All you need is love! Or is it? : Do we Need to be Loved?

[Israfil]

The following quote (from http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t70371/) made me think of love and our seeming dependence on it.

 

I have a huge fear of not being loved in life. My friends and bf loving me gives me everything i need in life, without the love and support of my man and my friends, o, and my mum to, i dont know what i would do!!! :love:

 

Do we need to be loved? Do we need to love?

 

Is it something that we crave in order to escape our inability to be on our own? Do we use love as a crutch not to face our fears?

 

Or is love something that we need in order not to die – like water, like air?

[Outcast]

According to Maslow, love and belongingness needs are third after biological and physical needs and safety needs.

 

I don't expect to be loved. It would be nice, but it isn't necessary. I do, however, need to love.

[mental_traveller]

I don't need to be loved, and definitely don't need to love. It would be nice but it's not a necessity, not like food or water. There are quite a few things I'd rank higher.

[whichwayisup]

it's not a necessity, not like food or water.

 

I disagree. Whether it's love from a parent or love from a partner, WE all need to have love and give love freely.

 

It's basic human nature to NEED. And love is part of that equation.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[Art_Critic]

It's basic human nature to NEED. And love is part of that equation.

Right WWIU ..

 

Receiving love is just as important as giving love

 

It's all part of our make-up as emotional humans

[d'Arthez]

What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do?? - Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Do we need to be loved?

Formally no of course. You can live without being loved. But - and that is the beauty and curse of our human existence - we deeply crave for emotional (and physical) connections with others.

Humans are social creatures, and it shows in their need for approval and acceptance by others. You can argue that the fear of isolation is one of the strongest fear in humans. Being loved is the most sure way of knowing that you are not on your own. That you can fall back on others if necessary to support you.

We desire to be acknowledged in our existence, be considered a good person to be around. To escape the isolation which seems so characteristic of our lives.

 

It is no wonder, that love is often considered to be (I am not saying that it is true) beyond free will - that it happens involuntarily to us. As if love exists strictly separated from ordinary life. I believe that love is more or less an extension of the way we live our lifes.

 

Do we need to love?

No. We can "choose" to hate too. Or to be indifferent. Of course the freedom of choice is highly debatable in matters like this. And to love someone, and some things or activities is a necessary part of our lifes. Without love all becomes meaningless, a plain performing of our duties until we die.

Whether it is love for music, a particular person (and with that all of humankind), or an exotic animal that lives on the US-Canadian border near Alaska, it all fulfills the basic function - to give meaning to live.

 

Is it something that we crave in order to escape our inability to be on our own?

No, unless of course someone has issues with regards to be on his / her own. To be unable to talk with oneself, but always full of the need to have others around him / her. We can be on our own, but a lot of us are frightened to face the reality of our existences.

 

Do we use love as a crutch not to face our fears?

Some people use it as a crutch. But that is not love. That is "loving" a person because it makes your own weaknesses disappear, irrelevant, or because you have caught such a strong man / woman.

But it may also work the other way around. That you desperately try to convince yourself you love a person because he or she has these qualities. Sometimes the wallet of a person is considered a quality of that person too; that is why many unhappy (wo)men do not opt for the divorce. Further complications can arise from the legal system. That you lose out on half the things you "own" when you do divorce. But that is telling more of the mindset of the persons in the marriage than of the law on these points.

 

Or is love something that we need in order not to die ? like water, like air?

It is something that we need in order not to go insane.

[quankanne]

do we need love? Yes. Do we need to share love? Yes. It's the stuff that acts as a kind of oil or lubricant to ease the workings of interpersonal relationships.

 

because we are created by Someone who loves us, love is residual in us, and follows that we are compelled to share it. Whether we do is another story.

 

can we live without love? Intellectually, yes. However, I've heard stories about orphanages in Eastern Europe that were run pretty much like puppy mills. The childrens' physical needs were met, but because there aren't enough caretakers at these places, emotional interaction is very limited, and these kids suffered from the lack of love, showing detachment in interpersonal relationships. So, I'd say overall, that no, we cannot live without love.

[Outcast]

It is something that we need in order not to go insane

 

I know fairly solitary people who are in no danger of going insane.

[d'Arthez]

I know fairly solitary people who are in no danger of going insane.

Yes - but they "love" their solitude. They do not hate it. If they would hate it, they would go insane, if they could not change their life in a more pleasant direction then.

[bluechocolate]

- we deeply crave for emotional (and physical) connections with others.

 

I think this is an important aspect of love for some people. We love our partner, our families, our friends, our countries and that gives us a sense of belonging & the security of living within a community.

 

We are, for the most part, social creatures & love is a good lubricant to maintain the peace & social fabric. Imagine a world where there was no love towards infants, our own or anyone elses. What kind of an impact would that have on such a society? I think we, universally across all cultures, have emotions for a reason. Just because we can exist without them doesn't mean they're unecessary. We know that emotions have direct affects on our brains & our behaviour, I think they must have a purpose.

 

Certainly love is not necessary to maintain a standard of care, but on the whole I think it is necessary for any kind of cohesive society.

[d'Arthez]

I think this is an important aspect of love for some people. We love our partner, our families, our friends, our countries and that gives us a sense of belonging & the security of living within a community.

Yes. But to love is not to be confused or similar to a state where you have blinders on. With regards to your partner, your family, your friends, your country, or yourself. However, it seems like it often happens, that we are blind to our mistakes, the flaws of our partner et cetera. But is that loving yourself or your partner, or deceiving yourself?

 

The sense of belonging in a community is very important. I would guess that it also plays a role in people who immigrate from one country to another. And try to be close to one another, so they can relate more easily to others in a new situation which is often hostile, or at least perceived at hostile.

 

I think we, universally across all cultures, have emotions for a reason. Just because we can exist without them doesn't mean they're unecessary. We know that emotions have direct affects on our brains & our behaviour, I think they must have a purpose.

Emotions are a expression of a rational state (sadness, joy, anger), in a a-rational way. You cannot be joyful if you see your beloved mother die, before your eyes, in an accident - rationally speaking, and emotionally speaking you would have only a few possible reactions available to you.

[Outcast]

Actually emotions are part of the limbic brain which evolved before rationality.

[d'Arthez]

Actually emotions are part of the limbic brain which evolved before rationality.

That is a statement that can be debated ad infinitum. Of course, emotions are part of the limbic system, which developed before the other areas of the brain which are associated with logic and the application of the concept of rationality (in humans).

 

But that does not mean that emotions are irrational, or cannot serve a rational purpose; or cannot be an expression of rationality itself (Hegel). If an animal conveys the emotion of fear (because of a threat), the emotion serves the rational purpose, of making certain the the threat does not go unnoticed to other members of the species. It is one of the ways an animal has to communicate with other animals, and an efficient one, given the lack of speech.

 

Of course, that is a far shot from formal logic, or formal rationality. Both of which are not mastered by animals.

 

We are under the lucky circumstances that we do have more means of communication to our disposal than other animals. We can talk. Since a few thousand years we have written languages. Since 129 years a telephone. Since a few years the internet and mobile phones. But that does not or has not changed the basic nature of emotions.

 

How many people have difficulty to read the body language of another person? Why is that? Is that because body language is irrational, or totally unrelated to the thoughts and ideas that a person has about the situation he or she is in? If so, it would be utterly impossible to ever read body language correctly on more than a chance basis. We could not distinguish between a happy or a mourning individual then. Or is it because some of us lack the knowledge, skill and detachment to read it properly?

[seahorse]

I definitely need to love and be loved. I never feel so emotionally secure as when I know I am loved, and love.

I love my children, and I know they love/need me, but there are different kinds of love.

When my marriage broke up, I was in a kind of bereavement for about 18 months, but eventually I met and loved someone else. That turned out to be a mistake...a sort of emotional rebound...and I learned from it.

I'm now in a secure relationship with a fantastic man and very happy, but accept that not everyone is the same.

[RecordProducer]

I want to love and be loved. But not superficially by many friends; rather deeply by my children, parents (that will never change), and partner. Those three loves comprise a great share of my happiness. I couldn't be happy without love. Love is most important to me although I am passionate about many other things in my life.