I feel I've been rather inconsiderate toward my friends...

[purplesoccer34]

I'm in my late 20s, and I've had a close group of friends ever since the beginning of high school. We obviously don't meet as often now as we did then, but we do meet up at least a few times a year. The problem is that I feel like I've really grown apart from all of them. I feel as if I don't fit in, and I don't really enjoy their company anymore for the most part. But because I've grown up with them and they've been such a big part of my life all these years, it's difficult for me to let go. I feel like these friends will always be in my life somehow, and so being close to them provides me a sense of security in a way.

 

One of the reasons I don't really fit in is because they always make rude, crude, and crass jokes toward me and to each other. I'm slightly more sensitive than the rest, and so I tend to take these personally. Especially since I'm of the belief that every joke holds at least some truth to it.

 

Recently, they all had a mini-party because everyone was home for the holidays. I told them about 2 weeks in advance that I may or may not be there because I knew I was going to be extremely busy with work, and getting ready for my upcoming travel. When I said this, they absolutely hounded me. They accused me of not wanting to hangout with them, of having better things to do, that I should be able to make it work, etc etc. So I finally caved and told them I'd go, thinking that I would somehow find a way to make it work.

 

And just as I had expected, things did come up at the last minute. Work piled up, and I found that I just didn't have the time. I was also 1 hour away and didn't have the transportation to get there. The issue is that I didn't even tell anyone that I wasn't going to be able to make it--I kept quiet and ignored all of their calls/texts. I was afraid that I was going to be harassed again for not showing up, and I didn't want to face that.

 

The next day I was told that a lot of mean things were said about me for not showing up to the party. I was called selfish, inconsiderate, not a good friend, etc. And maybe I was selfish and cowardly for not informing them that I wouldn't be able to make it--now I feel guilty about it. I should have just been honest about that from the very beginning.

 

I don't know how I feel about these friends anymore. Am I just pushing them away for no reason? One of the girls in the group actually makes it a point to exclude me from things now (for example, publicly posting on social media who all her closest friends are, but deliberately leaving me out)--at one point, she and I were very close, but I started drifting away from her and perhaps she's bitter about it.

Edited December 24, 2018 by purplesoccer34

[SunnyWeather]

if your 'friends' use the opportunity to dis you because you had other obligations, then they really are not your friends. you are better off without that kind of noise. it's normal to drift apart as you change and life takes you on a different course.

[preraph]

Most people go different directions from their own high school friends and lose regular contact because of it. If they are always using you for a target, I don't see why you're even worrying about THEIR feelings. If you're too busy, they ought to be mature enough to get it. If you aren't having fun with them anymore, then just spend less time with them. It's normal. Eventually, people get their families or careers and simply have different priorities and sometimes stop having things in common with old friends. You can keep up with them without spending much time if you want.

[stillafool]

These people do not seem like very good friends of yours. Preraph if right most people do go in different directions after college. It's time for you to meet some new friends.

[Giraffe-A]

It seems like not only you have outgrown your friends, but also surpassed them in maturity. It’s no longer high school but they haven’t seem to have gotten that memo. We’ve all had to leave our friends behind despite those promises we all made to stay together. God bless for FB which made that possible.