I'm stuck between two exes who love me *update*

[GTG]

Hey guys, it's been a while. Long story short, I have two exes who love me and want me in their lives, and I love them both too. My previous post goes into the details of how this happened, as it is all very complicated, but quite a bit has changed.

 

 

So last week Michael (the boy I left back when college started but still have feelings for 2 years after being broken up) and I decide to see each other. We spend 5 days together living at a bnd, making our meals together, shopping together, watching movies, and basically trying to live together as a regular-couple trial run. You see, Michael has asked me last week if I wanted to go with him on his trip to Australia, so I figured 4 days alone together in a strange town would be a valuable experience. Though to be honest, I expected the 5 days to be the end. A nice goodbye to our life together before he went on his trip, because I knew I could not follow. Our days together were great, we both felt happier than we had in a long time. We also have a lot of baggage that we discussed, if rather drunkenly, but I think we sorted through a lot of that.

 

During the last few days Michael started thinking that maybe he didn't need to go on this trip, that he "could find new and exciting places to experience anywhere, but I don't think it would be the same finding someone who makes me feel the way you do."

Long story short, we are entertaining the idea of moving away together, but within a 5-hour drive of where we are now and not a 15-hour flight. It is a crazy idea, looking at short-term lease apartments and not sure what will happen.

 

He also wants me to quit all contact with Mark (my ex and a large reason why I left Michael), and I understand why but am reluctant to do so because even though Mark and I don't talk now I am still his emergency contact on all his papers and am the only one with the numbers of his parents who live in a foreign country. I'm apprehensive, because I don't really want to move or cut out a huge chunk of my life, but I know Michael will go to Australia if I don't and likely will never see him again. What do you guys think? Is this a good idea?

 

 

 

 

Then there is the other side of the coin. My brain. Logically this does not seem like a good idea--I love Michael, but we have never lived together before and we had been broken up for 2 years. Though it feels like we know each other, I'm not sure if I can rely on him and am a little afraid. I also will miss my friends and family who live here.

 

And, of course, Mark. The man who I had been with for a year and a half, who I know and who knows me so well. We get along but I'm not sure if I love him enough? I trust him with my life and know 100% that he would do whatever he can to support me. Honestly, I think he is too good for me, and when I tell him this he says he does not care, he just wants me. I also want him to be happy. He showed up spontaneously to my apartment last night to say he wasn't going to give up on me and I wasn't sure what to say other than the year we were together was hard and I was content, but rarely "happy". He wants to try harder, and we acknowledged it's my own issues keeping me from happiness but. Sigh. He is very stubborn, both an endearing and maddening quality.

 

I am so torn on what to do. My friends and family tell me to let them both go and focus on myself, but that scares me. I care about them both so much and don't want to regret something for the rest of my life. What would you guys do in this position? Does anyone feel similar?

[Wallysbears]

You are 21. Your friends are right to encourage you to focus on yourself and your college education and having yourself mentally healthy.