chillii Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 Hi to all. Since my divorce 6yrs ago , my daughters only seen a few of my side of the family , the rest it's been about 5yrs. She's 171/2 They're 5 hours away ya see and it's a huge family scattered far and wide and Christmas is the only time they're all together or mostly. So Christmas day is the best way for her to catch up and see everyone. Thing is , we have a nice Christmas up where we live and l can never think of anything worse than driving 5 hours on a Christmas day, one way that is so it's also staying down over night. And neither can she , and so we never go and it's been 5yrs. They also only get together every second Christmas or so too, which also makes it hard matching one up with my ex and her family . Anyway , all is good this year , but my daughter doesn't wanna go. Hell l don't wanna go , but l just feel that damn torn all the time because she hasn't seen our family in so long. l can't make her go but if l pushed her she would. l just dunno if l should though . Any thoughts or suggestions ?
Author chillii Posted December 23, 2018 Author Posted December 23, 2018 A few of them come up this way now and then and she's caught up with them, but l don't push it because l like my life my life. l know l probably should just for my daughter , but it's just not my thing with family l on;y see a couple of them.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 Anyway , all is good this year , but my daughter doesn't wanna go. Hell l don't wanna go , but l just feel that damn torn all the time because she hasn't seen our family in so long. One time doesn't seem like that big of a sacrifice - for either of you. Are there cousins/nieces/nephews her age? Mr. Lucky
Giraffe-A Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 At 17, I would say you can work your persuasion. It’s once a year and everyone should stay connected to their family. I have family all over the US. I tend to go see the ones in the most remote location when their invite is stated this way, “It would really mean alot to me if you come visit us for Christmas.”
Author chillii Posted December 23, 2018 Author Posted December 23, 2018 Thanks for those and yeah l know everyone wants to see her and would love her to come , l might even get a smile or too myself haha. Yep that's the funny thing we're all late bloomers with our kids and they're all around her age give or take a year or two , she gets along really well with a couple of them in particular. Been going through this every year ,always feel terrible when we don't go l know they're disappointed , it'd be really nice just to make it for once yaknow. Thanks a heap guys.
BaileyB Posted December 23, 2018 Posted December 23, 2018 Hi to all. Since my divorce 6yrs ago , my daughters only seen a few of my side of the family , the rest it's been about 5yrs. She's 171/2 They're 5 hours away ya see and it's a huge family scattered far and wide and Christmas is the only time they're all together or mostly. So Christmas day is the best way for her to catch up and see everyone. Thing is , we have a nice Christmas up where we live and l can never think of anything worse than driving 5 hours on a Christmas day, one way that is so it's also staying down over night. And neither can she , and so we never go and it's been 5yrs. They also only get together every second Christmas or so too, which also makes it hard matching one up with my ex and her family . Anyway , all is good this year , but my daughter doesn't wanna go. Hell l don't wanna go , but l just feel that damn torn all the time because she hasn't seen our family in so long. l can't make her go but if l pushed her she would. l just dunno if l should though . Any thoughts or suggestions ? I was forced to get in the car every single Christmas to drive three hours to see my grandparents and my extended family - until I was well into my 30's. I hated almost every minute of it. Still, it was required. We travelled every Christmas - to see one side of the family or the other... Now, all of my cousins live a plane ride away, my grandparents have passed, and my aunts and uncles are growing old and are unwell. I'm glad that I have those memories and I wish we could gather together again...
Author chillii Posted December 24, 2018 Author Posted December 24, 2018 Thanks for that Bailey. l should add to that the main reason we avoided it earlier was that she's also gone through our divorce and before that , we did that run as a family every 2 or 3 yrs. That's a whole different thing to going down there just the two of us later after everything. The other thing this year is , that she's had a huge year doing yr 11 and has done so brilliant we're so proud of her. She's studied or working in all her spare time like crazy non stop for 12mths and so she's still exhausted. But she also just split up with her bf of 2yrs, 6wks back on top of that , so she's really earnt some serious chilling . Anyway, l'll see how she's feeling about it tonight.
BaileyB Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 I can appreciate that. I remember studying for a big exam one year and begging not to have to go to my grandfather's birthday dinner... I was told to get into the car. I can also appreciate how family gatherings are hard after a loss. We lost my mom a few years ago, it's hard to gather with family. It's also, the time that you need them most. I hope you go. There is always time to chill. There may not be another opportunity to gather wih these people.
Author chillii Posted December 28, 2018 Author Posted December 28, 2018 (edited) Hi one and all and l hope everyone had a nice Christmas , or at least survivable . Well , we did the trip , not sure if it was for better or worse though tbh. We could only stay a few hours. But not having seen most in so long and with so much that's happened in my life over the last 5 or 6 yrs, it was pretty obvious the assumptions were flying around. My family is huge but there's still some of the older sisters and a few of the others that don't have kids or seem to understand anything about having kids especially if the marriage has broken up and l know tongues are wagging since. Good old family eh. Anyway we had a good time going down and back and we made some fun in that but the day , l dunno. lt was nice for my daughter and for me too in seeing some butttt. Edited December 28, 2018 by chillii
Mr. Lucky Posted December 28, 2018 Posted December 28, 2018 We could only stay a few hours. You drove 5 hours each way and only stayed a few hours? I wouldn't want to be part of that trip either. What made you uncomfortable at the family gathering? Mr. Lucky
Author chillii Posted December 29, 2018 Author Posted December 29, 2018 (edited) Hi Mr L. Yeah most wouldn't, one reason it's been so long. We didn't have much choice, unfortunately my daughter had other rallies coming up next day. Two of my older sisters said something that at the time l was frankly just too gobsmacked to even reply to let alone ask them wth they meant but assuming it would've hopefully have just been meant in humor. But on reflection since l'm not so sure. But of course since as l never see either of these two, l just wish now l did follow it through at the time and found out. Edited December 29, 2018 by chillii
Ronni_W Posted December 29, 2018 Posted December 29, 2018 Anyway we had a good time going down and back and we made some fun in that but the day , l dunno. lt was nice for my daughter and for me too in seeing some butttt. chillii, To be honest, I'm sensing that there's more not said than said, in your thread. So, this is more going by my sense. I would offer to more focus on your relationship with your daughter, than try to put anything about that in context of any other family members. (Does that make sense to you?)
Author chillii Posted December 30, 2018 Author Posted December 30, 2018 (edited) Hey Ronni. No l haven't bothered with the fine print here only what's necessary. But yeah , l wanted to get to the bottom of it because it upset us both and l'm not having that for my daughter un called for. But anyway, good news. l made a call today and granted what was said was a very weird way of putting it but thankfully the meaning was nothing of the way it sounded and l'm really happy to say it was actually a very weird but in the end very nice compliment . Really glad l made that call. Edited December 30, 2018 by chillii 1
mrs rubble Posted January 4, 2019 Posted January 4, 2019 We drove 4 hours to spend Christmas with my husbands brother and family, the 3 year old and the 1 year old run the show there as mum doesn’t believe in discipline or manners, my husband said never again!! I’m actually keen to see how their parenting style works in about 10 years time.
Author chillii Posted January 17, 2019 Author Posted January 17, 2019 Yeah right. What a classic. Thing is your still a family it's so different , we all use to do this together but now it's only her and me and the first time to without mum. Anyway , it went pretty good considering. she was such a hit everyone loved her and raved. there was a bit of family crap but managed to sort that a few days later so all good. Can't say l'm glad we went all that drivings a stupid way to spend a Christmas day butttt, we did it, it's done. Thanks a lot for the support and tips people, stories, it all really helped.
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