? for "other men"

[bebe2000]

Okay, I will try to make this as brief as possible (remember I said I'd try )

 

First- I'm about to married soon, soon meaning a few months. Not to long ago I started to fool around with a guy friend that happens to live in our (meaning me and my fiance) building. We are all friends. So I fooled around with him twice- made out mind you, the first time was the best, the second time was awful. It was awful because I felt guilty afterward. I decided to end it right there and then. It's been about a month since this happened. He says he would still hook up, and that it's up to me to call the shots. But he also says he really likes me. That's the part I'm concerned about- I don't plan on ending my current relationship- weddings on. But if I continue with him, how will that make him feel knowing that it will end once I say those vows. Knowing that he "likes me" makes a hell of a difference. So finally my question is- how do you deal with being the "other man" ? Also do you guys think that since I ended it once, I should keep it at an end despite my selfish curiosity? I look forward to reading your comments-Thanks

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. He says he would still hook up, and that it's up to me to call the shots.

2. But he also says he really likes me.

 

1. That means that when you are in the mood, give him a call. He is leaving it up to you basically, and won't go out of his way to make it happen.

2. I'm sure he does. Saying this is planting a hopeful seed that you will want to keep hooking up from time to time. Imagine if he said he didn't like you. Would you be likely to call him for a hook up if he said that? Probably not.

 

I think you are overestimating how much this guy has emotionally invested in you. He knows you are getting married, and if you were to tell him that "it can never happen again" he probably won't be as crushed as you think. He may not be happy losing the opportunity to hook up with you, but it isn't going to crush him or anything.

 

If he were trying to stop your marriage, or was making it clear that he was going to be in constant contact, or was trying to make himself a part of your future then I'd be a little worried that he might be hurt.

 

If you want to end it, you will want to do it sooner than later - before it really does get hard. Just let him know that it is over, and you and he need to move on.

[whichwayisup]

Okay, I will try to make this as brief as possible (remember I said I'd try )

 

First- I'm about to married soon, soon meaning a few months. Not to long ago I started to fool around with a guy friend that happens to live in our (meaning me and my fiance) building. We are all friends. So I fooled around with him twice- made out mind you, the first time was the best, the second time was awful. It was awful because I felt guilty afterward. I decided to end it right there and then. It's been about a month since this happened. He says he would still hook up, and that it's up to me to call the shots. But he also says he really likes me. That's the part I'm concerned about- I don't plan on ending my current relationship- weddings on. But if I continue with him, how will that make him feel knowing that it will end once I say those vows. Knowing that he "likes me" makes a hell of a difference. So finally my question is- how do you deal with being the "other man" ? Also do you guys think that since I ended it once, I should keep it at an end despite my selfish curiosity? I look forward to reading your comments-Thanks

 

I'm not sure you're ready to get married. It shouldn't make a difference if this guy likes you or not - It's only feeding your ego. I don't mean that as harshly as that could read, but what counts is what your future husband thinks, not some guy.

 

You should end it completely with the OM or call off the wedding if you plan on continuing what you're doing.

 

Good luck and keep posting!

[Outcast]

I don't think you're ready to be married either. You don't 'fool around' with someone else when you are in a committed relationship. I have no doubt you'll cheat when you're married, given your expressed views now. Therefore, don't marry. Whatever the reason for your marriage (convenience? money?), it won't save the difficulties of the divorce that will come.

[JayKay]

your marriage is getting off to a horrible start.

 

 

You don't suddenly 'become' married because you've had a big party and a trip down the aisle. Marriage is a mindset, a psychological committment that should be in place WELL before the actual wedding.

 

Secondly, this guy sounds like a scumbag. Why do you care about his feelings so much? Guys says "I like you" all the time because they know women like to hear it. Guys say "I love you" too and don't always mean it. Check out some of the other posts here....

 

In any event, call off the wedding. It's an expensive farce to put your fiancee through.

[whichwayisup]

How would you feel your boyfriend, soon to be husband, was fooling around with another woman right now?

 

Marriage is a mindset, a psychological committment that should be in place WELL before the actual wedding.

 

JK makes an excellent point here.

 

I'm just curious, but how old are you and your fiancee?

[bebe2000]

To answer you're question I'm 25 and he's 27 also so much has happened since I posted this thread- I won't get into it here but if you're interested please read my latest thread under the getting married forum- that should help clairify all of this- Thanks everyone-bebe

[Gift Of Gab]

You are NOT ready to be married. Point, blank...end of story. (and for the sake of your 'boyfriend', the quicker you realize this FACT, the better. Hell, if this was HIM in YOUR shoes, would YOU want to marry HIM?)

 

That's what I thought! I bet if you knew he was banging a neighbor (or anyone else for that matter), on the side, you'd be having a bitching fit! I don't know if you are just young and dumb, or just flat out selfish.

 

Your topic has turned my stomach sour.