Do you think I still have a chance?

[Hopeless98]

Ok, so, this is going to be a long story. But I will try to keep it as short as possible. Please, read my story carefully because I tried to include even the slightest details that might be important.

 

So, me (18) and my ex girlfriend (16) broke up in May. We have been together for 3 months, but before that we were talking for 4 months.It was a typical romantic story, we had so many things in common, we were thinking the same way about everything, all in all: it was obvious we were meant for each other.

Anyway, we were each others' first relationship, we loved each other really hard. She kept telling me things like how she never felt like this with other guys, and that I should never leave her because she would never be able to bear it, and that how important I'm to her. She often had depression-like times when she would feel very insecure and sad, saying things to me like she is so scared that I will leave her, because how can a handsome guy like me love such an ugly girl like her. Of course I always told her that she's not ugly, in fact she's the perfect girl for me and I would never be able to leave her.

She was sometimes jealous too, saying things like why I'm friends with this girl or that girl, saying they are beautiful and she is not, and that she is aware she "cannot give me what these girls can, but she's trying really hard" and I should not leave her. And I always told her I'd never leave her, and that she's perfect to me, I don't need other girls.

Also, unfortunately, she'd sometimes smoke weed and get drunk. And during these times, she would bombard me with depressed emotional messages and calls, like the ones I said before (never leave me, I love you more than anything, I would die if you leave me, etc.) .

 

Unfortunately, we were not able to meet very often due to my schedule. But when we met, I always put my whole heart into it, because I really loved her.Also if we were not able to meet in person, we were in constant contact via Messenger, every day, 7/24. She sometimes complained about this, but I always explained to her that it's because of school and work, and that whenever I can, I spend time with her and I love her, no matter how rarely we are able to meet in person. And that's what led to our breakup.

 

The breakup was quite intense and fast. One day I woke up to a text message from my ex's friend, who accused me of lying to my ex, and not taking care of her enough.

 

Of course, I immediately confronted my ex about this She started saying things like she feels like she worths nothing to me, and that it does not work if we meet only two or three times a month. She also said she thinks I don't love her and that I'm just playing with her. I of course tried to convince her that this is not true, if I did not love her, I wouldn't be in a relationship with her, and that I would not talk to her, spend time with her, etc. Anyway, after some arguing she said "You know what? It's over.". I was quite angered, so I just answered "Ok, it's over then.".And then she accused me for not "fighting for her" after she said it's over. Anyway we kept arguing for a few more hours and then we finally departed from each other. A few days later, she blocked me on Facebook, but not on Instagram.

 

Anyway, months passed, and I started to miss her more and more. But I never had the courage to try and contact her again.

 

Then, finally, in September, after 3 months of NC, I took my courage and messaged her on Instagram. I wrote her a really long apology message, in which I acknowledged that I made a mistake by not spending enough time with her, and that I'm really sorry for it. I also told her how much I miss all the good times we had, how much I still miss her and think about her. It was a long message, but these were the main things in it.

 

She immediately answered in a very aggressive manner, saying things like she never loved me, and how she was kissing another guy just a few days after we broke up.She also said I'm just trying to beg myself back because I was not able to find another girl. I was a bit shocked, I was prepared for rejection, but not for this behavior, because she never spoke to me like this before.

 

A week later I tried to talk to her again, she was rejecting me again, saying things like she does not care, it's over.

 

However, she started posting stuff on her social media that undoubtedly refer to me. For example she posted a quote saying "Let me forget you.". Another quote she posted was "You killed me.". So it was obvious she's still thinking about me and posting stuff that refers to me.

 

Then, another week later, I made a very big mistake. It was childish and pathetic. I know. I wish I could just turn it back, but I can't. I sent her a picture of me kissing another girl. My ex became extremely angry, started bragging about how she was kissing two different guys last night, and she even insulted my mom who died years ago. And then, she blocked me.

 

Of course, I felt extremely bad and guilty. Some weeks passed and I wrote her best friend another long apology message. I apologized for sending my ex that picture, and again I told her how much I miss her, and that I hope she's happy with her life. I also said I acknowledge that it's over, but if my ex ever wants to talk with me in the future, she can contact me anytime.

 

Two days later, my ex unblocked me, and started to follow me on Instagram. She also wrote a message. She said she understands that I miss her, but she has a new boyfriend too, our relationship has been over for months, and that we will never get back together again, and that she hopes I finally forget her. I just said okay, I understand.

 

However, she started stalking me on Instagram. She started to watch my Stories. But the strange thing is, she was always the first one, or if not the first, she was always in the first five people to see it. This went on for 2 days, then she unfollowed me. However, she still watched my Stories, even after she unfollowed me.

 

Another strange thing is, she posted "R.I.P", and under it, the date when we got together and the date when we broke up. I found this strange, because she said she has a new boyfriend. But if you have someone, then you wouldn't grieve for your previous relationship publicly.

 

So, I jokingly messaged her, asking her if she's spying on me. She became angry again, and denied the fact that she stalked me, and blocked me again.

 

Now, a few days ago, I sent her some presents for Christmas. I carefully chose the stuff, so I only bought things that she loves (her favorite sweets, drink, and her favorite cosmetics). I also included a message in the box, in which I wrote how much I miss her, and that I hope despite all the things that happened, we'll talk or meet again in the future. I even decorated the box with some Christmas wrapping paper and things like that, and I wrote on the box "Only open on Christmas" and sent it to her. A few days later, when the presents arrived, she unblocked me and wrote a simple message that said " Why are you doing this? ".

 

I answered that because she's important to me, and I can't get over her, I keep thinking about her every day, and that I just want to prove that I have changed and I want to start this relationship again, and make things way better than they were before.

 

She just said she's really sorry, but I should know she has a new boyfriend, and that she loves him, and not me. I said okay, and I apologized for bothering her with my gift. Suddenly she became cold and said "It's okay, thanks for the gift tho xdd".

 

And since that, we have not talked, however, I'm still unblocked, so she has not blocked me back. I still keep thinking about her. And I can't decide if she really has a new boyfriend or not. There's a guy who is quite suspicious to me, they keep commenting hearts to each others' pictures, and not in a friendly manner. But they don't have any mutual pictures, and my ex's status on social media says she's single. Also, like I said before, if this guy really is her boyfriend, then why would my ex grieve our relationship publicly, while she's together with another guy?

 

 

I just can't get over her. And I'm fully aware that I will never find a girl like her again. We had too many things in common. I'm feeling worse day after day. Things that made me happy before, like hobbies, friends, etc. They don't make me happy anymore. I think about suicide more often day by day. My friends keep telling me that I should just forget her and that there are many girls out there, they talk about it like it's just that simple, but it's not easy, I can't get over her, and I still hope that we'll be together again. I would literally die for this girl. I feel the urge to tell her how much I love her every day, but I know if I do that, she'll probably block me and that would do more harm than good. Every night I fall asleep crying, and every morning I wake up with a headache and I think about her all day.

I know I'm far from the perfect guy, and that I did not spend enough time with her, but I never cheated on her or hurt her, neither physically or verbally, or had the intention to do so.

 

I just also, at least want to find out if this particular guy that I'm suspicious about is indeed her boyfriend, but I know my ex wouldn't tell me, and I fully understand it, I wouldn't tell it either.

 

I just want to know if you think will we ever get together again?

Or, will she ever feel remorse and just apologize to me if she matured enough, even if it takes months?

Also, do you think she is over me? I can't believe she is over me this fast, especially due to the fact that I was her first love and we really loved each other, and now she's speaking to me like a complete stranger, or her worst enemy.

 

Please, help. I know I was childish and pathetic. So don't tell me that, I already know it and I would turn everything back if I could.

 

Thanks in advance for any answers! And thanks for reading this long thread.

[ExpatInItaly]

I just can't get over her. And I'm fully aware that I will never find a girl like her again.

 

This is your youth, inexperience and desperation talking. You have nothing to compare her to, as she was your first girlfriend, the likelihood that this girl is the only person you will ever love in your entire life is just about zero. You have nowhere near the life experience to assume you will never meet anyone like her again. And that's not a bad thing; it's just an inherent factor in your respective young ages.

 

Will she come back? Maybe. Will you stay together forever? No, more than likely not. I don't mean to be harsh. She was your first love, but you both have so much growing up to do (her, especially) that you were not meant to live your lives together. Teen loves rarely last forever, for that reason. Neither of you has fully matured and your approach to this relationship is a reflection of that. As you get older, you will both develop in different ways and likely won't even recognize yourselves within the next 5 years. Heck, the girl I was at her age is a far cry from the woman I am today at 37. She in particular is quite juvenile, but at 16, many of us are. The unrealistic expectations and self-pitying and passive aggressiveness she displayed are not unusual for youngsters.

 

Don't reach out again. Don't send her gifts. She is with someone else and regardless of your suspicions, she has been clear that she wants you to stop. Respect that, and go No Contact. You will heal and move on, but you need to be patient with yourself.

[Hopeless98]

This is your youth, inexperience and desperation talking. You have nothing to compare her to, as she was your first girlfriend, the likelihood that this girl is the only person you will ever love in your entire life is just about zero. You have nowhere near the life experience to assume you will never meet anyone like her again. And that's not a bad thing; it's just an inherent factor in your respective young ages.

 

Will she come back? Maybe. Will you stay together forever? No, more than likely not. I don't mean to be harsh. She was your first love, but you both have so much growing up to do (her, especially) that you were not meant to live your lives together. Teen loves rarely last forever, for that reason. Neither of you has fully matured and your approach to this relationship is a reflection of that. As you get older, you will both develop in different ways and likely won't even recognize yourselves within the next 5 years. Heck, the girl I was at her age is a far cry from the woman I am today at 37. She in particular is quite juvenile, but at 16, many of us are. The unrealistic expectations and self-pitying and passive aggressiveness she displayed are not unusual for youngsters.

 

Don't reach out again. Don't send her gifts. She is with someone else and regardless of your suspicions, she has been clear that she wants you to stop. Respect that, and go No Contact. You will heal and move on, but you need to be patient with yourself.

 

But why is she grieving our relationship publicly while she's with another guy? I mean, if I was that guy, I would not feel good about that. And this just shows that she's not over me, I think.

[ExpatInItaly]

But why is she grieving our relationship publicly while she's with another guy? I mean, if I was that guy, I would not feel good about that. And this just shows that she's not over me, I think.

 

Because she's emotionally immature and likes attention.

 

You also don't know that those posts are directed at you, either. They could be directed at her current boyfriend. Maybe he pissed her off and she was trying to send him a message.

 

It isn't relevant what she posts online. What matters is that she is years away from being ready for a committed, mature and serious relationship. You two ran your course.

[Hopeless98]

Because she's emotionally immature and likes attention.

 

You also don't know that those posts are directed at you, either. They could be directed at her current boyfriend. Maybe he pissed her off and she was trying to send him a message.

 

It isn't relevant what she posts online. What matters is that she is years away from being ready for a committed, mature and serious relationship. You two ran your course.

 

Well, when she posted Rest in Peace and there was the date when we got together and the date when we broke up is undoubtedly directed at me.Anyways, you are right. Thanks for your answers!

[ExpatInItaly]

She is kid, OP. This is what kids do. They engage in self-centred, attention-seeking behaviour.

 

You would be best to delete her from your social media so you stop reading into her silly posts.

[Hopeless98]

She is kid, OP. This is what kids do. They engage in self-centred, attention-seeking behaviour.

 

You would be best to delete her from your social media so you stop reading into her silly posts.

 

The worst thing is I KNOW you are right. Totally right.

But I just have this feeling that she'll come back once. Not necesarrily to get back together, but to apologize me for the rude stuff she said.

[ExpatInItaly]

The worst thing is I KNOW you are right. Totally right.

But I just have this feeling that she'll come back once. Not necesarrily to get back together, but to apologize me for the rude stuff she said.

 

So what if she does? Say thank you and keep moving. It doesn't change anything for you, in terms of her maturity level or viability as a relationship candidate. She is still a child in many ways and it will be a long time and probably several boyfriends before she settles down.

 

My point is, don't even worry about something that might not happen. It's not worth fretting about the what-ifs.