Is my son’s coach flirting? Or is it my imagination?

[edith]

An attractive man I know is one of my son’s sports coach. I’d noticed him staring at me a few times but didn’t think anything of it, just that men sometimes do that.

 

Last Saturday, he texted me directly asking if I could bring my son early before a game because he wanted to try a few things with him and two other boys on the team. When I got there, there was only his son and another boy who came with him as well. I watched the practice and didn’t see any plays being taught... he stopped practice a couple of times to come over and chat with me, since I was the only parent there. The topic was sports, so nothing different there.

 

On Sunday, I texted him directly (instead of the group text) to confirm we have two practices this week. He replied twice, since it took me a while to write back. His language stopped me in my tracks and I was unsure of how to proceed. It sounded a lot like flirting to me, so I didn’t reply right away.

 

He wrote “Yes, two regular practices this week. Then we don’t see each other until 1/3. Tell John (my son) he played great today!” The fact he wrote “see each other” caught my attention. He immediately texted the group of parents to confirm the practices and wrote “After that, we won’t have practice until 1/3.”. Hmm... I thought.

 

I responded to the practices confirmation directly to him, saying I was hoping he would say that. I added something about my son and we texted back and fort for a bit, he even sent me a picture of the season stats to show my son was the second highest scorer.

 

Like I said, there has been a lot of staring even over the years, since our kids were in preschool, now they’re in 5th grade. He has never acted on it, so it has never bothered me before. Now I’m excited to see him every time it happens. Am I reading too much into his behavior? Or was he flirting in the texts?

[Cersei]

I don't see any flirting here, sorry.

[BaileyB]

He's not flirting edith.

 

But if you want another opinion, ask your husband what he thinks...

[Lotsgoingon]

Yes, he's flirting with you. He's giving you attention and interest that he doesn't really need to give to do the coaching.

 

Is he single and available?

 

Are you single and available?

 

I definitely think he's flirting with you. Let's assume you both are available and interested, one of you has to go the next step and talk about life, or work or something outside of baseball. That would be the transition, the escalation, that confirms the flirting.

Edited December 25, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[BaileyB]

Is he single and available?

 

No.

 

Are you single and available?

 

No.

[smackie9]

So far I don't see anything as flirting.

 

Now it's not uncommon to have a crush, and pay a little more attention to that particular person, but it doesn't mean they will ever want to act upon it or have an interest to do so.

My advice is to ignore it because you are letting your imagination run away with you.

[Gretchen12]

I do think he is giving you more attention. But he has known you for years, since the kids were in preschool, so it is natural to be friendlier. I would not call it flirting, though, because that's usually obviously to date you. He may be offering friendship only. It's not clear.

[Lotsgoingon]

So neither of you is available and you don't need to wreck son's sports fun by having a fling ... so .... the question is moot.

 

Just put up your barriers ... so that if an invitation of some kind comes from him, you're emotionally set to deflect and say no.

 

Others think he's not flirting. I sense he is ... but perhaps he simply wants a friendship? ...

[Joyce Simmons]

I don’t see flirting

[elaine567]

He has been staring at you since the kids were in preschool, but the only thing has changed is that YOU now see him as a potential affair partner to take revenge on your cheating husband.

Leave the poor man alone... the last thing he needs as a sport's coach is extramarital drama with a parent...

[hippychick3]

I don’t see any flirting at all. I could have easily had those same exchanges with my son’s coaches over the years, and they would have been completely benign.

 

It seems you are hoping for something to happen...that would probably be the biggest mistake of your life.

[Rocker71]

So neither of you is available and you don't need to wreck son's sports fun by having a fling ... so .... the question is moot.

 

Just put up your barriers ... so that if an invitation of some kind comes from him, you're emotionally set to deflect and say no.

 

Others think he's not flirting. I sense he is ... but perhaps he simply wants a friendship? ...

 

She never said she wasn't available.

 

Yes! He was flirting. Flirt back.

[edith]

Oh, I am super available! He’s the first man I’ve found attractive in a long time. All of my experiences have led me to believe that these things can be pulled off, as long as the people involved are super discreet.

 

And I thought I was flirting back when I wrote “Great! I was hoping you would say that!” when he confirmed that there would be practices ? But I’m so bad at flirting.

 

The first practice back after our text convo, I was sitting way up high in the stands talking to another mom. She said hi to him as he walked in, when I looked down, he was already staring at me. I stared back, smiled, said hi and he continued to stare at me until he got to his seat. There was a “different” look in his eyes - like excitement. He was half smiling while he was staring, wide-eyed. I left soon after practice was over because I was embarrassed.

 

After that I texted the group to talk about the sports camp my son will be attending, he signed his son up right away. The first day of camp will be this Thursday. Don’t know if he has to work or has this holiday week off, so I don’t know if his wife will bring the kids or not. But I’m hoping it will be him.

 

I really, really think he’s flirting with me, but at the same time don’t want to give myself false hope.

[hippychick3]

Oh, I am super available! He’s the first man I’ve found attractive in a long time. All of my experiences have led me to believe that these things can be pulled off, as long as the people involved are super discreet.

 

And I thought I was flirting back when I wrote “Great! I was hoping you would say that!” when he confirmed that there would be practices ? But I’m so bad at flirting.

 

The first practice back after our text convo, I was sitting way up high in the stands talking to another mom. She said hi to him as he walked in, when I looked down, he was already staring at me. I stared back, smiled, said hi and he continued to stare at me until he got to his seat. There was a “different” look in his eyes - like excitement. He was half smiling while he was staring, wide-eyed. I left soon after practice was over because I was embarrassed.

 

After that I texted the group to talk about the sports camp my son will be attending, he signed his son up right away. The first day of camp will be this Thursday. Don’t know if he has to work or has this holiday week off, so I don’t know if his wife will bring the kids or not. But I’m hoping it will be him.

 

I really, really think he’s flirting with me, but at the same time don’t want to give myself false hope.

 

You should ask his wife what she thinks.

[stillafool]

Oh, I am super available! He’s the first man I’ve found attractive in a long time. All of my experiences have led me to believe that these things can be pulled off, as long as the people involved are super discreet.

 

And I thought I was flirting back when I wrote “Great! I was hoping you would say that!” when he confirmed that there would be practices ? But I’m so bad at flirting.

 

The first practice back after our text convo, I was sitting way up high in the stands talking to another mom. She said hi to him as he walked in, when I looked down, he was already staring at me. I stared back, smiled, said hi and he continued to stare at me until he got to his seat. There was a “different” look in his eyes - like excitement. He was half smiling while he was staring, wide-eyed. I left soon after practice was over because I was embarrassed.

 

After that I texted the group to talk about the sports camp my son will be attending, he signed his son up right away. The first day of camp will be this Thursday. Don’t know if he has to work or has this holiday week off, so I don’t know if his wife will bring the kids or not. But I’m hoping it will be him.

 

I really, really think he’s flirting with me, but at the same time don’t want to give myself false hope.

 

Edith, are you a bit man crazy? It's Christmas day and you're on here talking about some other man. You'd have a better time spending the day with your kids.

[edith]

Oh, great! The moralizers are here. I hope you guys don’t waste keystrokes trying to talk me out of pursuing this. I’ve made up my mind already. And it’s none of your business, stillafool, but my kids are in bed right now.

[preraph]

I think he was looking at you because he knew he had to talk to you about the practice for your son.

 

Trust me, if you want to get into a big cutthroat soap opera where other women think your son is getting preferential treatment, then by all means, go after the coach. And remember, half the other women there are going to be jealous and accusatory and make your life a living nightmare.

[elaine567]

This is not about moralising per se, this is like watching a train wreck in slow motion...

Your son's sport's coach...really????

[edith]

I understand your point. I’ve started to shut my mouth to the other moms about the preferential treatment. I made the mistake of telling one of the moms that I’d gotten to the game early because the coach asked me to take my son then, he wanted to try out a few plays before the game, and the look on her face was very telling. I learned my lesson. When he and I started texting back and forth and he sent me the season stats so I could see where my son fell, I said nothing. I know about this potential danger.

 

And no, he wasn’t looking at me because he wanted to say something about practicing. The staring has been happening for more than 6 years, at school events, at my son’s birthday parties that his son has attended, at town events, etc.. But this is the first time we have reasons to be in close contact because he is the coach. The staring has not stopped since he became my son’s coach. The conversations and texts have increased.

 

Let’s see where it goes from here...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

This story sounds very familiar......

[hippychick3]

This story sounds very familiar......

 

Sure does! Her name was Jacob something....

 

If it’s the same person, it’s REALLY sad that she’s still pining for some unavailable and probably uninterested dude.

[alphamale]

he wants to bang you

[edith]

Oh my goodness, I’m super surprised right now.

 

Last week when I suggested a soccer camp to the group of parents including the coach, I also said I’d stay to watch for the duration of the camp, 3 hours. So the other moms said we should carpool, I agreed.

 

This morning one of the moms sent a text about carpooling to me, another mom, and the coach’s wife. I again reminded them I’d be staying to watch, and the coach’s wife texts back to all of us saying this:”Just talked to my husband about it, and he is planning to stay and watch for a bit, so we will be driving anyway. He needs all the pointers he can get.”

 

???

 

So, it could be that both of them will be driving to the camp - but even if his wife is there, it won’t bother me! The fact that he has known since last week that I’d be staying to watch, and now he’s doing the same, is awesome. It might actually be better if his wife is there, I won’t be so anxious then.

[elaine567]

Have you considered that he recognises you are "interested" in more than the game, so he is bringing his wife along in order to fend you off?

[edith]

But that would just make it more fun, right?? People who need to be persuaded are so much better. I understand most people like easy conquests, but I’m not like that. It was one of the reasons why I married my husband, with the caveat that all of his cheating has brought a world of hurt, but he’s still staying.