Realistic Tinder photo's versus selling yourself short.

[bbcc10192]

26 year old Male here. I don't believe in just putting up your best pictures on Tinder. Even if they are not photo-shoots or well-angled selfies.... we all have photo's which we look really good and others where we don't look quite as good. If you just go with your best photo's, you may not be giving an overall accurate representation and therefore creating an insecure feeling that your date won't like you. And even if the first date goes well (after a number of drinks maybe), there is the feeling of ''what if they see me in a more natural state that is not as well dressed up and a bit more sober''.

 

So I have used Tinder pretty frequently for the past 3 years. I swipe right quite a lot and always use my daily swipe allowance.... sometimes I have been reasonably successful on it (1/2 matches per day, okay response rate, and 1 or 2 dates every now and then), other times I only get 1 or 2 matches per week which go nowhere. And this fluctuation occurs when I have experimented with different photo's.

 

So earlier this month I did a test run. I put up 2 really good photo's and one other ''okay'' photo where I wasn't looking as handsome. I still did okay on match/response return.

 

BUT..... the other night one of my friends took a photo of me when we were moving furniture on public transport. It was a funny photo, as I was sitting down on a couch in the middle of a train, even when I put it on FB then everyone found it funny. It wasn't my best side of me in terms of appearance, but it was a completely natural photo with a bit of humor in it so I decided to add it to my profile.

 

Since I added it, I have only received two matches in the past 4 days. One of them unmatched me, and the other didn't reply. I have swiped like I always have.

 

What I want to add here is that I have actually been told my a few people over the years that I ''look different'' in all my photo's. So for me this feeling of uncertainty when it comes to photo's is particularly relevant, and it isn't just ''all in my head''.

[preraph]

I still think you're better off putting different ones, but not any where you don't look like yourself, whether for better or worse.

[bbcc10192]

I still think you're better off putting different ones, but not any where you don't look like yourself, whether for better or worse.

 

Exactly the point I made at the end though..... I have been told by others that I look different in my photo's.

 

It just seems I have a really inconsistent look in photo's (maybe also in real life) which leads to confusion and uncertainty.

[Garcon1986]

Two realities of Tinder and any other dating service which sells only by profile photo:

 

If you are hot you get swiped. If not, then you are out of luck. It's all about the sex appeal.

 

You should look as close as possible to your profile pics - female commentary on how you look different, is the exact same thing as men being disappointed in the duck face or Instagram filter photos that countless women post online in an effort to look cute.

[bbcc10192]

Two realities of Tinder and any other dating service which sells only by profile photo:

 

If you are hot you get swiped. If not, then you are out of luck. It's all about the sex appeal.

 

You should look as close as possible to your profile pics - female commentary on how you look different, is the exact same thing as men being disappointed in the duck face or Instagram filter photos that countless women post online in an effort to look cute.

 

Could you elaborate or rephrase the last sentence please? I'm just not sure if I fully got it.

[Sarah_Smiles]

I prefer everyday life photos over staged ones anyhow and don't like a whole lot of selfie shots, people doing sports, hanging with friends or family, pets in nature I prefer over just a selfie that was probably taken 10 times before it went up, lol. I always like a natural smile, not a forced one, or a laughing with friends shot over a pouty forced one. Anything that gives you a glimpse into what a night out with them would be like is the best.

[Garcon1986]

- woman complains about man not looking like his tinder photos.

 

that's the same thing as:

- man complaining about woman using lots of photo filters to make herself look good, when she actually doesn't look like that on a daily basis.

 

The take home is that you will get comments like that from your dates if you look very different from your photos. One pitfall is dressing up just for your profile photos when you don't do so in real life. I suggest closing the gap.

[bbcc10192]

- woman complains about man not looking like his tinder photos.

 

that's the same thing as:

- man complaining about woman using lots of photo filters to make herself look good, when she actually doesn't look like that on a daily basis.

 

The take home is that you will get comments like that from your dates if you look very different from your photos. One pitfall is dressing up just for your profile photos when you don't do so in real life. I suggest closing the gap.

 

I have had many dates from my 'good' Tinder profile photo's which have went well... had a ONS stand even a few weeks ago which came from Tinder.

 

However, alcohol has been involved on a few of these dates. And while these girls haven't ghosted me or become overly distant after the first date.... there is an underlying fear that ''what if they see me when I'm not as well dressed and my hair is a mess''. etc. I just know that if they saw me in another light they would probably be thinking ''woah, what was I thinking in finding him so attractive during our date''.

 

Hence why I get very edgy and insecure when I put up a new photo of me (such as the one on the train) and get no matches. What if the girl I had the ONS stand with saw me that day on the train, would she be also swiping left in her head then? You know what I mean

Edited December 16, 2018 by bbcc10192

[Garcon1986]

Well that's always a risk in dating mate, we all have to take that risk. You could do well in decreasing your number of dates with one night drunk stands. That will decrease the risk of people finding you hot only when they are drunk.

[bbcc10192]

Well that's always a risk in dating mate, we all have to take that risk. You could do well in decreasing your number of dates with one night drunk stands. That will decrease the risk of people finding you hot only when they are drunk.

 

Yeah, I think you have nailed it on the head here and cleared things up for me.

 

I should just stick to the photo's that get me matches (as long as they do resemble me IRL to some degree).

 

But for a more accurate understanding of where I stand with these girls, I should make sure to have a sober first date or else a sober second date.

 

Thanks for the guidance

Edited December 16, 2018 by bbcc10192

[an0nym0us123]

Dont see why you would put "worse" photos up, the more women you can meet in real life, i.e. go on a date with the better. When you meet in real life you are relying on more than just looks.

 

You put up a silly photo and it puts someone off you who might in fact be blown away by you when you meet.

 

I also dont find filters appealing at all. Neither do photos of people jumping out of aeroplanes or riding an elephant do anything to make them more attractive. But thats just me

[I'veseenbetterlol]

When I was single, I never posted any edited photos of myself. Sometimes I'm not photogenic, so I do pick the better ones of myself. Looks aren't the only thing that matters when meeting in person. If you look completely different then there's an issue but otherwise choosing photos is better then slapping whatever on your profile.