladies!

[some_username1]

"these things should be a reward for a woman that treats you well"

Well it sounds like you are training a dog not dealing with a grown woman. It's just my 2 cents though.

 

This thread has not taken the route I thought it would. Lol

I was hoping to hear more cutesy stories.

 

Perhaps, for the men, there aren't any! ?

[chillii]

Ahhh, funny thread.

And we fellas could tell some women how to score some brownie points with us too and what makes us want you sticking around as apposed to dining and running.

 

We like to be made happy and all feel good too.

Amazing really.

[some_username1]

Ahhh, funny thread.

And we fellas could tell some women how to score some brownie points with us too and what makes us want you sticking around as apposed to dining and running.

 

We like to be made happy and all feel good too.

Amazing really.

 

But I'll bet we only need two lines to summarise what women can do to make us happy rather than bullet pointed paragraphs!

[BettyDraper]

I've known this for some time, but I haven't always adhered to it. It was my intention to do just that after my separation. Then, the rest wad history. I got with my current gf, I got caught up in this whirlwind romance of a stunning woman giving me all the sex I could have dreamed of, then the rug was pulled from under me while I was desperately trying to do more to reignite what was lost.

 

I'm already focusing on me. We haven't broken up yet as you know, but my time is now getting focused on myself. Who knows, perhaps she'll fall back in love with the new me, who conversely was a bit more like the me she first met. Either way, whatever happens, I'm not falling into that trap again.

 

I'm envious of the people like yourself who seemingly have all areas of your life in check.

 

I'm a work in progress. We all are in some way.

 

I don't think you're doing poorly. You show awareness which is more than I can say for many others.

 

You're a decent man as well. Remember that you're a good catch.

[Els]

I think these generous "little" acts of generosity and thoughtfulness help sustain a good relationship.

 

But thoughtful actions in themselves don't ignite interest in the absence of other feelings of attraction.

 

I've never ignited a woman's fire (or had my fire ignited) by thoughtful deeds and attentiveness. And once I fell into the doghouse with a woman, doing these little deeds did not get me out of the doghouse. One sign that a relationship is in serious trouble is when one or both partners feel so disenchanted that they can't really credit their partner for being generous.

 

The upset partner sees the good act. It intellectually registers on them, but their hearts feel nothing. We've all seen relationships caught in this dynamic.

 

These little actions only carry power if they are done simply to take care of the other person, done for the pleasure of knowing someone you love will derive happiness from it.

 

You don't do these things to win anyone over.

 

 

I agree with the bolded.

 

 

As for the rest of your post, of course. Little things that you do for your partner can and do give the relationship a huge boost, but they're not going to magically fix severe, underlying issues in the relationship. This goes for any relationship comprising people of any gender, really.

[Cersei]

Ahhh, funny thread.

And we fellas could tell some women how to score some brownie points with us too and what makes us want you sticking around as apposed to dining and running.

 

We like to be made happy and all feel good too.

Amazing really.

 

Oh hey for sure do tell us how. I think I do pretty well but my ears are open.

 

And not all of us women dine and run. Sounds like many of you guys have found yourselves some real winners!

[Garcon1986]

Cersei a few good points for women to earn brownie points with men are -

 

- being direct with what you want, and not expecting your man to read your mind unless you teach him how. Case in point - woman says, do you notice anything new about me? Man says no. Woman gets frustrated because she spent 100$ on a haircut. Argument goes downhill. Haircut looks delicious, but either way, the man didn't notice that the hair was one inch shorter.

 

- when a man tries to provide solutions to something a woman dislikes about her relationship (I.e. we need to talk), the man is rebuffed and accused of not listening. If a man is trying some of the time to provide solutions, and some of the times he's just listening because the woman wants a listening ear rather than actual solutions - he's already doing pretty well =) Men like it when they are not rebuffed for providing solutions.

[Cersei]

Thanks Garcon. By the way your name auto corrected to "bears in" lol.

 

I think being direct is tough for a lot of girls. It should not be tough but It can be especially in the early stages of a relationship when you are still getting to know each other. We often try to spare people's feelings and it comes back to bite us in the arse! Our feelings often come out the wrong way. Ex. You didn't even notice my 100 haircut?

 

Note to self: be direct!

[Garcon1986]

Haha I will take it as a compliment that I am like a bear.

[LoverOfDance]

Woggle, your choice of words is what gets you in trouble on this thread. The good things you do for your wife should not be a "reward" for her actions towards you. Your wife is not a pet.

 

You say your reward method works for you but try telling your wife that you bought her flowers because she cleaned the house the day before and see how she reacts. In fact, every time you do something good for her, always tell her what she is being rewarded for. Soon, you'll start to see how weird and ridiculous this reward method is.

 

You should do good and thoughtful things for your wife because you CARE for her, simple.

[Els]

 

This thread has not taken the route I thought it would. Lol

I was hoping to hear more cutesy stories.

 

 

Really? This thread went exactly the way I expected it would, lol.

 

 

I commend you for starting it though. I enjoyed reading the posts that responded to your invitation.

[Garcon1986]

Let's get it back on topic.

 

With my ex, I used to send her cards, help with the breakfast, and always show up at home when I said I would show up at home. It wasn't for the purposes of "training a pet" - I did it because I adored my ex with all my heart. I got lots of affection and really wild sex with a great view in return. I wasn't doing it in exchange for sex specifically - but because I wanted to be my ex's cookie monster to her cookie. That I think is crucial.

[Lorenza]

Once I had a tough 8 hours exam and during a break, my ex came over with a nasty, greasy pizza, which we ate on the floor in the corridor.

Also, when we were visiting one European city, he spent a few hours looking for a shop that we passed by and where I saw a lonely looking handmade teddy bear (I'm disgustingly sentimental) and later regretted not buying it, but we didn't quite remember where exactly the shop was. He found it and got me the bear. I still cherish it, even though we broke up a long time ago.

 

So there you go, some lame stories but it meant a lot to me.

[Cersei]

Lorenzo the bear story is adorable. What a sweet guy.

[Els]

Also, when we were visiting one European city, he spent a few hours looking for a shop that we passed by and where I saw a lonely looking handmade teddy bear (I'm disgustingly sentimental) and later regretted not buying it, but we didn't quite remember where exactly the shop was. He found it and got me the bear. I still cherish it, even though we broke up a long time ago.

 

 

 

So there you go, some lame stories but it meant a lot to me.

 

 

That's pretty sweet!

 

 

One day H will finally be able to get me a stuffed gremlin from the arcade machine that has been evading him for ages. I have faith in him!

[losangelena]

I think we (hopefully) all have charming anecdotes of current or past relationships.

 

I got to my ex’s place one time and he had waiting for me all the ingredients for my favorite drink. That was very sweet. Another time we were in SF for a wedding, and we were driving through the city to get to an ice cream shop we wanted to try. We were at a stoplight still many blocks from our destination, and he jumps out of the car and says, “I’ll meet you over there.” Twenty minutes later I’m sitting outside the ice cream place, and he runs up with a huge bouquet of flowers and says, “ I saw these and had to get them for you.”

 

So yes, some very charming things. It’s bittersweet to think of these things, because it almost makes me miss him, however it also makes me think of all the bad parts, like the way it was pulling teeth to get him to let me leave my things at his place, or his chronic lateness, or his inability to have product conversations, or that he sometimes ignored me completely for hours because he was pc gaming. Ya know, things like that.

[eleanorrigby]

In my world, all the brownie point stuff is useless if I’m not getting some specific need/s met. In fact it tends to piss me off.

 

I don’t want a cup of coffee brought to me in the morning, I want XYZ, that thing I’ve been asking for for 25 years.

Put the dishrag down, I don’t need your help in the kitchen, I’d like XYZ, the thing you know I want but won’t give me. F*ck off with your kitchen help.

 

Give me what I’ve been begging for and all the brownie point crap will start to be appreciated, if not, just stop with all the little BS honey-do’s that I never, ever asked for.

[Serotonine]

Imagine if I wrote here about women earning brownie points with men (cooking,cleaning the house etc)-I would be accused of misogyny straight away.

 

But it is somehow normal to indoctrinate naive and unexperienced men into submissive behaviour. Hmmmm.

[Lorenza]

So yes, some very charming things. It’s bittersweet to think of these things, because it almost makes me miss him, however it also makes me think of all the bad parts,

 

Same! The bear story almost made me tear up, but then I remembered how we had a heated argument on the very same trip, when he met up with his penpal "for a coffee", which turned into him insisting we change our travel plans to travel with her, and getting upset because I didn't want to

[Lorenza]

Imagine if I wrote here about women earning brownie points with men (cooking,cleaning the house etc)-I would be accused of misogyny straight away.

 

But it is somehow normal to indoctrinate naive and unexperienced men into submissive behaviour. Hmmmm.

 

Victim mentality? Yes, it's not limited to women only

Why not just come to a thread about what women thought was a sweet gesture and be like "but what about meeen, what about misogynyyy". Lol

 

And no, I don't think it would be horrible to express that you appreciated your partner cleaning and cooking. It's all about if you truly genuinly appreciate it, or just feel entitled to it.

[Woggle]

Woggle, your choice of words is what gets you in trouble on this thread. The good things you do for your wife should not be a "reward" for her actions towards you. Your wife is not a pet.

 

You say your reward method works for you but try telling your wife that you bought her flowers because she cleaned the house the day before and see how she reacts. In fact, every time you do something good for her, always tell her what she is being rewarded for. Soon, you'll start to see how weird and ridiculous this reward method is.

 

You should do good and thoughtful things for your wife because you CARE for her, simple.

 

It isn't like that at all. I do good things for my wife because I care for her but I care for her in large part because she knows how to treat a man. It isn't a reward for reward system.

[thefooloftheyear]

In my world, all the brownie point stuff is useless if I’m not getting some specific need/s met. In fact it tends to piss me off.

 

I don’t want a cup of coffee brought to me in the morning, I want XYZ, that thing I’ve been asking for for 25 years.

Put the dishrag down, I don’t need your help in the kitchen, I’d like XYZ, the thing you know I want but won’t give me. F*ck off with your kitchen help.

 

Give me what I’ve been begging for and all the brownie point crap will start to be appreciated, if not, just stop with all the little BS honey-do’s that I never, ever asked for.

 

 

Great post....I love this attitude...

 

I don't want to be mean, but you get some guys(and I know some), that have been so starved of p***y, that they wind up turning into spineless "yes, dear" types, that come up with all sorts of these little things to earn brownie points.....Its pathetic...

 

TFY

[Cersei]

Great post....I love this attitude...

 

I don't want to be mean, but you get some guys(and I know some), that have been so starved of p***y, that they wind up turning into spineless "yes, dear" types, that come up with all sorts of these little things to earn brownie points.....Its pathetic...

 

TFY

 

I think what some of you men are failing to see is this....If you don't make me happy and I am mad at you you ain't seeing my pu--y dude. When you do nice things for me I want to go out of my way to put a smile on your face.

[Els]

Victim mentality? Yes, it's not limited to women only

Why not just come to a thread about what women thought was a sweet gesture and be like "but what about meeen, what about misogynyyy". Lol

 

And no, I don't think it would be horrible to express that you appreciated your partner cleaning and cooking. It's all about if you truly genuinly appreciate it, or just feel entitled to it.

 

 

Right! I mean, if it bothers you so much that there's no thread about nice things that women have done for men, why not just start your own instead of pooh-poohing someone else's?

[Veronica73]

I think the “brownie point” thing is rubbing people the wrong way, like Woggle’s “reward” thing is. Which is understandable. It seems like the OP is mostly asking for sweet, kind, caring gestures the men in our lives do for us. Or at least that’s the way I’m choosing to take it.

 

One thing my ex-husband did, which I loved... was he always, ALWAYS, even to this day even though he is now an ex, called me when he said he would call me. He’s never, not as long as I’ve known him, not called or texted when he said he would. And when I call him or text him, he always gets back to me right away. And when we were dating, at the end of our dates before we parted ways, he would either set up the next time we would see each other or he would tell me when he would call to set up our next date. He was 100% reliable and direct. No guessing games. He made it clear I was wanted and cared for and that I could count on him.

 

Another thing. We both really like ribeye steaks. If we went out to eat and he got a ribeye and I got something else, he’d always offer me a bite from the best part of the steak, even though it’s the smallest part of the steak.