Is it ok for a husband to call other women adoring terms?

[portwine49]

My friend and I observe my friends husband addressing other women he works with at his bar as baby. It seems innocent enough like "good night baby". This saddens her as this is the term he uses to address her lovingly. Why would he use it so flippantly with other women? Is it flirting? Attention seeking or is everyone including his wife "just baby" to this guy? She made the point that she calls him honey and would never think of calling another man honey as it is a term of affection toward him. I don't think she is insecure as it would bother me too if it were me. I dont know what to tell this friend....any advice?

Edited December 20, 2018 by portwine49
change of title from adoring terms to terms of endearment

[darkmoon]

"his bar" is he manipulating his staff, trying to charm them into good moods with which to interface with customers?

[stillafool]

Some people don't always remember names (me and people who multi date), so they call everyone sweetheart, baby, babe, dear, etc. It means nothing.

[portwine49]

He knows their names and refers to his wife as baby..more like Bebe not her name. I think she just feels it minimizes his adoration toward her when. he uses the same tone and term of endearment towards the bartenders. She's even heard him tell one I love you but not in a romantic context. I think perhaps it is just his work demeanor but nonetheless hurts her feelings and when she expressed this he became defensive. It's my opinion, if it bothers her, he simply shouldn't do it or take his calls when he's at work as when he forgets to hang up she can hear him say these things as if he were speaking to his wife.

[elaine567]

My friend and I observe my friends husband addressing other women he works with at his bar as baby. It seems innocent enough like "good night baby". This saddens her as this is the term he uses to address her lovingly. Why would he use it so flippantly with other women? Is it flirting? Attention seeking or is everyone including his wife "just baby" to this guy? She made the point that she calls him honey and would never think of calling another man honey as it is a term of affection toward him. I don't think she is insecure as it would bother me too if it were me. I dont know what to tell this friend....any advice?

 

 

He uses "baby" like other people use love, darling, mate, bro, pal, my friend, etc. It means nothing, the pet name people use tend to change with the area you live in. Somerset in the UK uses "my lover" as a generic pet name... "Alright my lover" = how are you? and can be used to address anyone.

 

Your friends husband works in a bar so he can't possibly remember everyone's name so he uses "baby" instead.

Unfortunately for your friend he has not the wit or desire to give her a more personalised and individual pet name, so she is "baby" along with everyone else...

[standtall]

From being married for 22+ yrs...a resounding no, it is not appropriate at all. Also, from the recipient's perspective in today's society, is it not tacky anyway?

[Guildford]

I was surprised when the wife of a couple I'm friends with called me "honey." I probably looked surprised because she told me that it was a common reference for friends and acquaintances in the Southern milieu.

[Rockdad]

Depends on the wife perhaps? Where one wife it would bother and you'd get a skillet upside your head or the laid back type that could care less.

[anika99]

He uses "baby" like other people use love, darling, mate, bro, pal, my friend, etc. It means nothing, the pet name people use tend to change with the area you live in. Somerset in the UK uses "my lover" as a generic pet name... "Alright my lover" = how are you? and can be used to address anyone.

 

Your friends husband works in a bar so he can't possibly remember everyone's name so he uses "baby" instead.

Unfortunately for your friend he has not the wit or desire to give her a more personalised and individual pet name, so she is "baby" along with everyone else...

 

Why can't he remember the staff's names just because he works in a bar? I used to work in a large bar and it's not like there are hundreds of staff members. On any given shift there would only be about 8 - 12 staff present. Now I work in a large office where there actually are at least a hundred people and calling each other baby would certainly not be tolerated.

 

To the OP, has your friend tried asking her husband to think up a pet name that he uses just for her? That would certainly be a good solution?

[BettyDraper]

My hubby doesn’t refer to other women with terms of endearment, so if he started to do so then I would be concerned given his typical behaviour.

 

At the same time, this doesn’t seem like a pertinent issue in your friend’s case, OP.

[Mr. Lucky]

I dont know what to tell this friend....any advice?

 

Is he South of the Mason-Dixon line? Traveling there, I've been called everything from "Sugar" to "Honey" and "Sweetie" by complete strangers.

 

Were I her, I'd pay more attention to his actions than his terms...

 

Mr. Lucky

[d0nnivain]

Because it saddens her no it's not appropriate.

 

My Ex used to call every women on the planet by the same nickname. It was stupid but it didn't bother me. I would actually chuckle when some of them thought it meant something.

 

But here his behavior is hurting her. She needs to tell him & then he has to change. She may have to deal with him calling them baby but he will need to come up with a special designation just for her. That may help her wrap her head around "baby" being a throw away.

[Wallysbears]

If it bothers her, why doesn't she just TELL HIM that it bothers her?

[BaileyB]

Why can't he remember the staff's names?

 

Yes indeed. Although I can certainly appreciate individuals who use these kind of endearments for everyone - friend or relative - it’s not exactly appropriate in a workplace. These days, it could actually be considered sexual harassment.

 

Perhaps, he should try harder to learn the names of the staff and save these endearments for this he knows and loves...

[nittygritty]

I doubt that the women that he works with like that he doesn’t call them by their name. It’s demeaning, condescending and even considered sexist. Totally inappropriate in the workplace.

[elaine567]

Yes indeed. Although I can certainly appreciate individuals who use these kind of endearments for everyone - friend or relative - it’s not exactly appropriate in a workplace. These days, it could actually be considered sexual harassment.

 

Not sure about harassment but it can certainly be seen as infantilizing women, something his wife may consider too.

[BaileyB]

Not sure about harassment but it can certainly be seen as infantilizing women, something his wife may consider too.

 

Let’s just say, I would not be very happy if my boss called me “baby.” That’s not a very respectful workplace.

[elaine567]

Let’s just say, I would not be very happy if my boss called me “baby.” That’s not a very respectful workplace.

It depends though on the context, most workplaces have "cultures", and whilst "baby" may not be seen as a PC term in some workplaces, others may like the familiarity of the term, as it may foster friendliness, closeness and loyalty amongst the workforce.

[preraph]

I don't really think there's anything to worry about in that alone. But if it bothers her, maybe she should just let him know and then he'll stop doing it around her or her friend. I used to call one of my employee Flipper because he lived in a world full of wonder.

[BettyDraper]

I doubt that the women that he works with like that he doesn’t call them by their name. It’s demeaning, condescending and even considered sexist. Totally inappropriate in the workplace.

 

This. Male coworkers using terms of endearment never bothered me, but I understand how unacceptable such behavior is in the workplace.

[ladydesigner]

My WS did this when I first met him, he was a bartender. That should have been my cue to run!

[Emilia]

It's not acceptable, I'd never tolerate a boyfriend or husband of mine call other women pet names.

I think I'd think less of him if he called any woman 'baby'

[major_merrick]

Is he South of the Mason-Dixon line? Traveling there, I've been called everything from "Sugar" to "Honey" and "Sweetie" by complete strangers.

 

Were I her, I'd pay more attention to his actions than his terms...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

I also wonder about the OP's local culture. I live in the South, so it isn't uncommon. I've been called "babe" before, and so has my husband. It isn't, however, a term of endearment that my husband and I use with each other, or that I've ever wanted to use with an intimate partner. If my husband called another girl something like that, I wouldn't think twice about it. If, however, my husband called someone outside our home what he calls me....that would make me upset.

[Ruby Slippers]

I've been dating someone a month, and after he called a few women "sweetie" and the like when we went out, I let him know it was unacceptable and grounds for moving on in my book. I'd never call another man a pet name and could never tolerate it from my man. It's flirtatious and inappropriate when in a relationship. He understood, apologized, and hasn't done it since.

[supp]

I would like also to be the the only passion point for my man, but as time goes on i see him flirting in facebook and internet sites with other women, sending them text like "you the most beautiful" or "hello gorgeous." The advice i can give for happy marriege is that dont wait in your partnership for faithfullness because it isnt there from beginning start searching for something more meaningfull and you will see that your life in partnership and in overall will blossom. The love that we mean nowdays is selfish and egoistlc love - to satisfy our needs and wants so why to expect that others are better or need to give you what you want.