NottDoingWell Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 (edited) So I am 28 and never had a girlfriend. I have started using online dating about 3 years ago to try and meet people but I dont get any matches at all. The past year, id get like 3 every few weeks and they never respond. <Links to pictures removed by moderation> I know I dont have hair but I always have been in shape and think I have nice eyes.. yet it doesnt matter. Even overweight women wont swipe on me or respond to me on sites. I am very sad and cry some nights, have been suicidal etc but trying to stay positive. What do you guys think? Edited December 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
smackie9 Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 Online dating is no magic bullet. If you have trouble finding a date irl, online will do you no service. You need to work on your confidence level. Yes hard to do, but it comes with putting yourself in situations where you learn from each experience. I suggest you hire a dating coach, and follow there instructions without resistance. You are where you are because you didn't want to adapt to change, changing yourself for the better, not just physically but mentally too. Now people will throw all kinds of advice to you about getting hobbies that get you involved socially and all that jazz, but it can only go so far. Having someone teach you the ways of attraction and interaction can only be done one on one for real results.
frankspeci Posted December 24, 2018 Posted December 24, 2018 (edited) Talk to a therapist if you're feeling suicidal. And if you're trying to make core changes (which it sounds like you need to do), therapists can provide a good anchor in solid, grounded feedback. There's a lot of information out there and schools of thought. It's good to experiment with someone who has credentials and experience and personal concern for you. Props for staying positive though, I respect that. I didn't get laid until I was 29, just shy of 30. Thinking back on every sexual or romantic experience I had since then, the ultimate key was making a move. I still struggle a lot with this due to social anxiety, but it's truly the thing that matters most. You have to get out of your comfort zone and initiate talks with people, you have to ask for numbers and dates, you have to let girls know you find them attractive, you have to break the touch barrier, and you have to go in for the kiss. That's really what I learned. It's not yet a part of who you are, but you have to power through the discomfort that these new, foreign actions give you, and you have to be ok with rejection and embarrassing yourself when you mess up. You don't have get it perfect either in order for it to work. I've messed up a lot, due to both action and inaction. I can tell you for sure that I'm always more pissed at myself when I don't take action, rather than when I take action and do it poorly. Also fashion is important. This is something you should be able to do easily enough if you haven't already. Watch youtube videos on style, go shopping and find stuff that looks cool. It really helps blend you in to the social scene and it's kind of like a code of competence that will improve your social standing with men and women, and make them more comfortable with you. Don't have to overdo it. Just be fashionable. If you're super introverted and atrophied socially, you'll want to go out and do more social hobbies and go to events. This will put you out among people and get socially attuned. There are subtle things like eye contact, body language, vocal tonality that are important when you are dating, and you can develop these through any activity that involves people and conversation, and there's less pressure when doing hobbies that you actually enjoy. It also builds your social stamina on dates and approaches in order to help you hold conversations comfortably. Knowing all the dating moves in the world won't help if you can't physically perform them. There's a podcast I used to listen to called "The Art of Charm" which laid out some great tips for developing attraction and self improvement. Not just a pickup artist thing. Check out the earliest episodes from them that you can find. As for dating apps. They work but you need good pictures. Good quality, pictures that make you look busy and active and fun, pics with friends, good lightning, smile, no creepy looking shots, no bathroom or mirror selfies. It should really only be a supplement to your dating life though, not the focus. Put in work and keep being patient. Your time will come. Edited December 24, 2018 by frankspeci
Insoc Posted December 25, 2018 Posted December 25, 2018 So I am 28 and never had a girlfriend. I have started using online dating about 3 years ago to try and meet people but I dont get any matches at all. The past year, id get like 3 every few weeks and they never respond. <Links to pictures removed by moderation> I know I dont have hair but I always have been in shape and think I have nice eyes.. yet it doesnt matter. Even overweight women wont swipe on me or respond to me on sites. I am very sad and cry some nights, have been suicidal etc but trying to stay positive. What do you guys think? OP don't be too hard on yourself yet, you are young and have plenty of time. I was single for years in my 20's when I focused on University studies and was told I'm attractive, handsome and hot by many females some average some very attractive, I was very shy and introverted when I was younger, was afraid to ask females out, I did a few times and they said they were seeing someone, a few chickened out on me. I gave up a few times, but times have changed and online dating is hit or miss, Women get contacted more than Men, they have a big pool to chose from, it's not like the old days when you went to a dance and there was only a handful of people to choose from. To most woman good looks are only part of the equation, they also look at you character and your personality, also if you can make them laugh, having confidence and being strong (not muscles, personality) and what you say in your summary. There are woman who have to have GQ model perfect body types too. I'm coming out of a long term relationship marriage currently, going through a divorce and I'm on Match. I got a lot of compliments, "easy on the eyes", "hot" "handsome" and etc,, but I get a lot of rejection too, some dates but nothing serious yet, I'm just testing the waters with no big hopes till my Divorce is final. Don't sweat it, make sure your pics are good, smile and show pics of you doing things you enjoy or hobbies, women tend to relate to interests they can share with you. Good pics are key, also get good angles and lighting, take photos outdoors helps during good daylight. The first pic that get's swiped is important, also they say user names, I'm not on Tinder so I don't know what the rules are? I think the picture is key, so work on that. Good luck and don't ever give up on life, relationships are often harder to maintain then they are to find, just pace yourself.
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