Just ended. Feel not too bad. Numb. Very worried.

[Twizzlestick]

11 year extremely loving (until very end of course) relationship with souls mate came to final close tonight when I was officially dumped.

 

At the time of final goodbyes it felt like my heart was exploding. The pain and grief were immeasurable. Now I’m back in my flat. It’s nighttime, I’m really worried as I’ve stopped feeling too bad. I catch glimpses of triggers and my head does a “don’t go there” moment. And it all seems “just a pity” and “hey ho”. Not too bad.

 

I’m terrified as afraid of the grief that’s in store. I dread going to bed and it hitting me when I wake up. I’m really worried about how to go about coping with this.

[Twizzlestick]

I can feel it. It’s like the mind is hunting for a trigger itself. It’s trying to tunnel through and the other bit is stopping it appearing. When an image or memory does appear I don’t feel anything much. Just mild upset.

 

I’m quite worried as to what’s in store. I don’t feel in control of it

[Marc878]

You're finally out of denial. You'll be fine. It'll hurt awhile but you'll get through it.

 

If you allow contact it'll just take even more time.

 

No contact is up to you. Rip the bandaid off. Gather up all her stuff. Big traps ages work well. And purge your place of everything. Pics too.

 

Then you can move on and have a life. You see she's not on the reviving end of this so contact doesn't bother her like it will you.

[preraph]

It may not be as bad as you think since you've known trouble was brewing for some time. Just give yourself time to digest it some more and give yourself time to cry it out. And then don't let that go on too long before you dust yourself off and start being social again to distract yourself and move forward. Good luck.

[Twizzlestick]

Thanks folks.

 

 

What a night. Over night boats all cancelled due big storm. I collapsed on bed in my clothes and woke at 5am. Got a ferry booked this morning, 80moh winds here so expecting to be sick as a dog on the ship. Then it’s a 7 hour drive.

 

Still feeling calm, I know it’s there though. I’d love to think what you say is right that my brain is able to process it because it knew trouble was brewing. I think it feels like my brain is locked into denial still/ numbness. I can think about her but then rational thoughts are able to come and defend myself. I think the pain hasn’t set in because it’s still fresh and there’s the intense longing hasn’t set. Once those gates open, my goodness I’m in for it I think. Then the guilt/remorse/ disbelief. Wish I could stay feeling this calm and then it be over.

 

Bit like the dumpers get. I’ve even had tiny tiny stages of relief this morning. Tiny though and ring hollow once I’ve thought it

[basil67]

Yes, there are feelings of numbness but I suspect that you're also feeling relief. Could it be that you were ready to leave the relationship and him pulling the plug has given you the freedom you need?

[Twizzlestick]

Yes, there are feelings of numbness but I suspect that you're also feeling relief. Could it be that you were ready to leave the relationship and him pulling the plug has given you the freedom you need?

 

I suppose that’s worth consideration. I know there were elements I was unhappy with but I didn’t feel out of love. My feelings are intense. It’s severe remorse on my part, not helped that the other party cited things I’d done that had contributed to them feeling less of me.

 

I think I’m in denial. I can sense my brain can’t quite face the magnitude. Perhaps because it’s so new.

 

Oh I’m the Male and the other person female.

[d0nnivain]

The end of a relationship is never easy. Yes there will be pain but tears are cathartic & that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Hang in there. Surround yourself with supportive friends & family. You will get through this.

 

You have known this was coming for while. You have already done some of the processing. It's simply official now but not unexpected.