Cheated on my partner with co-worker who used me as a rebound

[IndyDrifter]

Please help.

I’ve been doing a nightcourse since Sept at work and through it I have made friends with a beautiful co-worker. We hit it off pretty fast and we occasionally flirt when we see each other around. I also have a partner of 5 years who is falling out of love with me. I’ve tried and tried since summer to try and talk to her about it but she just gets colder and colder.

 

Last Friday my co-worker invited me out for Christmas drinks with her department. I was at home and said no. My gf was in the other room

and didn’t speak to me all night. My co-worker kept texting asking me to come out and I kept saying no. She asked how far I lived from the city and I told her where I lived. She then rang to say that she was in a taxi with friends and they were en route to my place. I told her not to come so she said to meet her at the pub down the road from my house instead, which I decided to do.

 

We met up and all of her friends were eager to see me. They were all gossiping while the co-worker and I had a drink. Her friends approached me and asked why I called out when I have a gf. At this point I had never told my co-worker that I was spoken for. She acted shocked but when I admitted it she said she always knew because she talks about me a lot at work and knows I’m in a relationship. I don’t know why she was so adamant about calling out to see me if he knew this. I didn’t even ask. We had some more drinks and all of her friends said that there are rumours going around work about the two of us. One of them even said that my current relationship must be in trouble if I called out to see my co-worker.

 

We had a few more drinks, started to hold hands and away from prying eyes we both went back to hers. We opened up to each other about work and it was nice to feel appreciated. We kissed and fooled around a bit but didn’t have sex.

 

Then her phone starts ringing and she starts to shake. It’s her ex. Apparently he calls her every night and keeps checks on her. I told her not to answer it but she did. She asked him what he wanted and he wanted to know what she was doing. It was very bizarre, she didn’t tell him about me. He rang three more times, the last time she asked him how she’s supposed to move on if he’s harassing her like this.

 

She told me he does this all the time and that he was the love of her life but got abusive. She is in therapy currently as a result. I said I’d leave her be and I went home but told her I’m always here for her if she wants to talk. We agreed to meet up on Monday morning for a coffee. I text her on Sat and she said the calls continued all night and that this is normal for her. Her replies were very curt and didn’t seem like she was interested in talking to me.

 

Yesterday I text asking if she’s still on for coffee but she said she’s with her parents for a few days and didn’t say why.

 

I’m currently at the airport about to fly home for a few weeks but don’t know what to do.

 

I told my gf I was with her on Friday and she doesn’t seem too fussed.

 

I really want to look out for my co-worker, I find myself falling for her but she went from 90 to 0 over the course of a day. One minute she is in a taxi to mine with her friends, the next she’s ignoring me and fobbing me off.

 

Am I a rebound here? Is there anything I can do to win her over? Is it worth it?

 

Any advice? Can anyone tell me what’s going on with her? Would appreciate some outside perspective on this.

[Wallysbears]

Step 1: Break up with your current girlfriend

[smackie9]

You are treading dangerously in a mind field. Everything about this is just wrong. Get a grip because you are not thinking through this, you are blazing hot with emotions. Cool yer jets.

 

 

 

First off dating a co-worker, especially one with a crew of gossipers, you will never get a moments peace. If anything goes bad, they and her, will rally together and make sure you lose your job to punish you for hurting their friend. Your life will be a living hell. Like seriously you will be asking for it.

 

 

 

Next, you are thirsty....like waaay too thirsty. At this point anything will look good on the menu. You need to pull back the reins. I say stay the f away from her, she's gonna be trouble with a capital T. She's like a bulldozer plowing her way through to you, because she don't care if you have a GF, wife or not. That should say something about her character....she is selfish and doesn't respect others relationships.

 

 

 

Lastly, just breakup with your GF and just have casual random fun smashing girls. Getting into something serious will mess you up. You ain't ready for that.

 

 

Oh and never date someone with an abusive jealous ex....that's some real trouble you can live without....and she don't need rescuing...you can't fix her situation...stay away!

Edited December 17, 2018 by smackie9

[snowboy91]

First things first - you need to see where you're at with your current partner. If she's gone cold towards you then you've got an uphil battle to try and keep this relationship going. If she wasn't fussed about you hanging out with this new girl, I think she's checked out already. You also need to ask yourself if you still want to be with her, and if not you need to break up with her sooner or later.

 

With this new girl - she is clearly traumatised by her last relationship, this guy is so abusive and clingy it's landed her into therapy. She has her reasons for backing off and going to stay with her parents, and I think it's a lot more to do with her ex than to do with you. I also think it's going to be some time before she's ready for a new relationship, so I wouldn't hold your hopes up.