Broke NC and AP told me to f- off

[Neverbethesameagain]

You know the story. MW and MM.... we’re coworkers and had an affair, that has died down to mostly an EA, although it was physical in the past. It lasted a couple of years, and I fell in love. He said he did too. But now, he wants to move on. My marriage is not good. He says his is.

 

We tried being friends and having LC, which was fine for a few months. But last Friday, I had a few drinks at a holiday gathering and started texting him and asking him to see me. Huge mistake. He was extremely pissed and told me, “I tried for you, but you don’t even respect me. I am blocking you. F—- off.” Hes never spoken to me that way before so I know he was extremely angry.

 

I’m so angry with myself for doing that. We were doing so good, and then I went and screwed it up. I know we need to go NC and we were working towards that... that’s definitely where we are now! I’m devastated. Trying to tell myself that this is best case scenario. He was never going to leave her. I know that. I wouldn’t want to break up a family anyway. I don’t know what I was even hoping for, but of course I miss him. It SUCKS.

 

I guess I’m just looking for support. I know what I need to do. It’s just difficult to do it. And since we work together.... well, it’s torture. I hate when things feel unresolved, but obviously there is no good resolution here.

 

Thanks for your stories. Reading them has helped me so much. Hoping to be out of this fog and feeling stronger, and soon!

[stillafool]

If you don't want to break up a family start with your own. Your husband deserves better. Stop trying to contact OM and start looking for another job to distance yourself from him.

[BourneWicked]

Sorry to hear about your problem. I'm in a very similar situation. All I have is empathy, unfortunately I don't have much good advice that has brought me anywhere. I guess I'm better than where I was, but feel I could still fall back in at any time.

 

For me, I felt like - if I could see him day in and day out, I might see he's not 'all that' like I think he is. But I don't have that opportunity. Is that something that you can focus on - what he does in his daily life that's pretty human, his failings, the things that make him a less than ideal match anyway? Do you have anyone you can confide in?

 

Wishing you the best.

[Neverbethesameagain]

Still a fool... I am working on my marriage. We have been in marriage counseling. Things are ok, but it’s all a process. We still have work to do. I am doing my best to give it my all. And without giving too many specifics, I am stuck here in my job. But he is not. He has the seniority to move around. Praying that he does so at the end of the year.

 

Bournewicked - thanks for the support. Seeing him day in and day out helps, but hurts too. This is all fresh still. He just told me to F off on Friday, so it’s new. It’s awkward. But I deserve it.

 

I can’t believe this is my life and that this happened to me. I can’t believe the choices I made. I deserve every bit of hurt that I feel. I only wish I could turn back time before all of this happened.

[brigit87]

Still a fool... I am working on my marriage. We have been in marriage counseling. Things are ok, but it’s all a process. We still have work to do. I am doing my best to give it my all. And without giving too many specifics, I am stuck here in my job. But he is not. He has the seniority to move around. Praying that he does so at the end of the year.

 

Bournewicked - thanks for the support. Seeing him day in and day out helps, but hurts too. This is all fresh still. He just told me to F off on Friday, so it’s new. It’s awkward. But I deserve it.

 

I can’t believe this is my life and that this happened to me. I can’t believe the choices I made. I deserve every bit of hurt that I feel. I only wish I could turn back time before all of this happened.

 

Honestly. You're not working on your marriage. Working on your marriage means you've ceased all contact with your affair partner and you contacted him. He rejected you. You must leave the job. You'll never be able to work with this man and move forward.

[BaileyB]

Drunken texting may seem like a good idea at the time, but it generally doesn’t work out well...

 

Now, you have heard him loud and clear. It’s time to move on... I hope you have learned from this experience and you learn to make better choices in the future.

[FMW]

Use your feelings about your text and his response to help you move on. Let it be the thing that finally slams and locks the door on it for you.

 

Delete his number so that you can never be tempted to text again. That's what I had to do. When I had a few drinks one night I tried desperately to try and figure out how to retrieve his number. I'm so very happy I did a good job of removing his contact information from every place possible! I hate to think what would have happened if I had been able to send that text.

 

Avoid him at work completely if you can. Don't even make eye contact. Sounds childish, but you have to gain some detachment. If your work requires you be in a lot of contact with him then seriously consider removing yourself - transfer to another department, location, etc. if possible.

 

You're looking for an escape from what you're feeling (or more to the point NOT feeling) in your marriage, and he's the natural choice for you to run to. Don't let yourself keep the romantic story of your relationship alive. See it for what it really is, don't focus on the fragmented memories of the good times.

[elaine567]

We tried being friends and having LC, which was fine for a few months. But last Friday, I had a few drinks at a holiday gathering and started texting him and asking him to see me. Huge mistake. He was extremely pissed and told me, “I tried for you, but you don’t even respect me. I am blocking you. F—- off.” Hes never spoken to me that way before so I know he was extremely angry.

 

MM like to put OW into boxes, unfortunately you stepped out of your box so he shoved you back in, in no uncertain terms.

You won't do that again in a hurry, I guess...

 

 

Block him everywhere socially. I know you work together but reduce interactions to the bare minimum is my advice.

[NotADayGoesBy]

 

Avoid him at work completely if you can. Don't even make eye contact. Sounds childish, but you have to gain some detachment.

 

I work with xMM and I had to do this last time we interacted in person in close proximity. It felt juvenile, but it really helped. Making eye contact brought up too many feelings.

[whichwayisup]

Still a fool... I am working on my marriage. We have been in marriage counseling. Things are ok, but it’s all a process. We still have work to do. I am doing my best to give it my all. And without giving too many specifics, I am stuck here in my job. But he is not. He has the seniority to move around. Praying that he does so at the end of the year.

 

Bournewicked - thanks for the support. Seeing him day in and day out helps, but hurts too. This is all fresh still. He just told me to F off on Friday, so it’s new. It’s awkward. But I deserve it.

 

I can’t believe this is my life and that this happened to me. I can’t believe the choices I made. I deserve every bit of hurt that I feel. I only wish I could turn back time before all of this happened.

 

Does your husband know of the affair?

 

exMM telling you to F-off is actually a gift! He set you free. Grieve the loss, this is final. And let go of any hopes or dreams of being with him, on any level. You two cannot be friends, it's cruel to your spouses and to yourselves.

[Giraffe-A]

You can treat this guy like he doesn’t exist and you really should. Use your energy to work on your marriage as he has. He’s treating you this way, probably because his lady found out and he soon realized what was important to him. In order for them to work it out, there has to be complete transparency. He cannot entertain your calls or texts and has to respond in this manner to prove sonething to his wife. You should respect that.