Overly shy

[Adam.bomb366]

Hi I am Adam I am 38 and not only new here but new to the whole forum thing. I have a lot of trouble meeting and talking to new people. Males or females does not matter I just never know what to say. I know saying I’m shy is just a gross for simplification of it. There is way more to it than that but I guess don’t know how to explain it. I know I need some help. I don’t know what kind of help to look for or where do you find it. Any opinions on the matter would be greatly appreciated.

[PRW]

Shyness is learned behavor. Unlearn it. Teach yourself something else.

 

You will always behave according to what you believe yourself to be.

 

You believe you are shy so you act shy, which gives you the results that shyness gives. The results then convince you that you are right in saying you are shy,...so you will never improve.

 

Pretend you are not shy. Fake it till you make it. Your mind will follow your body's actions, and before long you won't have to fake it.

[preraph]

It's likely going beyond shy or you'd have grown out of it by now. It's probably social anxiety that, if you can't push your own behavioral boundaries and get out of your comfort zone to change it, you'll need to see a psychologist for help with it. If it is anxiety, meds can help a lot.

[d0nnivain]

Everybody thinks they are the center of attention in that the slightest flaw or flub is magnified. Most people are not that observant. They care more about themselves being seen as odd then any mistake you make. People are more compassionate to others socially then they are to themselves.

 

Overcoming this takes practice. On your own try smiling 1 stranger per day & making eye contact. Try that for a while until you feel comfortable. Work up to being able to say something banal about the weather.

 

If you have the money take a class to help you. Things like the offerings at the Dale Carnegie institute are great as are some seminars at things like Chambers of Commerce; those are generally focused on personal branding / marketing & in person networking. I actually took a class on how to shake hands. If it's not something you are used to in a professional business setting you need a little practice.

 

Another option is a group called ToastMasters. that is more about public speaking but it's great at calming the anxiety.

[Happy Lemming]

I actually took a class on how to shake hands. If it's not something you are used to in a professional business setting you need a little practice.

 

This "hand shaking" class sounds interesting. Many years ago, I was working for a company and the corporate attorney came in to look at some accounting records (which I was in charge of). When I shook his hand, he told me I was doing it wrong and gave me a few pointers. I wish I knew there was a class for this, I would have definitely taken it.

 

As far as the OP and shyness... My advice is to face your fear and take its power away. Similar to "PRW" watch other people and pretend you are not shy. Imitate their behavior. Take baby steps, and practice... if on the street ask a total stranger for directions, "Excuse, I'm a bit turned around, am I anywhere near Main street?" If in a Sports bar, ask the guy next to you "I can't believe the Diamondbacks traded Paul Goldschmidt" or whatever is going on with your local sports team. The more you perform these little conversations, you take the fear away and overcome your shyness.

 

Best of luck!!

[Adam.bomb366]

Thanks For the suggestions It should help some anyways

[preraph]

I've always been awkward in groups of people unless I was real close with the groups of people and one thing that helped me was when I had a job where I was sort of obligated to do things at these gatherings. I found it if I had a purpose then I didn't have trouble talking to people. so you might try volunteering to do something at a job gathering or church gathering or whatever and it gives you an excuse to talk to people and something to talk about.

[sabaton]

Hi I am Adam I am 38 and not only new here but new to the whole forum thing. I have a lot of trouble meeting and talking to new people. Males or females does not matter I just never know what to say. I know saying I’m shy is just a gross for simplification of it. There is way more to it than that but I guess don’t know how to explain it. I know I need some help. I don’t know what kind of help to look for or where do you find it. Any opinions on the matter would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

Volunteer at a kitchen soup. Join an in-person book club. Join a gym. Start making small talk with the people you come across, and over time your shyness will become less of a problem until you find yourself enjoying all of that social contact.