Johnson1 Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 (edited) I just recently started dating this woman a week ago. We are VERY close. We talk to each other every day throughout the day, spent all of the last two weekends together and make plans to do things like take trips. I've known her sporadically for a few years because she dated a guy I knew (not the guy she's in contact with now), then one night we hooked up. I just bought us a Christmas tree and we're going to spend Christmas together. She said she already bought me a little something. Her and I are going over my mom's house for Christmas Eve. I told her that I really care about her and she said she feels the same. She seems to be very smitten. On our second date she told me she just has a few loose ends to tie up with her ex of 4 months. She told me that they were engaged when they were 18, but she broke it off because he cheated. Recently they hooked back up, but he's married and she told me she dumped him because he won't give up on her (and also because she says he won't communicate his feelings). She told me she's done with him. He still has some of his things still over her house though. Therein lies the problem. She's showed me the text of her saying it isn't going to work out between them and she told me she texted him and asked him if he still wants his stuff (his guitar and a printer), but he never replied back (this was days ago). She also told me that he can't deal with her medical issues and that's another reason she broke it off. She makes it sound like he doesnt want her because of that, but today she showed me that he texted her a pic of some Walmart bags on a floor because they had this thing where one day he looked down at her floor and noticed a pile of them on her floor when they were together, so he reenacted it and put a sad face. She wasn't phased and was just like 'pffft....whatever'. I asked her if she was going to text him back, but she said no. She says he probably just wants to be friends. I guess she wants to ignore him. I know nothing is going to be resolved until there's an answer between them as far as his things. I know he using it as an excuse to hold onto her. I don't know what she's waiting for. She hasn't told him we're together. I don't think she wants him, but I think she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. She showed me that she blocked him on Facebook. I'm thinking because she doesn't want him to know that she has a new boyfriend. She told me the only reason why he has it is to stalk her and what she does. There was a pic of us together the night we hooked up and she tagged me, but hid it from her page. She told me I have nothing to worry about, and if she sees that It's bothering me she tells me to 'stop'. We had a long talk about exes today at her house and we both talked about holding on to exes and she understands completely. I had a problem with with an ex just like this. I told her I don't want to have to always keep looking over shoulder wonder what's going and she feels the same way because of what's happening between him and his wife, but I feel nothing is over if she just ignores him because of this unresolved issue with his things. I don't want to show her how much it bothers me because I don't want to her to see that I'm insecure about it. I know we've only been going together for a week and I'm in no position to make any requests of her pertaining to her him, but I don't want to play the fool either if she still has fellings for this guy and us holding out to see what he texts her about him and his wife. I don't know why she doesn't tell them that we're together. Is she just trying to spare his feelings? Do I have legitimate concern here? I don't want to keep bringing it up because I don't want her to know it bothers me and I don't want to get her upset if it really isn't an issue because she might stop confiding in me about him. Other then this issue, she's been absolutely wonderful. She seems to worry about losing me and cares about what I think. Am I over-thinking? Not sure what to do. Edited December 17, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs, please use them Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 I would tread lightly with this relationship. The only reason she's not with her ex is because he's not available, if not for the issue of him being married she would undoubtedly still be with him. You may be plan b, or worse being used to get his attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 You have only dated a week and have red flags. I wouldn't be doing the Christmas with family thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 You have only dated a week and have red flags. Bingo. She's - - hiding your relationship - still connected to him - willing to cheat with him on his marriage I could go on but you get the picture... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 Go look on the OW part of the forum and read how obsessed these women become over married men. Affairs are not like normal single relationships, do not assume that they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnson1 Posted December 18, 2018 Author Share Posted December 18, 2018 I would tread lightly with this relationship. The only reason she's not with her ex is because he's not available, if not for the issue of him being married she would undoubtedly still be with him. You may be plan b, or worse being used to get his attention. I don't think I'm a plan B. I've seen a pic of this guy. He's nothing special. We just spoke and she told me she asked to meet with him in public so she can give him his stuff back. I believe her. I just don't want him trying to swet talk her or try to start loving on her. I really don't like that she has to meet with him to give him his things, but I have no choice. How else is he going to get it back? Knowing how she is and that it concerns me she'll probably keep me apprised every step of the way when she meets with him. The only thing that I don't like is that she didn't tell him about me, but its probably not to make waves because she has to see him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnson1 Posted December 18, 2018 Author Share Posted December 18, 2018 Bingo. She's - - hiding your relationship - still connected to him - willing to cheat with him on his marriage I could go on but you get the picture... Mr. Lucky I know. I think I'm going to ask her why she hasn't told him about me. That I don't like and makes me uneasy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Johnson1 Posted December 18, 2018 Author Share Posted December 18, 2018 You have only dated a week and have red flags. I wouldn't be doing the Christmas with family thing. I know. I thought about that. We has a great weekend at her place and I kinda jumped the gun. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 (edited) I just recently started dating this woman a week ago. We are VERY close. We talk to each other every day throughout the day, spent all of the last two weekends together and make plans to do things like take trips. I've known her sporadically for a few years because she dated a guy I knew (not the guy she's in contact with now), then one night we hooked up. I just bought us a Christmas tree and we're going to spend Christmas together. She said she already bought me a little something. Her and I are going over my mom's house for Christmas Eve. I told her that I really care about her and she said she feels the same. She seems to be very smitten. On our second date she told me she just has a few loose ends to tie up with her ex of 4 months. She told me that they were engaged when they were 18, but she broke it off because he cheated. Recently they hooked back up, but he's married and she told me she dumped him because he won't give up on her (and also because she says he won't communicate his feelings). She told me she's done with him. He still has some of his things still over her house though. Therein lies the problem. She's showed me the text of her saying it isn't going to work out between them and she told me she texted him and asked him if he still wants his stuff (his guitar and a printer), but he never replied back (this was days ago). She also told me that he can't deal with her medical issues and that's another reason she broke it off. She makes it sound like he doesnt want her because of that, but today she showed me that he texted her a pic of some Walmart bags on a floor because they had this thing where one day he looked down at her floor and noticed a pile of them on her floor when they were together, so he reenacted it and put a sad face. She wasn't phased and was just like 'pffft....whatever'. I asked her if she was going to text him back, but she said no. She says he probably just wants to be friends. I guess she wants to ignore him. I know nothing is going to be resolved until there's an answer between them as far as his things. I know he using it as an excuse to hold onto her. I don't know what she's waiting for. She hasn't told him we're together. I don't think she wants him, but I think she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. She showed me that she blocked him on Facebook. I'm thinking because she doesn't want him to know that she has a new boyfriend. She told me the only reason why he has it is to stalk her and what she does. There was a pic of us together the night we hooked up and she tagged me, but hid it from her page. She told me I have nothing to worry about, and if she sees that It's bothering me she tells me to 'stop'. We had a long talk about exes today at her house and we both talked about holding on to exes and she understands completely. I had a problem with with an ex just like this. I told her I don't want to have to always keep looking over shoulder wonder what's going and she feels the same way because of what's happening between him and his wife, but I feel nothing is over if she just ignores him because of this unresolved issue with his things. I don't want to show her how much it bothers me because I don't want to her to see that I'm insecure about it. I know we've only been going together for a week and I'm in no position to make any requests of her pertaining to her him, but I don't want to play the fool either if she still has fellings for this guy and us holding out to see what he texts her about him and his wife. I don't know why she doesn't tell them that we're together. Is she just trying to spare his feelings? Do I have legitimate concern here? I don't want to keep bringing it up because I don't want her to know it bothers me and I don't want to get her upset if it really isn't an issue because she might stop confiding in me about him. Other then this issue, she's been absolutely wonderful. She seems to worry about losing me and cares about what I think. Am I over-thinking? Not sure what to do. You are the problem in this association. Nobody is ever really close after dating 1 week. You are setting yourself up for a crash landing. Edited December 18, 2018 by Simple Logic Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts