Rejection from coworker crush

[centurygirl]

So, I have a problem with a coworker whom I have developed a crush on (surprise!). We recently started working together (a few months ago) and we really hit it of straight away, as in we would have long and fun conversations and we would even go out for lunch a few times, just the two of us. He would tell me about his friends and family and things he was doing non work related. He felt that we were flirting a bit. He is younger than I am and he is single. I have been in a relationship for quite some time, but we are in the process of a break up. One night I met this coworker and we went for a drive in his car. I had had a few drinks but he was obviously sober and driving. We started talking about why he wasn't seeing anyone, as he is a young handsome male and I would think girls were lining up for him. He said he just wasn't thinking about dating now and hadn't met anyone that sparked his interest. This conversation led to us talking and laughing about him having a sex drive. And then I made the foolish mistake of touching his leg. He did not want that, and said that I should not do this as I was in a relationship and have a child. I apologized and got out of the car. The first few days after this were a bit awkward but I soon felt that we were back to being good friends. Fast forward a few weeks, I told him and other coworkers I am ending my relationship with the father of my child. As Christmas is coming, this is a long process and will not happen until January. After the coworker found out about my break up, he is acting all distant and moody towards me, and when I try starting a fun messenger conversation (as we have had before) he ignores me. I decided to call him out and said that I felt he was angry at me and said that with all that was happening in my life, him being angry at me was too much. I said that if I could take back what happened in the car, I would. He said that he was not angry but feels most comfortable with keeping our communications at the workplace only.

 

Now I am afraid things will be very awkward and tense between us. How can I work with him and not let this affect me? I feel that he is making things much worse than they have to be. I get that he probably does not like me the same way I like him, but I don't see why he has to be so cold all of a sudden. Also, I am of course hoping that somehow I can rebuild that fun relationship we had before the night in the car, even if it is just a friendship. Any advise on that would be appreciated.

[bradt93]

With us guys, it takes time to feel comfortable with the opposite sex, I know for me it does,but I have aspergers so maybe I'm an exception and I'm also in a similar situation as you. I saw this girl at the grocery store I haven't seen for 18 years. We hugged each other and said hey, but as I messaged on her on facebook messenger telling her it was great seeing you, she didn't respond and I can tell she read my message, because it says she did. She did tell me she had a busy life, so I don't think nothing of it. My advice is take it slow and I think he will start to feel comfortable around you again. Just leave him be for a few weeks and I think he will come around. I think he's still in shock over the whole thing.

[thefooloftheyear]

There are endless possibilities....

 

There is even a good possibility he's gay...A lot of guys will take a woman down that was handing herself to them like you were, even if he didn't find you attractive or you were in a relationship...Even for attractive and desirable men, opportunities where there is zero effort on his part involved don't come around that often..

 

The other possibility is that he realized the messy situation you were in at home, between that and having to see you every day he wanted no part of it...But of he isn't gay and this is the case, then he's probably also unattracted to you...Quite frankly he doesn't owe you anything, really...

 

But at the end of the day, this is just one of the many reasons people avoid relations with work colleagues.. And its probably best for you to avoid going after men until you get your life at home in order....if nothing else for the sake of the kid...And why you would share your home life issues with people at work baffles me...Its not something you want to do...

 

TFY

Edited December 22, 2018 by thefooloftheyear

[lana-banana]

This isn't complicated. You made a move, and he wasn't interested---he told you to think about your partner and child. Then you broke up with your partner! Of course he's going to be distant; he's thinking you broke off your relationship so you could be with him. He is trying to be as clear as possible that he has no desire to be with you, even if you're single.

 

Things will probably go back to normal in six months to a year, but you can't rush it. Keep your distance.

[Mr. Lucky]

I feel that he is making things much worse than they have to be.

 

He's making things worse?

 

centurygirl, you're making moves on him while still in a relationship with - and living with? - the father of your child.

 

Maybe he actually has standards...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Gretchen12]

You are making it worse than it has to be. After the leg touch rejection, it could have been manageable. But you went and told him about your breakup, then you tried to start "fun" conversation, and when he did not reciprocate your interest, you even confronted him. At this point it is harrassment. Leave him alone. There will likely never be a friendship after the leg touch.

[Serotonine]

Four options:

 

1)The dude likes you but he is smart and made a conscious decision not to have relationships with co-workers. Because it is a)extremely dangerous in the current man-hating hostile environment; b)distracts from actual work,creates tensions,jelousy etc.

 

2)The dude has principles ("dont sleep with a taken woman"). Which is not a bad thing.

 

3)The dude realized you had children too late. Most men nowadays are experienced and educated enough to stay away from single mothers. Happen many times with me where I would go along with a flirt but would pull the horses on learning about children.Not my thing.

 

4)Most likely one: he is not actually attracted to you. You are a 5-6 in his eyes, he was intrigued and had a laugh or two at work. Nobody says no to a flirt.But once the things became tense he realized it is not what he actually wants. Relationships at work assume some sort of commitment buy the virtue of daily presence in front of each other.

 

 

What to do? Become hotter-loose weight,hit the gym, adopt feminine fashion style,wear hills, grow hair if its short etc. Or a mucn better option-dont date people at work.

Edited December 23, 2018 by Serotonine

[See-Me-Feel-Me]

I asked out someone at work who kept showing me that she was receptive. Turns out she had had a serious crush on me for months but she didn't fawn on me which I don't like. So, after a date which we ended with making out, the next week we went for it. It never occurred to me at my young age to find out if she had a child or more than one. And she held that secret to herself well after I had thrown myself fully into the relationship. Someone else told me when they found out we were a couple. By then I didn't want to cast her off because she was very easy to cry. Her son was staying with the grandmother in another state. But had I known she had this child, I would not have let myself give her any wrong impressions. She was four years older than me. Eventually, her neurotic behavior about her son caused friction after which SHE LEFT ME.

 

 

 

Given this work romance guy knows your scene, maybe he has his own set of limits based on his age. If a guy is under 25 or even 30, he might not want to take on someone else's child even if he likes you. It's a younger man's perspective. When you get into 40's and beyond, it's anticipated that a woman will probably come with a child or children. Just a possibility. I was 25 when I got involved with her. And again, even though she lied, by then I couldn't just jettison her for not being up front with me about having a child.

[Giraffe-A]

Seems like talking about ending your relationship with everyone at work except the person you should be confiding this with is not only too much info for the work place but it also doesn’t look good on you.

You’ve already figured out that this kid doesn’t feel the same AND had to point out your family to you.

None of this is looking good for you. Best take his advice and minimize your contact and keep it professional. Don’t talk bad about your partner to anyone. It becomes a relection of who you are. If you need to say anything,talk about how wonderful it is to be a mother and rush home to see her.