torturemebaby Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 So the guy I like told me explicitly that he only sees me as a friend, and wanted me to be very clear on his intentions and feelings. He could sense that I had feelings for him, which is why he clarified. So with that said, how are guys able to treat a woman like she is their girlfriend, without having any romantic intentions or feelings? We cuddle ourselves to sleep frequently, the kind of cuddles where he carresses my face, interlocks his fingers with mine, constantly squeezes me and tries to be as close to me as possible. Small kisses on the back and forehead, stroking my hair and my stomach. He is the first person to text me in the morning and the last person I talk to at night. We spend every weekend together. He constantly is doing me favours and seems interested in just making sure I'm okay/happy. I told him that we couldn't have a sexual relationship because it would make things too complicated. And he was completely fine with this, and the affections did not stop. He says he is just an affectionate person, and that cuddling is fun. I believe him, it is still just a strange concept. Thoughts?? 1
healing light Posted December 22, 2018 Posted December 22, 2018 Yeah, no. Get out of this limboland. His mixed signals will only have you pining for more. Do you have any other friends who don't like to cuddle and kiss you? Spend time with those. 1
Cersei Posted December 22, 2018 Posted December 22, 2018 Yeah this arrangement seems off. Stay away and move forward while you still can. If you allow this to happen you will miss out on other people who are better suited for you.
Art_Critic Posted December 22, 2018 Posted December 22, 2018 (edited) He is leading you on, friends don't cuddle and give small kisses like that and do the things he is doing.. Since he can't make up his mind then don't let him treat you like a partial GF.. Stop doing anything with him that is not like friends...or dump him. Edited December 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator spelling 1
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2018 Posted December 22, 2018 All of the behaviors you describe are physical not emotional. He's perfectly fine to touch but his heart is disconnected from all of this.
preraph Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Honestly, he just sounds really weird. Maybe he was thinking of you as a maternal figure and had some real touchy relationship with his mother. A guy who actually gay but not ready to know it (I knew it) did some of that behavior, but it was mostly he wanted backrubs and his mother used to give him backrubs. I was kind of creeped by the whole mother thing. Anyway, he's been clear. So don't waste any more of your time on him. Cut him off and move on so you can find someone else. 1
Giraffe-A Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 If they’re not ready for a relationship, there’s nothing you can do about it. At this moment, you are just an object to him. If he told you in the beginning that he was not looking for anything serious and you go with it, this is what it means. If you are okay with this for now, you can start looking for someone else, otherwise, it would be wise to get rid of this clown.
emeraldgreen Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Sometimes you're able to connect with someone in a way that creates emotional intimacy without being the full package for each other as a partner. I just got out of something like this except that I (the guy) wanted to fully commit and she decided to go exclusive with another dude. Relationships are complicated. It's really easy to form something comfortable with someone but it falls apart when one party needs more.
Author torturemebaby Posted December 25, 2018 Author Posted December 25, 2018 Thanks for the responses. We ended up drinking and having sex. He has been even more affectionate ever since. Shows extra concern about my emotions, bringing me little gifts, making sure I'm comfortable, complimenting me, telling me about his own anxiety, continuing to text me constantly. We are roommates.. it is very confusing. He rejected me, and ever since has just been acting more and more emotionally and physically intimate with me. I am enjoying the intamacy immensely, and I also dont want to date him because it would complicate our roommate situation. What makes this feel unbalanced though is that I think he has other reasons for not wanting to commit. That it's not just the fact we are roommates, but that he just doesnt like me in that way. But he acts more like a boyfriend than any boyfriend I've actually had.
stillafool Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 All of that is fine as long as you remember what he said. No matter how he treats you he only sees you as a friend. Don't get hurt if he starts seeing others.
preraph Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 he's acting closer because he told you he doesn't want you and by your actions of going along with it, you have said, that's okay, we can still have sex! He now knows he's under no pressure because he's told you how it is. Nothing has changed except his guilt at doing things with you has now been alleviated because you know he doesn't want you and are still having casual sex. 2
Giraffe-A Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 Thanks for the responses. We ended up drinking and having sex. He has been even more affectionate ever since. Shows extra concern about my emotions, bringing me little gifts, making sure I'm comfortable, complimenting me, telling me about his own anxiety, continuing to text me constantly. We are roommates.. it is very confusing. He rejected me, and ever since has just been acting more and more emotionally and physically intimate with me. I am enjoying the intamacy immensely, and I also dont want to date him because it would complicate our roommate situation. What makes this feel unbalanced though is that I think he has other reasons for not wanting to commit. That it's not just the fact we are roommates, but that he just doesnt like me in that way. But he acts more like a boyfriend than any boyfriend I've actually had. He likes you, but not as a girlfriend. If you had to trust anything a guy says, it would be statements such as “I only see you as a friend, “ and “I’m not looking for anything serious,” There is nothing confusing here. You’re a gal and guy living under the same room sharing common areas and each other. . This guy gets all the affection and sex from you without having to fullfill any of the GF demands and expectations. He does not want to be responsible for your happiness. Doesn’t want to meet your friends and family. Doesnt want to take you out on trips. He just want sex and cuddles from you.
thefooloftheyear Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 Maybe he's gay....I know he's had sex with you, but that doesn't rule that out... Otherwise, I agree with the others...Very strange behavior from a typical guy... Unless you are ok with this, then just disconnect completely and move on...Get another room mate maybe a woman..You don't have to hate him, but don't even be friends with him, as it will prevent you from moving on with your life... TFY
Wallysbears Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 You are a friend with benefits - good enough to sleep with but not someone he would consider a long term dating/marriage/relationship partner. Get out of this situation before you waste time and eventually get really hurt.
stillafool Posted December 26, 2018 Posted December 26, 2018 he's acting closer because he told you he doesn't want you and by your actions of going along with it, you have said, that's okay, we can still have sex! He now knows he's under no pressure because he's told you how it is. Nothing has changed except his guilt at doing things with you has now been alleviated because you know he doesn't want you and are still having casual sex. Exactly, you have shown him that you will give him sex and affection whenever he wants it without a commitment. He now knows how important he is to you or this is something you do with all guys. He will eventually move on to a girl who requires some work on his part and hopefully you won't be hurt in the end.
Author torturemebaby Posted December 26, 2018 Author Posted December 26, 2018 Haha well we hooked up again and things were awkward, do I told him we cant continue hooking up. That's the end of that.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 27, 2018 Posted December 27, 2018 Don't do anything w/him, not even cuddling. You are opening up yourself to him w/out him having to do anything. He prob believes eventually he will get sex if he stays long enough.
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