Try again or Keep NC

[sun101]

I took her for granted and didn't listen to her ,thus she dumped me 5 months ago.She completely lost her feeling for me with her anxious attachment style as I was unavailable for her.She told me that if I have .5 percentage that you could change I 'll give you a second chance.All my attempts failed to convince her by saying to me it's too late and over now. I applied NC rule for 1 month then I texted her about Sth reminded me of her and we chatted a little bit, all was good .Next day, I texted asking about her new Job interview how was it ? she ignored it and didn’t reply! So I got really confused should I continue NC since 2 months of it until she reaches out? Or try to open up communication again ?

 

Thx

Edited December 18, 2018 by sun101

[d0nnivain]

She broke up with you because she lost feelings. There is nothing you can do to fix this.

 

the NC rule isn't about getting her to miss you. It's about you healing & moving on from her.

 

She doesn't want to hear from you again. She will never believe you changed. Leave her alone

 

Instead take what you should have learned about nurturing a relationship & apply it to your next relationship.

[Happy Lemming]

When we are in relationships, sometimes we make mistakes. Some of those mistakes are not repairable. This is one of those situations.

 

In the end, all we can do is learn from our mistakes, not repeat them with the next person, and try to be the best person we can be.

 

Stay "no contact"... She is gone, it is over and you learned something from the experience. Utilize that "learned lesson" to improve yourself as a person.

 

Blue skies...

[PRW]

I agree with the others. Forget it, and move on.

 

But as a side note, I don't believe in NC as if it is a "noun",...a "thing",...a "rule",...or a "law". That idea is just a little too "PUA" and a little too manipulative as a "concept" for me.

 

I just simply don't contact them because I have no reason to. But if there is a legit reason then I would contact them. In other words I just treat them like I would treat anyone else I know,...they are no longer "special". Most of my dates, or former dates, I still bump into on a regular basis because we run in some of the same circles. I've gone to events with 3-4 women there that I used to date and much of the time they all know about each other, and we act like adults and everyone gets along. I am very diligent and careful to maintain this kind of friendly, peaceful, balance.

[d0nnivain]

PRW

 

I agree that NC has to be organic. I don't reach out as the dumper because I don't want to offer false hope but I try to be kind if the other person reaches out to me. Most of my break ups were civil so I never saw a reason to be cruel.

 

Once as the dumpee I couldn't go cold turkey, never speak to him again so we agreed to this crazy deal about weaning me off talking to him. He was genuinely compassionate & accommodating about it. The 1st week I was "allowed" to call something like 4 times over different days & talk for 5 minutes. I agreed we would not talk about the relationship & I wouldn't beg. I just "needed" to hear his voice. The number of calls & their length diminished from there until I was more at peace with it being over. I will always appreciate his kindness. It helps now when work forces us to interact because we are in the same industry.

 

As the dumpee you don't want to be calling & begging. That makes you look weak & desperate. It forces the other person to almost be mean to you to make you stop.

[Giraffe-A]

She gave you a reason why she broke up with you and will consider taking you back if you show you can be the man she needs. On your next text, think about what she said to you during the break up. Apoligize to her and tell her you accept the breakup and have done your part to change, but also welcome her suggestion to be the man she needs and you have to follow through. And before you send that text, you have to really be sure you want this girl and you truly grasped the issues that lead to the breakup.

Avoid simple texts. They give the impression that you’re just lonely and just wasting her time.

[PRW]

I've been re-reading and mulling over the original message some more. Now I still say, "Forget it and move on". But I'd like to break down some of this, if for nothing more than an intellectual exercise I guess. I think it is good to think about this stuff.

 

I took her for granted and didn't listen to her ,thus she dumped me 5 months ago.

There is no indication of taking anyone for granted. Guys generally never come to that conclusion on their own without someone putting the thought into their head.

 

She completely lost her feeling for me with her anxious attachment style as I was unavailable for her.

If she really does have an anxious attachment style then anyone who doesn't constantly give her affirmation on a daily basis may find themselves falsely accused of "not being available". Again like above, guys typically don't ever see themselves as unavailable to a woman unless someone puts that idea in their head.

 

Now if a guy allows thoughts like those to be put into his head, then it is possible that he doesn't have the confidence and self-awareness to know if it is true or not. This could mean that the lack of confidence and lack of self-awareness are the real source of the woman's dissatisfaction and why he really got dumped.

 

She told me that if I have .5 percentage that you could change I 'll give you a second chance.

I dont' know how she is going to measure a half of a percentage point, but this is just a power play. She is saying that none of the issue is her, it is all the guy, and that if he meets her minimum requirement that she might take him back. She has all the power here,...which puts the guy in the position of being weak, powerless, and at her mercy. This of course means the guy will appear very unattractive to her.

 

All my attempts failed to convince her by saying to me it's too late and over now.

A guy cannot convince a woman to want him. Attempting so is folly. It is not like doing math. It means the guy doesn't understand women very well. If she doesn't feel that she can comfortably rest in his confidence, strength, and judgment, then he is just cannon fodder and she is not going to fall in love with him. I said in some other post a day or so ago,...women aren't wanting the find a puppy, they want to find the pack leader, a guy that can take them on an adventure rather then follow her on an adventure. I was careful not to use the term "alpha" in that statement because the alpha is not the only game in town and it has become too cliche and over-used.

 

I've already stated my view on the whole "NC" thing.