dont know what to do Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 im happily married, we have had problems in the past, that i have felt like i wanted out of the marriage.we have 3 children.i dont want to leave my husband i do love him but a few days ago a part of my past has come back into my life.i had a relationship with a guy like 20 years ago, i always kept in touch with his mother and father, so i would always know how he was and what he was doing in his life. i always wanted to ask for his number to talk with him but i would not dare. his mom came to town last week and called me and put him on the phone to say hello, since then he has been calling me and said he always wanted to call me but didnt know how i would feel about it being that im married. i have always wanted his friendship and have wanted him to stay in my life. now he is and wants to talk to me all the time, i dont think im doing anything wrong by talking to him, i did go to see him, he respects the fact that im married, and as much as he would wish i was single , he knows that there is never a chance for us again. i dont want to end the friendship, i want to know if it is wrong me keeping in contact with him. Link to post Share on other sites
GuySimple Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 I'm not sure why you are stressed out. Is it because you are seeing this guy as something more than an old friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Coffeemaniac Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 I had something similar happen to me a few months ago... I even posted about it. I have a great marriage and got kind of freaked out when I hesitated to tell my husband about running into my highschool sweetheart. After writing it out (and talking to my mother about it- haha) I told hubby about it. He was a little hurt that I didn't tell him right away, but we talked for a bit and then I think he understood... blablabla... at any rate, he was totally okay with me keeping in touch with my old friend. However, if hubby had felt uncomfortable in any way, I would have just let it go and moved on. If my friend started calling too much though, I think that would be a pretty good sign of wrong intentions - and I would have to cease contact with him. I would never risk my husbands trust like that for an old flame... Hope this helps;) Link to post Share on other sites
Iluvsiamese Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 The biggest red flag that I see with this is that this guy wishes you were still single. Whether he consciously means to or not, he will jeopardize your marriage. It's a given. And if I were your husband, I know how I would feel about this. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Link to post Share on other sites
UltimateZen Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 im happily married, we have had problems in the past, that i have felt like i wanted out of the marriage.we have 3 children.i dont want to leave my husband i do love him but a few days ago a part of my past has come back into my life.i had a relationship with a guy like 20 years ago, i always kept in touch with his mother and father, so i would always know how he was and what he was doing in his life. i always wanted to ask for his number to talk with him but i would not dare. his mom came to town last week and called me and put him on the phone to say hello, since then he has been calling me and said he always wanted to call me but didnt know how i would feel about it being that im married. i have always wanted his friendship and have wanted him to stay in my life. now he is and wants to talk to me all the time, i dont think im doing anything wrong by talking to him, i did go to see him, he respects the fact that im married, and as much as he would wish i was single , he knows that there is never a chance for us again. i dont want to end the friendship, i want to know if it is wrong me keeping in contact with him. Man, this bugs me royally because this is how the path to the dark side starts. an innocent phone call, an informal meeting, he putting the thought into your mind that he wishes you were single. Now you are rolling it over and over in your mind and soon you'll be sleeping with him with a divorce shortly after. Textbook. Guess what. Stick with the choices you made in your life, especially with the long great marriage, 3 children, you have everything to lose and nothing to gain but a quick lay. I read a lot of posts here where people are advising others to break it off, screw the person, quit. Get it out of your mind and behave like a dedicated wife and mother. Temptation is out there. Be strong and cut it off with this guy and the parents. You have a life you are living with three wonderful children and a great husband. Get a dog if you feel there is something missing, but don't go looking up past lays unless you want to sabatoge not only your life but 4 others. Link to post Share on other sites
trainwreck Posted September 17, 2005 Share Posted September 17, 2005 I just posted about having an EA and I have to agree, you think it's innocent but then something happens. Warning signs to look out for: if you cannot tell your H about the friendship then something is going on with YOUR emotions. If your old friend asks you to keep secrets, beware! If you offer him to come meet your family and he declines but continues the friendship, WATCH OUT! I've just ended my EA after months of friendship and then after one dinner, the friendship turned into something I couldn't let get in the way of my family's happiness. I hope you too will at least keep the warning signs in mind. You shouldn't share secrets that only you and your H are privy to. You shouldn't lie, or have to hide your talks or meetings with any friend that's worth keeping. I hope you will consider this before getting into something that you didn't plan getting into. Link to post Share on other sites
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