Chinese girl added me on *Chat: Does it mean anything?

[AlexanderEschate]

I'm currently in the job market looking for a new job and this recruiter girl found me on linkedin for an opportunity. It looked good to me. I gave her my phone number via linkedin and we talked on the phone.

 

Very bubbly and personable lady. Keep in mind at this point, I have NO idea what she looks like. She has no profile picture. I know this sounds weird but a lot of it is because we're of similar background. She's Chinese-Canadian who grew up in Canada, same as me. Unlike most Asian girls who are FOBs who may be a bit shy or awkward and speak english with an accent, she's very personable and bubbly and lively.

 

She was the same in person when I went to her company for the interview. On top of that, she's pretty too. She even told me that should things not work out with this company that it's ok. In fact, she's been trying to fill this position for awhile and the salary offered is quite low and so she kinda wants to "use me" to show that the company may need to offer more in order to fill the role. We even had a few min to sorta chat. She told me what area of the city she lives in and she asked me if I spoke Chinese Mandarin. Turns out we're both just conversational speakers as we grew up in Canada and we can't read/write chinese.

 

I later on found out she added me on *Chat. I know that on *Chat, you need to explicitly add someone from your contact list. It doesn't just alert you if you have a new contact number. So that means she added me explicitly.

 

I know that a lot of Asian people use *Chat for business purposes. It's just part of the culture because the platform was created in China and in China, a lot of people mix their personal and business life together. But I looked at her chat profile and there were pictures of her personal life on it. Also, there was no boyfriend in her pics.

 

I don't know if its just a habit of hers to add Asian people she meets in general to her *Chat.

 

It doesn't look like I'm gonna join her company as I've found another job but during our conversations via text, she mentioned that she had a car accident recently and she apologized for replying late. I asked her if she was ok and she said yes but she's gonna need a new car and that she'll feel paralyzed over the weekend without a car and she said to let her know if I knew of any good car deals. I recommended using zipcar to her in order to get any grocery/errands done while she looks to buy a new car. She never heard of zip car and said thanks.

 

Now I know what you guys are thinking. She's just doing her job. And she probably being a recruiter is good at networking and me being Asian, she probably just feels comfortable texting me and not being so formal.

 

However, I do sense a connection and just from these little convos we've had that had nothing to do with work, I'm wondering if thats just part of her job to be friendly and personable to all her professional acquaintances or that there's a sense of something here.

 

Even though she's very westernized, I know that girls in general would never ask a guy out directly even if they're interested.

 

I have no idea if she has a boyfriend or not. I basically do not know her. But I DO sense a connection here and I think its mutual but I'm not sure if she's open to exploring things a bit further.

 

How weird would it be in this case to just ask her out for a coffee? What excuse should I come up with to meet for a coffee?

 

Or should I just consider this a professional acquaintance and just forget about it?

Edited December 18, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[grays]

No excuse. Just ask her out for coffee, period. Maybe, “it’s been nice talking to you over this job thing and I was thinking it would be fun to see you again.”

 

What’s an FOB?

[AlexanderEschate]

No excuse. Just ask her out for coffee, period. Maybe, “it’s been nice talking to you over this job thing and I was thinking it would be fun to see you again.”

 

What’s an FOB?

 

FOB = Fresh of the Boat

 

It's what we Asians use to distinguish between Asians who grew up in the west vs the newly arrived Asians who came here for school or work.

 

So judging from what I wrote, you think it'd be appropriate to ask her that? What if I misinterpreted all of this and she has no interest?

[grays]

If you’re misinterpreting and she has no interest she will either politely say no or make up some excuse. If she says no with an excuse, it depends on how airtight it is. If I’m not interested in ever going out with someone, I’ll leave no wiggle room, so something like “I have a boyfriend.” If there’s wiggle room, as in, “I’m sorry, I have to work that night,” then maybe ask if there’s a better time. If there’s wiggle room but you feel like she’s leaning more negative, tell her to let you know if she changes her mind.

 

I know it can be disappointing to be turned down, but it happens to all of us and I actually think it’s a good thing to practice asking and being turned down, and also to practice how to handle your feelings when you’re rejected. Nine times out of 10 it’s just not about you — you don’t know this person well, her life could be very different than you imagine it. If she says no, really consider the fact that her not wanting to go out with you does not mean she doesn’t think you’re a good catch. And so what if that is the case? Not everybody is gonna be a perfect match for you.

[AlexanderEschate]

If you’re misinterpreting and she has no interest she will either politely say no or make up some excuse. If she says no with an excuse, it depends on how airtight it is. If I’m not interested in ever going out with someone, I’ll leave no wiggle room, so something like “I have a boyfriend.” If there’s wiggle room, as in, “I’m sorry, I have to work that night,” then maybe ask if there’s a better time. If there’s wiggle room but you feel like she’s leaning more negative, tell her to let you know if she changes her mind.

 

I know it can be disappointing to be turned down, but it happens to all of us and I actually think it’s a good thing to practice asking and being turned down, and also to practice how to handle your feelings when you’re rejected. Nine times out of 10 it’s just not about you — you don’t know this person well, her life could be very different than you imagine it. If she says no, really consider the fact that her not wanting to go out with you does not mean she doesn’t think you’re a good catch. And so what if that is the case? Not everybody is gonna be a perfect match for you.

 

Good points. But what about the adding to *Chat thing? You can think of *Chat as the equilvalent of W***App except I heard that Asians tend to use it for professional networking purposes too due to the different culture.

 

Although with this girl with her being westernized Asian, I'm not sure if she uses *Chat for professional purposes too. Her *Chat profile pics show her personal life like birthdays and her with friends and stuff.

Edited December 19, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed names of commerical services

[grays]

I don’t think it’s a definite yes or no. If I added a guy like that, it would mean I was thinking of him, at least. But it’s possible she’s just networking.

 

BUT that completely doesn’t matter. You felt like you were vining with her and you like her. You should be asking her out whether she added you or not.

[snowboy91]

You're not looking for a job at her company, and it's unlikely you'll have to deal with her again in your line of work. Therefore, you have absolutely nothing to lose by asking her out. One of three things could happen - you don't ask and you don't see her again, you do ask, she rejects you and you don't see her again, or she accepts and you have a great time.

 

And you don't need an excuse. Just say it would be good to see her again.

[Garcon1986]

If things go well, remember this - and I will go on record for criticizing my people for a minute - single Chinese women direct from China, just like single Eastern European women, sometimes are looking for rich men to help them get an easy path to United States citizenship. She needs to prove to you she's not in it for the resources if you become BF and GF.

[AlexanderEschate]

If things go well, remember this - and I will go on record for criticizing my people for a minute - single Chinese women direct from China, just like single Eastern European women, sometimes are looking for rich men to help them get an easy path to United States citizenship. She needs to prove to you she's not in it for the resources if you become BF and GF.

 

This girl isn't from China. She's born here. That's the appeal. I'm not interested in dating women from China or FOB girls. I don't care the race but she has to be westernized.

 

BUT that completely doesn’t matter. You felt like you were vining with her and you like her. You should be asking her out whether she added you or not.

 

But what about all the rules about how women don't want to be asked out during work or people they meet through work or in this case, a prospective client/customer?

 

And you don't need an excuse. Just say it would be good to see her again.

 

If I just say it's good to see her again, isn't that too passive? Should I be more direct in suggesting I wish to see her again?